Controversy explodes as surfers trade blows
over whether vans with curtains covering windows belong exclusively
to perverts or are an acceptable post-session setup!
By Chas Smith
Hot topic.
Unexpected controversy exploded over the surf
landscape, hours ago, as surfers fell into opposing camps around
one hot topic and began trading vicious barbs. At issue, do vans
with curtains covering windows belong exclusively to perverts and
sex menaces or are they an appropriate set-up for post-session
changings etc?
David Lee Scales brought the scenario up on our weekly chat,
recently, and I imagined the truth was obvious. For debauchees. I
did not know, though, that many in our community appreciate the
aesthetic. My phone blew right up with surfers accusing me of
deviant-ism, of profiling, of painting with too broad a
moustache.
Included, one Rob Machado who coldly declared, “My van has
curtains and they fucking rule.”
So where do you stand?
#TeamMasturbatorium or #TeamAllowedWithin100ftOfSchools?
David Lee and I also discussed skimboarding. All in all a very
fine program.
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Kelly Slater as imagined by @sensitiveseashellcollector
vociferously pro-plant.
World’s most important surfer Kelly Slater
weighs in on detained basketball star Brittney Griner’s nine-year
marijuana smuggling sentence, international drug laws: “Imagine
plants being illegal.”
By Chas Smith
Controversy follows.
Yesterday it was announced that Brittney
Griner, one of the WNBA’s premier stars, had received a
nine-year sentence over the charge that she smuggled drugs into
Russia. Griner, who was detained upon entering Sheremetyevo airport
outside of Moscow on February 7th of this year when vape cartridges
containing hash oil was discovered in her luggage. Mere weeks
later, Russia invaded Ukraine throwing the whole business into much
disarray, Griner becoming pawn in new cold-ish war etc.
Well, days ago the Phoenix Mercury center received her official
sentence. Nine years in a penal colony for drug smuggling.
Reaction, from celebrities and notable personalities from across
the political spectrum was swift and universally damning of the
severe punishment.
United States President Joe Biden declared, “Today, American
citizen Brittney Griner received a prison sentence that is one more
reminder of what the world already knew: Russia is wrongfully
detaining Brittney.”
US Basketball released a statement reading, “We continue to
support BG however we can and remain engaged with the U.S. State
Department as it works diligently to being her home. The bravery
Brittney is demonstrating in the face of these unimaginable
circumstances speaks to the person she is and the strength she
possesses. We will not be satisfied until BG is back in the U.S.
and reunited with her loved ones, teammates and fans.”
Popular podcaster and comedian Joe Rogan added, “This is some
really horrible shit. I hope some sort of a deal can be made to get
her out, and I hope this makes us look at our own policies here in
America where thousands of people are in jail for cannabis right
now.”
To which the world’s most important surfer Kelly Slater
responded, “Imagine plants being illegal. Horrible situation for
her and also plenty of Americans. Hopefully her situation will
effect change everywhere.”
Slater’s boldly pro-plant stance was applauded by many but
lightly questioned by a surprising number.
@rena_lapres informed the 11x professional surfing champion
“coke comes from a plant and is illegal.
@henerlyhendo added, “same with opium.”
@Ohkaygomez stretched with, “beer comes from a flower and wheat
but it’s illegal to drive drunk.”
Slater, at time of writing, is yet to respond to his critics
though where do you fall, here?
Should all plants be legal?
Food for thought.
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Teenage girl stuns world by making final of
prestigious pro surfing event, beating cavalcade of top-rated men,
“You could hear the cheering all the way up into the judge’s stand
on top of the 200-foot limestone cliff!”
By Gareth Lynch
"A young lady, facing men on equal ground in
perfect, gnarly conditions, reaching the finals of a legacy surf
tournament. And doing it convincingly."
Man tears are still flowing into their beers here in
Bali as eleven male invitees had to watch fifteen-year-old little
girl named Erin Brooks rip her way past them into the
finals of the 2022 Rip Curl Cup at Padang Padang.
(She also soared past the female competitors while winning the
inaugural women’s division as well.)
After charging through the early men’s heats, in the last light
of day, the men’s final was a scorcher as little Erin held the led
for the first 12 minutes on two double-hand dragging screamers.
Fellow finalists Clay Marzo, Mega Semadhi and Mega Artana were left
to re-think their strategy, realizing that this little girl was a
real threat.
Spectators were holding their breath with the unimaginable
thought that a little blonde girl from Hawaii was going to win the
prestigious Men’s Rip Curl Cup in pumping conditions at this famed
and fearsome left hand reef barrel.
From dawn to dusk, showing fearless and total commitment on
every wave, Erin pulled into spinning barrels that Ian Crane
described as “like being inside a jet engine”.
The only controversy came in on one of the early rounds when
Mason Ho did one of those cool switcheroo rail grabs inside a giant
tube and only scored a low six. Apparently the drone wasn’t able to
give the judges a replay so they never saw Mason’s creative moves
behind the lip.
Erin advanced into the next round and the usually irrepressible
Mason was rumored to leave the beach in a huff. Understandably,
since Mason was dropping bombs all day and looked sure to be in the
final if not on top of the winners dias.
