Make longboarding great again.
Since trust fund billionaire Dirk Ziff purchased the Association of Surfing Professionals for free, in 2015, and re-branded it the World Surf League, it has been known for two things. 1) hating live surfing, preferring waves to be observed in a comfortable setting after they’ve already been ridden and 2) a progressive politics including, but not limited to, whatever is currently en vogue amongst Oberlin College undergraduates.
Occasionally called the “Woke Surf League” by haters and internet technicians, the “global home of surfing” does not seem to mind and also does its best to be a good ally for social causes including, but not limited to, planting a bush in Western Australia.
You can imagine the shock, then, when the League’s acting longboard tour chief, Kirra Seale, turned to none other than Donald Trump in order to shore up the 9-foot-plus offering’s sagging fortunes.
Surf fans, of course, know that the longboard tour has been long ill-thought by the World Surf League’s other chiefs who enjoy belittling the nostalgic dance. Last year, longboard fans had to turn to static Surfline cams in order to watch their heroes and heroines glide. Two years ago, sitting champion Joel Tudor was suspended in the most draconian of fashions.
Not even Sasha Jane Lowerson’s inspirational story of becoming both the first man and the first woman to win a professional longboarding event seemed to help.
Enter Donald Trump.
Kirra Seale, who once competed on the longboard tour herself was, nearly two years ago, promoted to “overseer” of the show alongside Tory Gilkerson, promoted to head judge.
“I am proud to welcome two great leaders to the forefront of longboarding in Kirra Seale as the Senior Manager of the Longboard Tour and Tory Gilkerson as Longboard Head Judge,” said Jessi Miley-Dyer, World Surf League then SVP of Tours and Head of Competition, now Chief of Sport, at the time. “This is an exciting chapter for longboarding, and I am confident in these two women at the helm. I look forward to working with Tory and Kirra to continue to develop and grow WSL’s Longboard Tour and competitive opportunities for surfers.”
Miley-Dyer might have been lying, however, as she continued to belittle the cross-stepping corp by actively not promoting any of it and also chopping contests and probably prize money.
Re-enter Trump.
Days ago, Seale was seen cozying up to the polarizing United States Presidential candidate alongside her husband, Billy Busch, whose name is eerily similar to Billy Bush of “grab-them-by-the-_____” fame. Trump offers his signature thumbs up while various babies are pressed toward him. It must be assumed that the topic of professional longboarding was floated. How it used to be the only surfing around but is now a lightly-regarded clown show. I would imagine Trump, who trades in sentimentality, was moved. I would imagine he will discuss potential ways to make longboarding great again.
Though how do you think this power move will play in the World Surf League’s new veterinarian offices?
A civil war brewing?
More as the story develops.
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Perhaps Don can grasp Miley Dires Eve like a 6 pack & walk her away from further ruining The WeaSeL, as well!?
Republican surfers get F-ed. Good deal you can all afford to surf wave pools, but where are you going to shit on yourselves without repercussions? Get the f out of our “public spaces” already. This is for you, surfers with AK47 stickers on your cars. Get a life.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Is that Derek on the right?
Is it gonna be Bud Light or Busch is the Question! I’ll take Busch anytime!
Sasha has a doppelgänger? https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Throwing in the 2 most hotly debated topics on BG into 1 article. Fucken genius!
Chas sifting for microplastics again
So this answers the big question of what all those boxes of documents were in Trumps bathroom. Just stacks of Longboard Magazines your honor!
Chas, we need an entire series on the Kirra Seale (and therefore WSL) connection to the Anheuser-Busch family ….
Sorry Rocks, just saw that you already posted clarification of said cunts.
no, I was apparently behind the curve for Johns Knees down below … I blame Chas for not cluing everyone in from the beginning
If the Busch dude has enough capital why isn’t the WSL offering to sell the longboard tour to Ms Seale? Is it such a dog of a business it could only exist like the ” Tour” – dependent on eccentric non surfers , all of whom appear to have inherited access to cash?
And Trump? surfing in tbe US shares few characteristics with surfing
anywhere else.
Because it makes exactly $0 for the owner of it.
Understood but the Busch family would be employing themselves to gain a tax advantage.
And why fund longboarding comps at all?
Leash free hipsters and van life scroungers have zero interest in competition .At my local break – a longboarder’s heaven , the idea that interpersonnal agression and competing is finding an essential truth is laughed at.
More attention is paid to facial hair grooming.
How about one on her relation to Sasha Jane? You gotta admit they look alike.
Big Busch is on the left, baby Busch is on the right, her husband. Still, both Busch’s, both cunts.
Orrrrrrr…
TRUMP TURNS TO WSL FOR HISTORIC TOXIC POSITIVITY CAMPAIGN STRATEGY, DISAPPEARS KEY STAFFERS WITH ALL EYES ON FINALS DAY!
Enter Tulsi…? https://www.thegatewaypundi…
I’d surf with her any day
You could hide in one of the craters on her face.
THIS is why I love BG!!!
back door man!
https://scontent-sjc3-1.xx….
THOSE Toes!
michael franks…popsicles
have any reserve?
Seale helping to ruin surfing and Busch ruining the beer industry, seems like a match made in heaven or hell. Tomato, tomatoe
most interesting part of this picture is the guy standing next to Kirra who isn’t Trump: https://nypost.com/2023/09/…
That’s a fairly depressing saga. The family sounded like they had everything apart from parents who paid any attention or cared.
Agree … and apparently that guy is Kirra Seale’s father in law. She’s married to his son (the other guy in the pic).
Laird ‘polo ralph lauren’ hamilton
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
uncanny likeness
How many years were we able to view surfing live, through a reliable online format?
10 -15 years? And it basically was subsidised by the brands for that period by Wall Street money.
Is the ability to view the whole thing live a right? It makes sense as it really can’t be that expensive but it’s possibly not a right for us, the consumers.
Anyone know when the first proper webcasts were? I’m fairly sure I was watching back then but I have no idea when that was.
one or two beach cams, four surfers in the water, no booth, no commercials, no chyrons…no waves.
Okay. I don’t remember those years. I tuned in sometime between 2003-2008 and by the time I did start watching it was decently sorted out with commercials from either QuikRipBong who organised each contest.
Been following the tour since ‘95 through the mags.
super 8mm, then 16mm, then watched in school auditoriums…months after the events. then came ABC wide world of sports and then The Smirnoffs….
Best not to wade into this quagmire, even with high top rubber boots. I’ll check out the verbal assaults later, bowl of popcorn in hand. Carry on!
make pipe last again
Whoever her husband is, he’s clearly taking style cues from Erik Logan
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
He’s the Heir to Anheuser-Busch
one would think he could afford a decent stylist then
He screams latent urban homoerotica tendencies…not that there’s anything wrong with that and of course I’m not judging. BUT that sport coat paired with the sockless Gucci loafers is embarrassing.
Looks like an onion eating close talker
Sockless with a sport coat is an unforgivable fashion faux pas no matter who you are
Such a bad look
That’s not a real job. Probably a couple hours a day between pilates classes and picking up the kids from school.