Slavepools also for the girls.
I’ll be honest, I did not watch one minute of the Surf Abu Dhabi finals day nor do I plan to. The event was, of course, wonderful as farce but offered little in the way of actual entertainment for the serious minded. That aside, Italo Ferreira surprised zero people by winning the men’s side. Caitlin Simmers, though, a more interesting story with her taking out the women’s.
In trying to find a clip of the Oceanside phenom being hoisted high, I accidentally heard Joe Turpel say that she had “shown the judges something different” to which Felicity Palmateer said something about the 400 waves ridden that day and how it can’t help but look monotonous.
No way 400 waves for finals day, right? Flick must have been speaking about the entire event?
Well, Simmers came up against Molly Picklum in the last frame and appears to have walloped her pretty good. The two sit at one, two, respectively, but the future seems brighter for the carrot-topped current world champion. Simmers can win in big barreling waves, she can win on running points, she can win on high performance beachbreaks and she can, apparently, win in slavepools. At just 19 years of age, how many titles do you imagine she has in her? Or is the new thing to win three and then “take a break” forever?
In any case, Tyler Wright did not get stoned but she did fall to third place after dropping out early and it can only be imagined that she will continue to fade away.
The future of professional surfing is, truly, in Simmers grasp and if the World Surf League had any smarts, it would run a specialty heat featuring her versus Philip Toledo at Pipeline a la Billie Jean King and Bobby Riggs’ “Battle of the Sexes.
How good would that be?
Full event recaps from Jen See and JP Currie coming soon.
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I like the slave pool stuff because it’s the ultimate slacker activism. Show everyone you care for free because you weren’t gonna watch it anyways.
Thank allah that’s over
Chas, as a 40-something former string bean with two kids who loves him some drinks and who is putting on weight faster than Dane Reynolds, I have to ask how you stay so greyhound lean.
diet cocaine!!
Vodka not beer!
I have heard people in the know say that there are wave pools in Japan that are very good.
The same person proclaimed ‘URBNSURF’ in Sydney as boring AF to ride.
If you rode 15 , 2 foot 50 meter peelers that guarentee not to close out, would you find it boring?
In nature, no.
In a pool, probably worth a go once.
The opinion comes from someone of real experience.
Was there on saturday
I went in the ocean on Sat.
Challenging conditions. Always worth it.
Atta boy!!
Yes
Im easily pleased i guess
Seagaia Oceandome was demolished – too expensive to run.
Modern wave pools are much better anyway.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Well I guess this here is the complete and unabridged women’s wrap then!
Her best ever!
courtesy of a subscriber to TSJ. and should subscribe to BG. brilliant ad. but like most ads are searchin for a perfect
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wavesubscriber.I write to Jen, no story, let’s forget it ever happened!
Matty W giving you a big shout out in the EOS weekly newsie yesterday
Like an apparatus breaking during a gymnast’s routine or a hole in the ice causing a figure skater to fall, Griff got fucked…full stop nuff said
same, then I went home and drained the hot water heater cause it was fricken cold !
I did a mixture of wholesome and crook shit, in and out of the water dear Jen!
Doing life!
Xox
Jus for old times sake
??????!!???.!!!,!?
i want to thank the WSL for staging this event. We’ve all been looking for that pivotal, critical moment when potential new surfers would find the sport flaccid, repetitive and soulless and turn their unrealized passion to a truly engaging endeavor, most likely, pickle-ball. Get out of the kitchen!
Any tour stop now when we see Kaipo off the ladder, and on an on-the-beach miniaturized pickle ball court shamelessly plugging the latest WSL sponsor, a pickle ball paddle company based in Cambodia, where 7–year-olds wear diapers to assure quotas are met to manufacture PFA-loaded plastic paddles.
That last 7.43 was a joke. Not barreled. Incomplete. 7.43. Yay America. If you listen closely you can hear the star spangled banner playing in the background, and all judges standing with hands on hearts.
The cry = free
you lost me at “entertainment for the serious minded”
the best line from the event and one of then only ones I actually heard was when Rio told AJ:
“I’m just trying to be himself out there”.
to which Joe responded in a serious minded but loving tone:
“the best person to be yourself, is you”
Ok Joe, that’s a rare beauty
Chas with some intel for not watching a single snippet from final day.
Speaking of Tyler not getting stoned, what are the rules on Caity’s dabs in Yabba Dhabi? No drinking but weed’s OK i.e. Cali sober’?
So is Tyler’s execution scheduled for after the awards ceremony or….
