World surf tour opener disappoints at sub-par Pipeline, “Once again it’s a fever dream tour of what might be”

"All the bluster, all the build up, and here we are back praying for waves…"

Well Hello, tenuous internet friends!

Latest Insights on Pipeline Masters 2025 News

Stay updated with all the latest pipeline masters 2025 news as it unfolds.

For a comprehensive look at pipeline masters 2025 news, make sure to follow our coverage.

For further updates, stay tuned for more pipeline masters 2025 news as the event progresses.

Been a long time, shouldn’t have left you…etc Yet the beat of the WSL remains very much the same.

Or as my old man was wont to say in the mildly-racist-through-ignorance landscape of 1990s west Scotland, “Same darkie, different haircut.”

As we dive deeper into this season, the pipeline masters 2025 news will reveal exciting developments.

Though I, for one, am delighted the WSL is back. If only as a convenient scapegoat for all manner of personal failings.

Fans looking for the latest pipeline masters 2025 news will not be disappointed.

As you may not know nor care, I’m currently writing a book. This apparently involves substance abuse and indulgence of vices left, right and hither. All mostly in lieu of actually writing publishable words.

So it follows that watching hours of live surfing and calling it work feels very liberating.

But it’s a feeling, one might imagine, akin to Stockholm Syndrome. This unrepentant urge to greedily gulp down the monotone platitudes of Joe Turpel, the amphetamine wittering of Kaipo Guerrero, and the flatlining back up acts of Jesse and Flick; and yet to simultaneously hate them with all of your being.

Then hate yourself more for wanting them. But consume them we will.

And once again it’s a fever dream tour of what might be. All the bluster, all the build up, and here we are back praying for waves at sub-par Pipeline.

It was a party of fours and fives. The only score going into the “Excellent” range was a flat eight for a Jack Robinson barrel to open his heat, but that looked juiced.

They went stat crazy in the booth, regardless. But the analytics customary in Americanized sport remain an awkward fit for the loose parameters of pro surfing.

Still, Kaipo persisted on introducing one meaningless stat after another. The screen graphics did little to add to my understanding, or the perceived relevance.

Here are some stats of my own: just 33.33% of male surfers managed heat totals in double figures today. 50% of those occurred in just two heats. In these heats, 100% of the surfers scored double figure totals.

How do you like them apples, Kaipo?

It’s vital to keep an eye on pipeline masters 2025 news to understand the evolving landscape.

With every event, we anticipate new pipeline masters 2025 news that could reshape the competition.

The scoring was testament to the judge’s silent insistence that barrels were the only maneuver that would score.

It makes sense at Pipe, of course, but only if the waves are sufficient. There were some tubes on offer, mainly at Backdoor and the opaque Aints.

But the stubborn refusal of the judges to allow the surfing to suit the conditions is confounding.

Sure, none of us really want to see a comp at Pipe based on airs, but if that’s what’s dictated by the conditions on offer, then so be it. Furthermore, is this not communicated to the surfers clearly? Or do they just ignore the stated criteria by now?

Several surfers performed stylish airs to only paltry reward. Yago Dora being one example. He’ll surf in the elimination round as a result.

An interesting note was that Dora has separated work and family business by extracting himself from his father’s coaching stable. No more awkward match-ups with Robinson then.

On coaches, if we heard once today what a wild and wacky personality Doug Silva is, we heard it fifty times. Apropos of what, I’m unsure. Seth Moniz winning his heat, maybe? Silva was nowhere to be seen. Joe and Ross outsourced for energy nonetheless.

Another little Turpel quirk to pay attention to this season (we might as well make it a drinking game) is how often he refers to something (in monotone) as “another great story” or words to that effect. According to Turpel, there are always “so many great stories”.

I’m yet to hear one.

However, we did get a slightly less judgy version of Mumsnet for a while as a pregnant Carissa Moore joined Turpel. Predictably, everything was wonderful, challenging, and blessed. Carissa and Joe with the baby-joy vibe. Harmlessly saccharine.

My favorite performers in the water were Jordy Smith and Ian Gouveia, both of whom emoted vigorously on a lackluster day.

For Jordy, it was sheer froth. A self-described “mad surf dog”, Smith answered the unasked questions about what he’s still doing on Tour.

“I love surfing. I love competing. The life we have is incredible. Until something better comes along, this is it.”

Right on, Jordy, I found myself saying. I feel you, brother.

For surfers and fans, pipeline masters 2025 news is essential for keeping up with the tour.

This year’s highlights will be documented in the upcoming pipeline masters 2025 news segments.

Gouveia, too, was full of gratitude for being back on Tour after a seven-year absence. He’d thrown everything at a last ditch effort to qualify, apparently. Making it back was clearly meaningful. He struggled to compose himself “on the glass”, as they say. Not only had he made it back, but he had dispatched John Florence and Eli Hanneman at Pipeline, albeit all three men were separated by just 0.21 points.

Every wave ridden creates more pipeline masters 2025 news to watch closely.

Other returning heroes included Filipe Toledo and Kelly Slater. Filipe got the job done today, as pro surfers are so blandly fond of saying.

Keep checking back for fresh pipeline masters 2025 news as it becomes available.

As the events unfold, the pipeline masters 2025 news will provide the narratives we love.

It was “easy, small”, he said. “No big risks out there.” Everything he’s prayed for.

With every heat, more pipeline masters 2025 news will emerge that fans will want to know.

No one had asked him about his conditions or his fear. Clearly it still lurks, crocodile-like, somewhere very near the surface.

This season promises to deliver substantial pipeline masters 2025 news that we can’t wait to discuss.

Don’t miss out on the exciting pipeline masters 2025 news that will be shared throughout the competition.

Fans should stay tuned for the latest pipeline masters 2025 news updates and stories.

If there is a god, surely Kelly Slater has been closer to her than most. But not for some time.

More stats for you: It was Slater’s first heat win at Pipe since 2022, but his 99th there of all time.

After the opening round of the first event of the 2025 season, Kelly Slater has won a third of the number of heats he won in the entirety of last season.

The GOAT braying will persist any time he’s near a surf competition, and that’s not all his fault. But the reality is stark. Slater won just three heats in the whole of the 2024 season, (two were in Tahiti). In 2023, he notched just five heat wins.

It’s been a long time between drinks. Today, he won with a grubby looking board. He hadn’t surfed in five weeks, he said. A well-worn Slater trope.

But something old, something new. Today was the first chance to digest the Tour rookies.

Al Cleland is creating a stir. He has family pedigree, an admirable aesthetic, and the quirk of being the first ever Mexican surfer to make the WCT. He squeaked through to the round of 32 between Jack Robinson and Liam O’Brien. Though one might assume the forecast doesn’t play to his expected skill set.

Of the rookies, Frenchman Marco Mignot was the standout, winning his heat against Joao Chianca and Ryan Callinan.

The lack of French surfers on the WCT over the course of history remains something to ponder.

Australia’s George Pittar will also avoid the elimination round. So too Brazil’s Edgard Groggia (fantastic name!).

But Joel Vaughan and Jackson Bunch will need to slog it out with more established surfers, including Dora and Griffin Colapinto, if they want to stay in the competition.

Overall, some interest but no fireworks.

The comp is off for a couple of days due to the abysmal forecast. Welcome back to groundhog day.