Screw you, wood.
Screw you, wood.

Coral drilling underway at Teahupo’o as new aluminum Olympic surf judging tower wins day

Screw you, wood.

The wild saga surrounding the surfing portion of this summer’s Olympiad has finally, maybe, reached its conclusion. Per inside reports, the controversial plan to build a new aluminum judging tower to replace the old wooden one there planted in the lagoon has, officially, won the day and the coral, there, is currently being drilled.

Initially, the structure was going to be very big and have comfortable bathrooms. Locals became infuriated by the potential environmental impact and protested. Olympic organizers drove a barge over the coral to prove how safe everything was. Locals became more infuriated. Olympic organizers decided to make it smaller and an agreement seems to have been reached…

…until the International Surfing Association came swinging out of nowhere and opposed the idea, suggesting the competition be judged from the beach instead.“We respect the almost unanimous decision taken locally to continue with the launch of the construction work,” Tony Estangue, president of the Paris 2024 Olympics and Paralympics Organizing Committee, sneered.

And true to his word, everything is moving forward. A clear win for Big Aluminum.

On a call with stakeholders, the Paris Organizing Committee stated the tower will, in fact, be smaller and lighter, drilling will be done in places with “lesser coral” and that judging the contest from the beach or with drones is not feasible. It shared that having the judging tower will also be “safer” for the surfers and that the plan has unanimous support from the local Tahitian government, the International Olympic Committee and the Paris Organizing Committee. The only outlier, the aforementioned ISA.

Back to the “impossibility” of judging from the beach whilst using drones. Why? All sorts of “extreme sport” events are judged this way. Is surfing special?

Or is Big Aluminum just that powerful?

Well, in any case, the tower is rising and that is that.

Thoughts?

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
guest
21 Comments
Newest
Oldest Most Voted
Urchin Sepsis
Urchin Sepsis
2 years ago

They better zinc the hell out of that tower, otherwise all any disgruntled local has to do is place a bunch of steel at the base of the tower and it’ll fall soon enough.

justiceminister
justiceminister
2 years ago

Storm in a tin pot.

AI (for ever) .
AI (for ever) .
2 years ago

Rumours are Pip is going too boycott catching any waves at the competition to show his support for the environment!!

channelbottom
channelbottom
2 years ago

Wouldn’t it make far more sense to recreate a smaller version of the iconic Eiffel Tower upon the spot, reinforcing the French credentials of this particular Olympic event and France’s claims to sovereignty over these poor benighted Pacific islands?

Why the fuck do I have to do all the thinking for them?

Barrelled
Barrelled
2 years ago

I got 2 questions/comments:
1. Is this a temporary tower? I vaguely recall reading that it will be removed at some point after the Olympics.
2. Most likely reason the options of using video and drones are not feasible is the waves themselves. I can’t think of any other sport where the medium is constantly changing the way it does with waves. Snowboarding a la Trav Rice’s Natural Selection is judged via video because they can’t see the entire run from any one location and everyone is riding the exact same hill that never changes during the contest (assuming is not snowing during the event). In surfing, the wave itself if part of the judging criteria and its hard to judge the intensity of the wave via video.
3. This horse is a dead, bloody pulp. Nothing but a hide left at this point. (yeah I said 2 but hey, its BG where the written word means nothing)

Michael Flatlately
Michael Flatlately
2 years ago
Reply to  Barrelled

Yeah I thought it was to be dismantled.

FL Skunk Ape
FL Skunk Ape
2 years ago

a loo mi num

Dennis Commentary
Dennis Commentary
2 years ago
Reply to  FL Skunk Ape

Al u mini um

FL Skunk Ape
FL Skunk Ape
2 years ago

This is ‘merica. the greatest and most god blessed country on this earth, and if we say it’s ‘a loo mi num’ then by god it’s ‘a loo mi num’

Dennis Commentary
Dennis Commentary
2 years ago
Reply to  FL Skunk Ape

Ok thanks 🙏

ValiantScorn
ValiantScorn
2 years ago

We’re actually in the baby steps of WWIII, a global hodgepodge of ignorant, greedy trash ruling over sleepy sheep. But that’s not the most important thing to focus on. Let us turn our attention to the judging tower, in a once softly spoken place that big business has bought out. My FAV in life is when the poor locals who have made their coin off of exploiting their own backyard, try to put the brakes on. Sorry little social media braggadocios “warriors”, you let the proverbial cat out of the bag. It’s NOT going back in….enjoy.

astro
astro
2 years ago
Reply to  ValiantScorn

Unintended Consequences are a bitch to suck up.

Happy Camper
Happy Camper
2 years ago
Reply to  astro

sucking up bitches have Unintended Consequences

deeks
deeks
2 years ago
Reply to  Happy Camper

Unintended bitches have consequences sucking up.

Brutus
Brutus
2 years ago
Reply to  ValiantScorn

So locals who have made a few $’s out of their local area..are exploiting?

ValiantScorn
ValiantScorn
2 years ago
Reply to  Brutus

No. The point being, that when you put on blast the greatness of the area, and the wave you threw out chum for the human sharks.

Brutus
Brutus
2 years ago
Reply to  ValiantScorn

so what we are seeing here is that locals are still trying to control their own back yard from the mud sharks..so why shouldn’t we back them?

and VS I am pretty pissed off at your post in Ric gath….and mention spider….and myself…….if you know so much, you would know I had zero to do with Spider, and because of his arrest etc, I lost the biggest contract of my life , then got burnt!

Low wide stinkbug stance
Low wide stinkbug stance
2 years ago
Reply to  Brutus

Wasn’t it Ramjet who said that?

Brutus
Brutus
2 years ago

fuck you are right…having a bit of a day…..appologies to VS!!

ValiantScorn
ValiantScorn
2 years ago
Reply to  Brutus

It wasn’t me. I would know nothing about any relationship during those ventures. I’ve never known about your “business side” of surfing. I’ve only ever paid attention to what you did in the water back in the good day. Then later in life arguing the other side of the social/political spectrum than I. Hope you’re still in the water…..

ValiantScorn
ValiantScorn
2 years ago
Reply to  Brutus

Looks like big money has won the day there. My position isn’t always the popular one….
They are good people, in paradise….now welcome to hell…I guess!?


21
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x