Kauai colonist, electric surf-adjacent foil
enthusiast Mark Zuckerberg has “worst day ever” as Facebook,
Instagram crash after damning insights from whistleblower!
By Chas Smith
Black coal, white face.
Oh but to be the world’s 5th richest man today, of all
dang days. To feel his pain, to bear his pressure, to have
the winsome joy of e-foiling off the coast of Kauai, a hefty
percentage of which you own, not able to salve the pain of
hammers.
(FYI I’m happy that the spellchecks don’t force me to capitalize
“Internet” anymore and feel my force re-spelling “internet” is a
small part of that. Fuck the Internet.)
Today, Zuckerberg’s Facebook, Instagram and WhatsApp crashed
heaping black coals on a whiteface.
The massive global outage that plunged Facebook, its
Instagram and WhatsApp platforms and many people who rely heavily
on these services — including Facebook’s own workforce — into chaos
Monday is gradually dissipating.
Facebook said late Monday that it’s been working to restore
access to its services and is “happy to report they are coming back
online now.” The company apologized and thanked its users for
bearing with it. But fixing it wasn’t as simple as flipping a
proverbial switch. For some users, WhatsApp was working for a time,
then not. For others, Instagram was working but not Facebook, and
so on.
Facebook did not say what might have caused the outage,
which began around 11:40 a.m. ET and was still not fixed more than
six hours later.
“This is epic,” said Doug Madory, director of internet
analysis for Kentik Inc, a network monitoring and intelligence
company. The last major internet outage, which knocked many of the
world’s top websites offline in June, lasted less than an hour. The
stricken content-delivery company in that case, Fastly, blamed it
on a software bug triggered by a customer who changed a
setting.
Oh but to be the Cesar cut aficionado, out e-foiling with this
on plate.
Not a chill sesh.
Much stress.
More as the story develops.
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Witness describes banal horror of Great
White attack on northern Californian surfer, “I saw the dorsal fin
and the tail fin of the shark go down in the water… It
definitely wasn’t a quick attack. It was nice and slow.”
By Derek Rielly
"It looked like he had a red stripe on his wetsuit…
that was actually blood."
A witness to yesterday’s Great White attack on a surfer
at Salmon Creek, a pretty wild sorta beach north of San
Francisco, has described it as “nice and
slow.”
Jared Davis was paddling into the crowded lineup with a pal
around nine when a swell rose and revealed a man floating in the
water.
“When he was back into view, I saw the dorsal fin of the shark
and then I saw the tail fin of the shark kind of going down into
the water,” Davis told KPIX. “It definitely wasn’t a quick attack.
It was nice and slow.”
The surfer screamed “shark” and “help”; Davis paddled alongside
him to the beach.
“He had kind of caught up to me and I saw his leg. It looked
like he had a red stripe on his wetsuit, which is pretty common but
that was actually blood,” said Davis.
Paramedic Jonathon Bauer asked the victim, a man in his
thirties, if he saw the shark.
“And he did get a chance to see it and it was a pretty large
shark that did bite him,” Bauer told KPIX. “He actually said he had
a struggle with it, as well.”
It ain’t the first time Whites have hit surfers at Salmon Creek,
although the name would suggest there might be a reason
why.
Two years ago, a local surfer, Katie Wilson, was a hundred yards
offshore when a White bit her leash and started to yank it and
thrash around. It broke and she got outta there.
In 2005, another surfer Megan Halavais, was hit by an almost
twenty-foot White, the shark’s bite just missing the femoral artery
in her leg.
World’s greatest surfer Kelly Slater takes
to Instagram, performs hours-long free form jazz concert for mostly
adoring public: “I was gonna adopt a dog in Mexico at a taco
stand…”
By Chas Smith
An artist in his prime.
11x World Champion Kelly Slater took to
Instagram, three short days ago, and riffed and jived and found
high notes and blew a few low ones too.
The ostensible reason for the one-man show was a duet with Jack
Mallers, founder of Zap and Strike, apps with a Bitcoin focus.
