Kauai colonist, electric surf-adjacent foil enthusiast Mark Zuckerberg has “worst day ever” as Facebook, Instagram crash after damning insights from whistleblower!

Black coal, white face.

Oh but to be the world’s 5th richest man today, of all dang days. To feel his pain, to bear his pressure, to have the winsome joy of e-foiling off the coast of Kauai, a hefty percentage of which you own, not able to salve the pain of hammers.

Oh not hammers by Kauai locals looking to choke (Whoop here) but the hammers, first of a whistleblower who absolutely damned Zuckerberg’s Facebook empire on 60 Minutes, then of an internet meltdown.

(FYI I’m happy that the spellchecks don’t force me to capitalize “Internet” anymore and feel my force re-spelling “internet” is a small part of that. Fuck the Internet.)

Today, Zuckerberg’s Facebook, Instagram and WhatsApp crashed heaping black coals on a whiteface.

Per the Associate Press:

The massive global outage that plunged Facebook, its Instagram and WhatsApp platforms and many people who rely heavily on these services — including Facebook’s own workforce — into chaos Monday is gradually dissipating.

Facebook said late Monday that it’s been working to restore access to its services and is “happy to report they are coming back online now.” The company apologized and thanked its users for bearing with it. But fixing it wasn’t as simple as flipping a proverbial switch. For some users, WhatsApp was working for a time, then not. For others, Instagram was working but not Facebook, and so on.

Facebook did not say what might have caused the outage, which began around 11:40 a.m. ET and was still not fixed more than six hours later.

“This is epic,” said Doug Madory, director of internet analysis for Kentik Inc, a network monitoring and intelligence company. The last major internet outage, which knocked many of the world’s top websites offline in June, lasted less than an hour. The stricken content-delivery company in that case, Fastly, blamed it on a software bug triggered by a customer who changed a setting.

Oh but to be the Cesar cut aficionado, out e-foiling with this on plate.

Not a chill sesh.

Much stress.

More as the story develops.