"The Filipe Toledo story could crush Cool Runnings, Miracle on Ice, Eddie the Eagle and I, Tonya as the greatest Olympic film ever…"
Surfing’s ground has forever shifted. An extraordinary 9.67 reverberating all the way from the middle of the Pacific to the very rues of Paris and very likely beyond. A new king of Teahupo’o crowned. To hell with The People™ and their eternal whinging.
All hail Filipe Toledo.
Now, you may certainly be aware of my own… dubiousness when it came to the best small wave surfer in the world and his willingness to throw himself over the ledge at what the Wall Street Journal is calling “the most terrifying venue in the history of the Olympics.” Toledo’s historic 0.0 heat total at Teahupo’o in 2015 and his unwillingness to cross swords with two elderly gentlemen in 2022 setting a narrative that the lion might be afraid.
Yesterday, though, the two-time world champion slid into a four foot wave, threaded the tube, explained by Barton Lynch to be called such becasue “that’s the exact shape of it that you see from the inside,” and came out roaring.
His father, Ricardo, growling himself, very much essential in the usurpation of the throne.
House Toledo at the start of what is likely to be a long reign over the Place of Skulls.
Before Olympic Shortboard Surfing had gotten underway, the elder Toledo had sensed evil talk about his son, particularly from this very “unhappy” and “nonsense” surf journalist here, needed to be brutally and mercilessly brought under heel. Utilizing the powerful and unified voice of the Brazilian surf fan, victory was quickly established, as the aforementioned passionate bloc heeded the call with a trademarked barrage of death threats plus poop emojis.
The way thus paved for the biggest single moment in surfing history.
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Who will play the hero?
Who will play his father?
Who will play the manager, muscles bursting from carrying much water?
And who will play the villainous surf journalist?
More, certainly, as the story develops.
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2.46 > 0.0
Ive not watched an Olympics since I I glimpsed a grown man painted blue like a Smurf with his sack of ball replete in exposure next to a tween grooving away in her great performative moment. The several other men cosplaying as strippers carry on adjacent was extra.
These kind of games Id not rather see.
Then here Im supposed to pay for some kind of cock to watch it all. Peacock to be clear.
Im in Freudian nightmare.
Hearing Tilepe get it makes me gloat slightly.
Woke Olympic feminists up next! Hopefully!…doubt it though! Woke is Weak…
Nek minnit…
His subsequent barrel dodging may be the single greatest moment in surf journalism
So yesterday….Not today Pip!….
“Daddy, that man said mean things about me. Can you beat him up for me please?” Says the man who isn’t a man.
Judging by the breathlessly fawning headline it appears Ricardo’s “big legal threats” may have turned Chas out. My god, leave some for Mrs Toledo!
Fast Times at Ridgemont High starring BG commentators who hook-up with Phoebe Cates, Jennifer Jason Leigh. We all play the role of Spicoli, eat pizza, pillage, etc. Who plays Mr. Hand?
Hippy. He comes across kind of preachy and judgmental like a 70’s teacher
with all due respect…Negs…luv and The Powers That Be…The Queen still rules~
Jeez, Chas. If you want to kiss Pip’s ass in public so badly, just ask him. I’m sure he’ll allow you to, with the cameras running. You don’t have to resort to such a blatantly exaggerated headline. For top moments in surf history, this doesn’t even make the Top 100.
Written with and undertone of sarcasm perhaps ?
I read this both laughing and crying.
BUT when will the Toledo family rep comment on this article? Will he/she/they threaten to kick someone’s ass for accurately commenting on his history of synchronized paddling while not actually surfing Teahupo’o until John John and others showed him how to do it over the weekend?
They’ve already made this movie. It a Disney movie called “Dumbo”. In this movie A small mouse gives an elephant with big ears a feather. The mouse tells the elephant that with the feather he can fly… in the end it’s revealed that he could fly the whole time, he just needed the feather to believe, bravo Dumbo.. we knew you could do it all along!
You, Chas, can play his sperm.
THIS is gross you filthy pig!
BRAVO!
Greezin cunts all over the shop
Day three wrap just sent – somewhat of a counter to the great fluffing of Filipe!
Oh khrist. The arrogant drama of the lot of them is unreal.
They get megabucks for playing in the ocean and they project themselves like they’re saving the planet from a asteroid, out of their own pocket.
Il est un petit garçon avec une coeur la meme a une pois!
Xox
I’ve been trying to say that out loud and havin a kill at the same time
Tray be end
The sarcasm is strong in this one