Regardless, throughout the day, Erin kept pulling into and
blasting out of barrel after barrel. It was quite a sight to see
this young lady dropping in late, stomping a tail stall and then
squaring off and hitting the gas to go flying out into the channel
as the media boats and caddy ski’s in the channel went wild. You
could hear the cheering all the way up into the judge’s stand on
top of the 200-foot limestone cliff.
Having earned their respect, the boys in the final rallied,
albeit with full sportmanship respect to Erin’s savvy priority
tactics. But in the end, Clay Marzo styled his way to a comfortable
win with Mega Semadhi and Mega Artana barreling their way to second
and third. Erin crossed the line in fourth after surfing four high
powered heats all day long against the best tuberiding invitees not
on the WSL tour.
Despite Marzo’s win, the scuttlebutt from the spectators was
that the real winner of the Rip Curl Cup, the real story of the
day, was a little 15 year old girl who achieved something that has
never been done before in surfing’s history. A young lady, facing
men on equal ground in perfect, gnarly conditions, reaching the
finals of a legacy surf tournament. And doing it convincingly.
(A word concerning Benji Brand. The South African terror and
Pipeline A-Lister, the 2019 Rip Curl Cup Champion, has never lost a
heat at Padang Padang. Considered a shoe-in for the win this year,
again, he won every heat he paddled out into. Unfortunately, he had
to surrender to a devastating case of Bali Belly which left him
bedridden. He was forced to yield his spot in the competition at
the last second to Clay Marzo, the surfer next in line on heat
points. ).
But whether or not Benji would have been able to achieve a
repeat championship, the real lesson here is that Erin Brooks
proved that the future of female surfing is going to strike fear
into the hearts of our misogynist surfing culture. And that is the
straight up truth.
As proof of this fact, here is a list of Erin Brooks victims on
her great day on the way to the final:
Shane Dorian
Luke Swanson
Mason Ho
Nic Von Rupp
Ian Crane
Taina Angel Izqueirdo
Ziggy Aloha Mackenzie
Kailani Johnson
Raditya Rondi
Agus Sumertayasa
Mustofa Jeksen
Tommy Sobry
Garut Widarta ( Rip Curl Cup Champion 2014)
Made “Bol”Winada Adi Putra ( Rip Curl Cup Champion 2004, 2005)
Think about that list. Could you do it?
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Open Thread: Comment Live on day seven of
the US Open of Surfing where the women are crazy and the men are
stupid!
By Chas Smith
And the women are crazy because the men are
stupid!
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Nathan Hedge and party pal Andy Irons, Cloudbreak,
2006. | Photo: Derek Rielly
Fears choice of sponsor wildcard at
Teahupoo could backfire on contest favourite Kelly Slater as former
Tahiti runner-up is pulled out of obscurity, “Legend, but is it
2004 again?”
By Derek Rielly
"When I was on the tour, it was the Fosters ASP
World Tour and the culture was about how good you could surf after
how smashed you got."
Pro surfing fans were stunned, some good, some bad, this morn
when the long-retired Australian pro surfer Nathan Hedge was given
a start in the Outerknown Tahiti Pro, which begins at Teahupoo
on August 11.
Hedge, who is forty-three and an ambassador for the Kelly
Slater-founded brand Outerknown, is a former runner up in Tahiti
and it ain’t out of the realms of possibilities that he could meet,
and beat, his master in the event.
His golden years were the early 2000s, big lefts, Mundaka,
Teahupoo, Cloudbreak, his specialities.
It’ll be Hedge’s first appearance in a WCT contest since
2014.
It’s a wild turnaround for the lil man, who threw himself into
rehab with the same gusto, after hitting the bottle a little hard
on tour.
“When I was on the tour, it was the Fosters ASP World Tour, and
at every town it was that town’s week to shine. If you wanted to
party you could party every week, all year. You can duck and weave
and fly to the next spot and leave that all behind and start afresh
at a new place, but it’s a crazy existence. The culture was about
how good you could surf after how smashed you got. That’s how it
was, last man standing. It was fun for ten-15 years but I wasn’t
surfing as much. I was always hungover, missing surfs, and it
didn’t do me any favours during those close heats. In the end, that
lifestyle took me away from surfing. A part of me wants to talk to
kids about this, but I had to do a lot of growing up by going hard
and just putting myself out there. In the end, I think they’ve got
to work it out for themselves, You’ve got to let them go on trips,
dig themselves out of some holes and come through the other side,
but at what point do you pull them up? To make five years clean and
sober, I did a full live in rehab for six months. That’s the
dedication it took. When they didn’t allow me to surf, it was
really to get myself right. Eventually you get day leave. But the
whole process took me out for six months. That was my third
attempt, and it finally brought me back to surfing. It’s like
having an injury you can’t see – you need to address what’s going
on, take the time to recover. Being male and Australian, people
think it’s a weak mentality to ask for help, but there’s help if
you want it, and it’ll only happen when you get the balls to put
your hand up. I started asking questions after I saw what Tommy
Carroll went through. It was obvious that something had changed in
him.”
Response from fans was mixed,
“Legend, but is it 2004 again?” was typical of the
responses.