Slater revealed his love of the cryptocurrency, in May, by savaging Tesla founder Elon
Musk. Five days ago, after a lengthy Instagram
silence, he posted that Mallers had given him a “tip” about Strike
via Twitter.
“Strike is money without borders which empowers people to send
money instantly to anyone anywhere in the world. Forget the huge
fees Western Union and others charge. And there’s also no fees to
buy or exchange into Bitcoin. More freedom for the little
guys!”
Many of Slater’s ardent fans assumed his account had been hacked
with such a blatant promotion but the 50-year-old assured them that
it was all him (“I’m one of those crypto guys (wide smile emoji)
(big eyes emoji)”) and proceeded to ask Mallers on for a Instagram
Live chat.
Their conversation was fine enough, if you care about that sort
of thing, but became fantastic when Mallers dropped off after 30
minutes or so leaving Slater on stage and alone.
Fans questions, comments, salutations came pouring in while
Slater, perfectly symmetrical head filling screen, blue eyes
darting from comments to camera, answered, acknowledged,
elucidated.
Pure free form jazz.
Fiji will likely be re-opening in December and he encourages
people to book.
He misses Surfing and Surfer‘s demise, fondly
recalling the first picture that he had as a 12-year-old.
He averages drinking one beer a week.
He felt like he was in a “time bubble” at a recent Pearl Jam
concert and they remain one of his favorite bands.
“Growing, learning, understanding people better,” is what
excites him about the future.
He won a piece of land near Shipwrecks down Cabo way but never
claimed it.
He was going to adopt a dog in Mexico when he was just there.
Found at a taco stand and it needed to go the the veterinarian to
get shots and cleaned up but he had to get to the airport. He
tasked someone to check in on the dog after he got home. The person
found and sent pictures to him. He was thinking about having that
person bring the dog up to California but decided it would be
better for him to do it himself. In the morning he found out the
dog had been hit by a car and died.
Very sad but also like a Zen koan.
Someone commented “F.U.” and he responded “Ok, you’re
dropped.”
Less Zen but still powerful.
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The great Rickson Gracie, on bottom, real calm
in the storm. Vale Tudo/Choke
The blissful joys of hypoxia and the
realisation that Twinks raised on surf can roll with Bears! “If I
could survive the sea, there was no human that I could not deal
with because no man can bring the same level of panic and
discomfort as the ocean!”
By Derek Rielly
I think of these words every time a two-fifty
pounder is grinding his knee into my solar plexus and my eyes start
to leak.
There’s a moment when life slips away, when you teeter
on the edge of the abyss, and as that sweetest sap serotonin floods
the brain, where the divine is revealed.
Pain, depression, all the wrongs of your life evaporate as
paradise unfolds before you.
I frolic in a meadow with my children back at an age when they
still wanted to hang out with me.
Look over there, a happy chimpanzee in a t-shirt and diaper
bounces up and down! A pitcher filled with freshly squeezed
lemonade sits on a small wooden table! A chihuahua with patches of
fur missing dances on her hind legs! The setting sun throws a
golden glow over the tableau!
I’m here, paradise, so take me God.
Then, your legs are getting shaken, a couple of slaps paint your
face and you realise that ten seconds ago your head was wrapped in
the flexed gastrocnemius muscles of a man whom you’d only just
met.
Getting choked in a jiujitsu class is the closest you’ll get to
drowning in a controlled environment and it is, I suspect, one of
the reasons, although not the only one, why so many surfers are
driven to the sport.
The play was I’d get in there, get dirty, report back if it
improved my surfing and if there was a connection between the two
sports.
It was a nexus I’d examine attentively.
I began by watching the documentary Choke about Rickson Gracie,
a surfer, and son of the creator of Brazilian Jiutjisu Hélio
Gracie, and who was earning a million bucks per MMA fight twenty
years ago.