Points for mentioning ‘my wife’ in post heat interview/state media
Eehhhhhh ma wiiiiiiiiefffffe.
Xox
What’s more redundant and repetitive in the modern surf industry?:
1) BG comments
2) articles by Chas and DR
3) Surfline mixing up feet and meters
4) One of the Carroll brothers and George brothers slinking back to BG once a year to pen something
5) plumber jokes for Negs
6) WSL running events all over the world in shit waves, killing any drama, and trying to hype up a dead horse.
Light a candle.
It’s Daytona 500 today. Nothing else matters
Dang rain…
Dang Onshore Winds….
Dang Sand Storms….
Dang High Tides…..
ON HOLD
you, a NACAR fan? I am shocked. Just shocked…
Good thing Titler is cutting government waste so that Trump can do fly-overs in Airforce 1 for this car race.
The best part is that the AP lost their spot on Air Force 1.
Ah, I’ve been looking forward to checking in with a Trump supporter! How’s the term going? You lovin’ the trade war and quarter-baked plans to annex Greenland, Canada and the canal? Is ditching Europe and forging an alliance with Russia sounding good to you? Do tell!
There is no trade war. Just a balancing of interests. We’ve already succeeded having Panama end China’s control of the ports at each end of the canal. Winning. Europe is oppressing itself. What’s the difference if Russia does it for them. Just kidding. That won’t happen. What will happen is either Europe ditches globalist elitist ambitions and actually represents the will of their people and culture, and kick out the hordes of third world Islamist filth that is hell bent to supplant Western values and culture, or they meet their inevitable fate without our help. Why should we be in NATO and fight for values that are so fascistic? Look at Germany performing raids for sharing a picture on the internet, classifying such as unlawful hate speech.
Russia isn’t leaving Crimea not the Donbas region. Obama perhaps could have addressed it in 2014, but over a decade on now, it’s too late.
Thanks for that, very interesting
BTW I’m fairly certain ‘fascistic’ is not a word. ‘Fascist’ works just fine though
he rode the beast ’round daq track, sang the anthem, drove the pace car, did the start ur engines, bombers flyin overhead, and dropped outta Apache heli…or was that tom cruise?
Nascar is the antithesis of WSL…and most sport.
you really have no idea of what’s gonna happen, or who’s gone win until that checkered flag drops.
speed, power & flow interrupted is a constant. usually can last 15 minutes between commercials. i’ll take the mustang~
hockey and soccer ratings big last week~
went to the martinsville race many, many years ago — a wreck every lap, psycho … and the fans – wow
yeah, but the thing about Nascar, especially at a track like The Paperclip is drivers can crash, tear their cars to shreds and still get back on the track and win the race.
You have to be pretty tough to be a Nascar driver….and regarding the fans, at least they’re real and not out to impress anyone.
in the famous words of Popeye, “I ams what I ams”. They’d truly give you the vey large shirt off their sweaty backs.
don’t doubt it re the fans, but it is definitely a spectacle … and remember FL is mostly full of rednecks anyway, so far be it from me to shit on that crowd (too much)
geez, crazy finish.
The last 20 laps were nuts.
Joey would have won if it weren’t for Stenhouse quadruple blocking.
Logano definitely had a fast car today. Till he nearly got lapped. And that Preece wheely ride to flip was nutty. That guy has such shit luck at Daytona.
I’m not saying the judges intentionally juiced Molly’s score on her second left to provide some drama and suspense to Caity’s second run — but I’m not not saying it.
Where can we get one of Tyler’s half full/half spring suits? And nobody bring up scissors!
Stanley blade would do the trick.
Maybe a box-cutter.
Possibly a guillotine.
You could try a cut-throat razor.
Even a Bowie knife might work.
If ya go hi-tech there’s always lasers.
For tradition though, a sabre, not rusty…
Septuple entendre?
Nah, just practical suggestions to alter your existing steamer into a suit like Toilers.
If ya wanna talk about other sorta stuff etc ya better off sticking with Dogsnuts or Derek etc…
You could probably scissor one!
Xox
Shucks, I missed the whole event! Guess I’ll have to wait until… checks notes… Portugal.
It’ll be difficult. Knowing that the contestants will not have previous knowledge of the entirety of the wave before paddling in. And the lack of a train to enthrall me, the viewer, will be a dopamine dampener. But as a true surf fan, I will prevail!
I probably won’t watch live until the Superbank if I’m being honest, and then I’ll probably tune out again until Tahiti.