Griffin Colapinto, Ian Crane, Jett
Schilling and Kolohe Andino toast their libidinous powers in “Men
pay for freckles and curls!”
By Derek Rielly
Most anything you want in this world is easier if
you're a pretty boy.
Breathe in the the scent of Lowers in this three-minute
short and think of surf and seaweed instead of inhaling the ammonia
scent of your own dirty hovel.
This is a movie, I think for men who want to dress in lacy
frilly things, pay for boys with freckles and curls and want their
cheerleaders with a cock.
Stars Ian Crane, Kolohe Andino, Griffin Colopinto, Crosby
Colopinto, Cole Houshmand, Jett Schilling, Kade Matson, Taj
Linblad, David Economos, Brett Simpson, Yadin Nichol, filmed and
edited by Jason Crane, maybe brother of the edit’s star Ian
Crane.
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Eithan Osborne, flying for Israel!
Oy Vey: Watch Israeli Olympian Eithan
Osborne and goyim Parker Coffin and Ian Crane tear hell out of Palm
Springs tank!
By Derek Rielly
Stage one of the old Wet 'n' Wild site's rebuild is
sweeter than a jasmine mist coating your face like a fine desert
sweat.
Ain’t nothing bad about a three-foot wedge built in the
loving arms of a desert one hundred miles west* of Los
Angeles.
It don’t rain, it don’t get cold and it ain’t Waco where you
stay in broken-down tin shacks with red velvet curtains and the
ghosts of David Koresh and his seventy-five white Christian
brothers and sisters, incinerated by the FBI just one mile up the
road on Mount Carmel, tapping on your window in the dark of
night.
In a post to his
sixteen-thousand followers, let’s call ’em Branch
Magnussions, Cheyne wrote, “1/3 the amount of wave generating as
BSR. Pool shape untouched since 1980. Less water than every other
full scale wave park out there. Still making sections for the boys
to go ham on!!! This thing is only half built people, wait till I
get double the power.”
Here Eithan Osborne, Parker Coffin and Ian Crane play while
Cheyne furiously tweaks his knobs.
(* As as since been pointed out in the commentary section, Palm
Springs is actually east of Los Angeles not west.)
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World Premiere: Filipe Toledo challenges
rep for pulling back in big waves in short film ‘Candid’: “The
reputation’s not good. People talking about it? I don’t like it. I
don’t wanna be this guy!”
By Derek Rielly
"I have to get better. I have to improve by going
out there, taking wipeouts, two-wave hold-downs, getting hurt on
the reef."
In this nine-minute short, perennial world title
contender Filipe Toledo talks, relatively candidly I think, about
the reputation that has bedevilled his career since
hiszero point heat at
Teahupoo in 2015.
“Pete Mel is in the water,” said the commentator Joe Turpel.
“Pete, has Filipe had any chances? Why is he scoreless?”
Mel struggled.
“Well, I think that…ummm…”
“The reputation’s not good. People talking about it? I don’t
like it,” says Filipe.
This film, made by Luke Farquhar, contrasts that zero-point heat
in Tahiti with his near-win over Kelly Slater at eight-to-ten-foot
Pipeline in 2018 where Filipe nearly nails a ten-pointer to win the
heat and stay in title contention.
“I’m not the best surfer out at Pipeline; I’m not the best
surfer in Tahiti. I have to get better. I have to improve by going
out there, taking wipeouts, two-wave hold-downs, getting hurt on
the reef,” he says.
As may have been alluded to over the last couple of years, the
film was supposed to climax with Filipe paddling into a ten-footer
at Teahupoo, emerging to indelicate screaming and a besmirched
reputation wiped clean; a project that had so many false starts,
trips to Tahiti, missing swells and back and forthing that it was
eventually shelved.
I do hate to waste a good interview, in this case Sam George
asking some pretty tough questions in a makeshift studio set up in
Filipe’s San Clemente garage.
So we cut the original feature back, stripped it to the original
interview and sprinkled a little fairy dust here and there.
Maybe you’ll like, maybe you won’t, although I do feel it’s
worthy of examination.
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Have I persuaded, via this guide, a single VAL
to abandon the noble art of rocking off? @stillstoked
Watch: Timid but tenacious VAL’s multiple
rock jump fails from giant Sydney swell! “I didn’t realise you were
that big of a kook!”
By Derek Rielly
As always on these things punch the volume right
up…
Jumping off rocks into the drink ain’t hard in the same
way as backside tuberiding ain’t rocket science.
Pick a line, steel your nerve, don’t panic. Easy to say, hard to
do.
I learned my lesson real young when I tried to follow shaping
great Darren Handley off Kirra’s big groyne during a
cyclone-fuelled swell.
Where Darren danced, quickly, over a well-trodden route, done it
a million times etc, and didn’t blink as he threw himself into the
ocean, I tip-toed, turned around, went back, stood there, jumped
into a set, panicked, untied my leash, tried to climb back up the
rocks, and finished my rock-jump campaign clinging to bolts on a
rock like a limpet, my little Rusty wedged somewhere below.
A good lesson.
And apart from a one-foot day at Whale Beach when I slipped down
a hole, and after a dozen years habitually surfing Burleigh, it’s
never happened again.
In this lovely film captured by Still Stoked during this week’s
monster swell in Sydney, we see a timid but tenacious VAL refuse to
accept defeat as he breaks every rule in the rock-jump
playbook.
I see half-a-dozen mistakes.
Tell me what you see, yes?
As always in those things, the commentary complements the actin
wonderfully.
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A perilous dance!
Enigmatic phenomenon Mason “Baby” Ho rides
four-nine, twenty-litre micro-surfboard in wildest clip yet: “Every
now and then even a blind pig finds an acorn!”
By Derek Rielly
"Mason first tries his 4’9” 20.00 liter Mini
surfboard ...Lost Rad Ripper and almost dies."
Mason “Baby” Ho riding little surfboards over the sorta
reef ledge that’d have most of us dirtying our darling little
panties, ain’t new.
But this has a feeling of madness, like a drunk beating his
against the floor. Here, it’s Mason and pal, Sheldon “Bubba”
Paishon, ploughing dry tubes under the hot North Shore sun.
“Mason first tries his 4’9” 20.00 liter Mini surfboard …Lost Rad
Ripper and almost dies,” says filmer Rory Pringle.
And, it’s not as if Baby is immune to regular ol fear of sharp
reef.
“Not reefs in general ‘cause I love reefs, but razor sharp
reef,” Baby told me a few years back. “That shit makes me cringe.
I’ll never snorkel at Pipe ‘cause I’m too scared to see what’s
underneath.”
In that same interview I asked him about his worst fight,
“I’ve had a few good ones!” said Baby. “I’ve never really gotten
too beaten up, though. I like to talk it out and do it nicely, like
what just happened recently at Deserts (Desert Point, Lombok,
Indonesia). I don’t want no problems after. I like to be
respectful. I’ll say, “I’m sorry you’re pissed, and I respect you
big time, but you look down to fight and I’m down to fight, so
let’s go in, fight, then shake hands and have a beer afterwards.”
That’s my theory. If you’re going to fight, respect ‘em and they’ll
respect you back and maybe not tag you so bad if they catch you
good. If they call me a bitch, at least I tried. I’ll come in and…
bang… dynamite! When I was a kid, an Aussie guy cracked me
really good. We made friends ‘cause I elbowed him in the face and
he was all stoked. That was on the Gold Coast.”