“Surfing taught me, probably more than anything else, how to
deal with the infinite power of things that are beyond our
control,” Rickson said.“All of the emotional,
physical, and spiritual elements I needed to surf big waves also
applied to fighting. If I could survive the sea, there was no human
that I could not deal with because no man can bring the same level
of panic and discomfort as the ocean. With fighting I am only
fighting another man. I only have to be precise, smart, and at some
point, impose my will on him.”
I think of it every time a two-fifty pounder is grinding his
knee into my solar plexus.
No…man…can…bring…same…level…of…panic.
Breathe, just breathe.
Now, jiujitsu, like surf, don’t come easy.
You start off as a white belt and via a grading system that is
casually observational rather than formal, at least where I roll,
you gather stripes as you improve in your live
sparring.
Don’t tap so much? Escape the clutches of a bear? Finish your own
submission? Stripe.
A stripe is a piece of tape that is wrapped around the black end
of your belt. Four stripes and you’re one step away from an
upgrade. White to blue, blue to purple, purple to brown, brown to
black.
Train six days a week for ten years and you’re close to black.
People in the biz joke about it being a more demanding course than
neurosurgery.
Like surf, I’m slow to improve despite hitting the gym six days
a week. The
concepts of leverage and angles don’t come easy.
I get tapped more than I should.
I get pretty busted up: ears flare up from being locked in
triangles and being squished into the mats and give me the
appearance of a weathered elf in Christmas photos; three black eyes
from accidental flying elbows and knees; I hurt my back when I
don’t warm up and my fingers ache at every joint.
An eye gouge from my son puts me into the Sydney eye hospital
and off the mats, and water, for three weeks.
I feel like a machine that has slipped its cogs.
But it’s so in my head I’m thinking armbar escapes and chokes
when I surf.
First bit of disturbing data is my lack of sleep. I figured I
was hitting eight hours a night, easy. Bed at nine-ish, up at
six.
Actual figures were closer to five.
I might be in bed by nine but I’m staring at my telephone for
the first 45, then maybe a book, some more phone, text a few
people, asleep by midnight, apparently.
A few nocturnal wanders, fifteen “disturbances”, bad dreams,
whatever, and oowee, now I know why I don’t feel real flash some
morns.
If I want to train, I have to get off the phone, learn to treat
bed for rest.
Get on it and snatch only a few hours sleep and your recovery
number is going to be in the red. Bigger the stressor the less able
your bod is gonna handle getting smashed.
Like this, three hours sleep and I’m at twenty-six percent. Stay
it bed, it advises.
After one hour of jiujitsu sparring where I think my heart is
gonna explode, I’m swimming in sweat, eyes are bulging, veins
appear on the surface of my legs and arms, and I’m lucky to score
an eight.
A victory for surf.
And you don’t get injured.
Next week: Finding common ground, even empathy, with,
for, VALS!
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Surfer “critically injured” after hit by
suspected Great White at Salmon Creek, north of San Francisco
By Derek Rielly
"Next thing I heard the dude screaming. I knew he
got bit.”
A surfer in this thirties has been choppered to the
Santa Rosa Memorial Hozzy after being bitten on the upper thigh a
little after nine this morning by a suspected Great
Whiteshark at
Salmon Creek, sixty miles north of San Francisco.
Other surfers in the water brought the man in to the beach
parking lot where paramedics used a tourniquet to stop the
bleeding.
“I was out with five guys — we heard a couple people yell shark
about 50 feet away,” a surfer named Cody told KPIX. “It was by the
mouth of the river. The sharks come there to get salmon…Next thing
I heard the dude screaming. I knew he got bit.”
The man is in a critical condition, say authorities, but is
expected to live.
In 2005, another surfer Megan Halavais, was hit by an almost
twenty-foot White at Salmon Creek Beach, the shark’s bite just
missing the femoral artery in her leg.
Last May, the shaper Ben Kelly was killed by a ten-foot Great
White while surfing at San Dollar Beach, south of San Francisco,
but what is essentially the same stretch of coast when it comes to
Whites.
(Yeah, I know, the entire Californian coast is a White highway
etc.)