Big trouble.
Delaware’s cape region, home to President Joseph R. Biden and Elisabeth Shue, is staggering under an outbreak of surf-related poor work ethic. According to a scathing new report in the Cape Gazette, beachfront property owners are unable to find able bodied men to repair or upgrade beachfront mansions due the severe social plague.
Resident and artist Pam Bounds, who lives in Milton, declares, “I was told by a friend that many contractors are surfers and only show up when the surf is down. This is a romantic vision for wannabe cougars, but hardly ever the reality!”
Ms. Bounds recounts a string of surf-contractor horror stories including unfinished jobs, poorly done jobs, bad attitudes and surly attitudes too. One drove a “beat-up old car” and forced his wife to sit in the backseat all day as he worked, when there were no waves. Another put his foot “irreverently” on her coffee table “heavily tattooed calf at eye level” though at least it was “a feast for the eyes.”
The worst was “the (surfer) who mowed our lawn in Milton for a short while when we were still living full time in Wilmington. He also painted the bottoms of boats. He wanted payment in advance and then didn’t show up, declaring, ‘I’m not mowing your [bleeping] lawn!’ OK. Finally, as my daughter was entertaining prospective in-laws in the front parlor, the Milton Police banged on the front door, looking for me on a complaint of phone harassment since I had been robo-calling him! He knew the ropes of the law for sure, and how to break it, since a few days later, broken windows and screens appeared in my backyard as a warning!”
Strange warning but also extremely surf-esque.
Residents in nearby New Jersey hope the disease doesn’t spread north but many fear it already has and especially in the best little town on earth, Asbury Park.
Difficult days.
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“I’m not mowing your fucking lawn.” Great line, I’ll use it. Sometimes the best things are free.
Delaware on Beachgrit…We’ve finally hit the bigtime.
The Boss don’t work. He loafs about.
Kelly is also offering bone broth to anyone affected by this incident
Fabricated bullshit! Might as well of said; “love your cutback”.
You can always tell how good the surf is where I do my postie run by how many tradie utes are in the carpark. Although it is getting a bit trickier with all the van-lifers getting about now…
When the surf is down? It’s the east coast USA the surf is always down.
Your perception of Asbury Park is so totally wrong and lacking in understanding that your little end note was THE funniest part of this just for fun article !
Aside from a few brief moments, the waves have mostly been shit in Delaware. I get it though…
Hi, I’m in……Delaware….
great movie, not so great side project
Amateurs. The key is to keep the work(and more importantly, money) flowing while finding creative excuses as to why you won’t be at the job. Truck is in the shop, hurt back, damn wholesalers are out of materials, etc. Never let on that you surf! No surf related stickers on your truck, no surf logoed clothing, never talk surf with a customer even if its the Duke himself! No boards visible in the truck. If the nasal drip occurs while signing contract, tell em you have allergies, covid, whatever just don’t say you were surfing!!!
We should partner up and move to Delaware we’d kill it!
A beautiful visage, though we know this whole article is a lie. The true surf truant scene is this: two well manicured 40 something chief executives, wearing springsuits and booties, riding FireWire potato chips, laughing at the fact that according to their Outlook calendar they’re currently in a ‘board meeting’
The surfer is an animal. Oh you’ll try to civilize and modernize him. In spite of the wsl’s best efforts to feminize the sport, not much has changed. Surfers will be surfers, no matter how much lipstick you put on the pig. Beware of the Surfer >> #ReefMadness
Check the box for “I wrote an article today”. Right Chas?
Office space was a great movie
“What would you do with a million dollars?”
“two chicks at the same time”
“Watch your corn-hole bud.”
Ms. Bounds sounds like a glutton for punishment, and I’d guess that this extends beyond her experiences with the hired help. Finding dependable contractors isn’t rocket science. She must enjoy the shoddy treatment, since it’s apparently happened to her repeatedly.