A heavy accusation from the machine.
One of the high points of this still-young year has been the blossoming of a spite tree in Kelly Slater’s heart. The greatest to ever do it, 11 time world champion etc. had seemed lost entering the 2024 World Surf League season. Yes, he had been gifted a special season-long wildcard and didn’t need to win in order to stay on tour but going along/getting along is not in the GOAT’s DNA and he looked… lost. Empty. In need of… something.
As a keen observer of the surfing life, and longtime surf journalist, I knew that he needed spite in order to fly again and so began carrying on about the fifty-six year old never winning a heat again. Planting it deep, watering it daily. I knew it would be hard on him, so also sowed a spite baby, insisting that he was having a girl thereby gifting him a boy.
Now, the scattering of spite is a delicate task, one entrusted to the most noble though Surfer Magazine and its AI-generated robot “writers” don’t understand nuance though do enjoy a good bit of plagiarism and decided to plant spite seeds of their own, accusing Slater of attempted murder.
The piece reads real weird, as artificial intelligence often does, as the robot struggles to describe Slater dropping in behind Ryan Callinan then shooting his board at his head. A heavy accusation and very confusing as to what is supposed to be achieved with this spot of spite?
You can watch the entirely benign tableau here.
Does the machine want Kelly Slater to actually start murdering people?
Very terminator.
Ugh.
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Living legend??
Hahahahahahahahaha-ha!
I love how you always add a few extra years onto Slaters age, he’s 52 not 56. Not sure if it’s for comedy/spite or sheer incompetence..
Smart money’s on the latter.
He’s 58. Born in 1966, the same year the Beatles released Revolver.
I thought he was 60 ,,
I’ve always known his age to be 10 years older than mine, hence I remembered. Also he won Pipe at the age of 50, that was 2 years ago not 8.
Are you arguing against The Beatles ?!? Wow.
Meh ..most people get grumpy at his ages
Fark…gotta admit Kells was lookin good in his last heat at bells…I dear say he woulda won had he not gone lobster diving and finally a board with a nose.
Chas Smith, Horticulturalist
aka Green Fingers
HURLING – (i) An Irish game kinda like aggro Field Hockey.
(ii) Throwing an object.
(iii) To vomit.
HURDLING – To jump over hurdles.
HURTLING – To travel at speed in a barely controlled manner.
At first Kelly was HURTLING down the line with an attempt at HURDLING a long section above and behind RCal, but ended up falling and in doing so HURLING (ii) his board (which could also be described as ‘sending his board HURTLING’) toward RCal.
The Surfer AI Bot was (is always) HURLING (iii) everywhere but the toilet, as were some BG commenters (especially those who’d lost money betting on the Pro HURLING (i) League).
“Three Hurls, two Hurtles and a Hurdle”
(coming to a big screen near you soon)
absolutely, quite nice of slats to get close but then bail at the last moment, rcal can buy him a beer. also, wtf was rcal doing being there in front of slats? call me old school but if you do cop a board to the head after dropping in it’s 100% your own fault.
Happy Eostre, all you heathens https://uploads.disquscdn.c…