A car hit a Jewish man. The paramedic says, “Are you comfortable?” The man says, “I make a good living.

French Jew and Israeli Olympian Eithan Osborne stars in “Jesus was a Jew, yes, but only on his mother’s side!”

Derek Rielly

By

"Hunting novelty waves in the midst of a global pandemic…"

“Life”, Phil Roth, a literary titan and a Jew, once wrote, “is just a short period of time in which you are alive.”

Words to live by, I should think.

Eithan Osborne is a surfer, and also a Jew of some note, and he is from Ventura, California. Two months ago, Dane Reynolds, his goyim friend, made the movie, The Happiest Jew in Ventura. 

In today’s release, “Jesus was a Jew, yes, but only on his mother’s side,” Eithan traverses France, from the Atlantic to the Mediterranean, “hunting novelty waves in the midst of a global pandemic,” according to his master Wasted Talent magazine.

Here’s the back-story:

Planning transcontinental surf trips against the backdrop of a global pandemic isn’t the easiest of affairs. Travel bans, quarantines, testing…etc. Equally, getting friends from afar to home shores is just as tedious.

Enter Eithan Osborne. One of California’s most promising exports, and no brighter moment in such weird times than being a person holding three passports. American, Israeli and most crucially–French.

“Wait, Eithan has a French passport? Let’s get him over!”

This was the gist of the conversation one cloudy September afternoon. However, what we weren’t prepared for was Eithan’s eagerness. Four days later, there he was in the arrivals of Biarritz airport. Negative covid test in hand. Ready for all of the beers, some of the wines and maybe, just maybe, some surfing. And with the biggest storm of the year approaching, our timing wasn’t exactly ideal with every spot in the North Atlantic looking maxed out—so naturally, our eyes turned to novelty. And nothing is more novel than the Mediterranean.

Oh The French Riviera!

Could anything be more novelty. Could anything be more luxurious. Is this the birth of luxurious novelty? Luxnov? With the car loaded, we dream of wedges breaking off the bow of an oligarch’s super-yacht. A few turns to the beach and then being invited up for caviar and Champagne. With one of the better swells over the past few years on the charts, it very much looked like we were about to find out.

72 hours later, we head back to the Atlantic side with tired eyes and wry smiles. With fun waves and weather on the charts, we link with local surfer and ‘Bong stable mate’ of Eithan’s, Justin Becret, adding a hint of local favour to the crew for the last few days of Eithan’s stay. With a stellar career on the pro-juniors under his belt, if it’s taught Justin one thing in the process, it’s consistency. He can punt with the best of them, with an outstanding track record of landing. He’s also a dab hand in the tube, and watching him and Eithan going head to head on the ramps of Capbreton and the tubes of La Gravière was more than impressive. We can’t help but feel the future of the bong stable is in a good place.

As that draws to a close to this year’s French Atlantic shenanigans for us. With a change of pace, a different coast, an absence of premiere tour but a large slice of novelty.

All in all, not bad for the surf trip that wasn’t meant to be.

Three out of five stars.

Ain't nobody immune to the cruelty of a wide-angle POV camera.

Ultra-surfer Kai Lenny releases shocking POV footage from historic Jan 10 Mavericks swell; describes waves as “ruthless” and “scary”!

Derek Rielly

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This is what a thirty-foot wave looks like, according to a wide-angle POV camera.

As previously written, twice, there will be no bad things said about Kai Lenny, the daring twenty-eight-year-old multi-discipline surfer from Maui with sea-spray eyes shaped like pecans, skin the colour of buttered cocoa and lips as red as if he’d just applied a fresh coat of pomegranate lipstick.

His legend just grows and grows and grows.

Yesterday, at twenty-to-thirty-foot Mavericks, Kai again used the power of GoPro to record his session, the wide-angle lens reducing the giant waves to something a child might ride during the “cruiser” session at a wave park.

The highlight, I think, is the shadow the waves cast on the lineup just before they arrive.

The classic work of Dom Mosqueira.

Documentary: The wild, and mostly true, story of how a male model from Mexico became the go-to-photographer at Teahupoo!

Derek Rielly

By

The photographic ace Domenic Mosqueira and his rise to the top of the game… 

When the Hawaiian two-time world champ John John Florence flies into Tahiti to hammer a Big South, the photographer he’ll gift his image to is the Mexican-born former Versace model Domenic Mosqueira.

“When I see his name I feel adrenalin,” says Dom, “’cause as soon as he calls, it’s go-time. He’s always excited to surf and you know you’re going to have your hands full for a week. It’s exciting and motivating to have that much talent and you don’t want to let him down. It lights a fire under your ass.”

Dom, who is scratching forty now, ain’t one to boast and if you ask him why he thinks John has made him his number one shooter in Tahiti, he says, “I think that I’m discreet. I don’t make too much of a fuss and I respect what he wants to do with the images.”

In this video, we get a little peek behind the curtain of Dom’s world, life at the end of the road and shooting tow swells intent on compressing a man into the famously shallow coral that gives the joint its absurdity.

A lesson in persistence.

Total flabbergast.

Mason Ho’s 2020 cream pie compilation: “I hunger for the rapture of extreme risk!”

Derek Rielly

By

Come into Mason's world of total flabbergast. It's dynamite.

It’s easy to love Mason Ho, the thirty two year old with the magnificent body and Eurasian appearance; silky clouds of jet hair floating to a twenty-six-inch waist.

This cream pie compilation of Mason’s best clips of 2020, rams a finger into the hole and disembowels the viewer, at least metaphorically.

Forty-six minutes or thereabouts of rock dodging, monster and mini tubes and all with the spark of a bantam loosed from his cage.

Watch with a double shot.

Down the hatch.

Thomas Carroll, still as beautiful as a Botticelli nymph.

Documentary: Two-time world champion surfer Tom Carroll’s “Lost Photographs of Pro Surfing’s Rise”

Derek Rielly

By

"We love that feeling of going back to that moment and then freezing it, observing it."

The world tour in the eighties was a real manure-and-bruises circuit, filled with cutthroat savages, immoral buffoons and with the requisite sex-pot distractions.

Much brutal womb sweeping, by all accounts.

The Australian Tom Carroll, who would win two world titles and three Pipe Masters, was a rare gem in that crowd, looking like a quizzical Botticelli nymph but equipped with the intellectual heft you’d expect from the son of a one of Australia’s greatest newspaper editors. 

With single-lens-reflex cameras bought at inflated prices from master photographer Jeff Hornbaker, Tom used the viewfinder as a way of “sitting back from the world and slowing it down.”

This lovingly produced documentary records Tom’s thoughts on the process and the route to his first exhibition, which also includes a photograph of his older brother, back when he was a ravishing blond.

 

Photo: Justin Jay/@justinjayphoto
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