Get a piece of John while you can…

This five-minute short intimately captures the lavish life of John John  Florence as he “travels to Victoria to surf the second event of the year. Alpacas in the backyard, plenty of swell, and an appearance from Tom Curren highlight the story as John wins his first Bell, and his first WSL Championship Tour event since returning from injury.”

History tells us John John is no longer on the prowl and that his swaggering displays are only available via his pre-injury vlogs on his YouTube channel.

Highlights: a surf in two-foot waves where he demonstrates his mastery as a percussionist, what felt like his inevitable win at Bells and a moment with the preposterously upbeat Tom Curren, whose surfing is still as catchy as an Israeli pop song.

Cameras follow world number five through Bali and Western Australia. Layers slowly peeled off, personality revealed…

To know Kanoa Igarashi is to, necessarily, love him, it seems.

In this twelve-and-a-half minute hit from his masters at Red Bull, we become grafted to the Japanese-American as he, first, wipes his ass with the world’s best at Keramas, Bali, before being guillotined in round four at Margaret River.

Two nights ago at J-Bay, Kanoa, a man ever so easy to spot with his dyed yellow balaclava helmet, was like a movie pig broken out of its cage.

Determined and impossible to catch.

As was noted in that day’s Longtom report,

He had the speed, the flamboyance to loose the fins or carve the arc and a faux-aggro mojo so ostentatious that in spite of its tendency to alienate we are now learning to love. He freely admits this mojo is not his but a product of his coach Jake Patterson and after donning this cape so many times it’s starting to fit. Iggy in the yellow jersey.

Iggy winning Pipeline.

Iggy taking the World Title.

All these things could happen.

Is there a weakness in Kanoa’s game?

Apart from his roundhouse, he’s as perfect as a gorgeous pansexual carrying a sign that reads: Orgasms for Sale or Trade.

Plain delightful.

Wander into the dramatic territory of what Kelly Slater described as a "world title heat"…

Sound Waves is a swinging new series from the WSL and clearly the work of Oprah Winfrey Network mastermind and newish hire Erik Logan, whose genius makes me shiver.

The premise is simple.

Attach a microphone to a surfer before and after (and one might presume during) an important heat and see what transpires.

In this episode, number three, we cling to 2019 Margaret River Pro wildcard Jack Robinson. Nobody in Australia, most of the world, if we’re to be frank, can throw on the brakes and ride an eight-foot tube at The Box like twenty-one-year-old Jackie.

And as it happened, Jack met Filipe Toledo, the perennial world title contender, in their round of 32 heat at The Box, which was eight foot.

And as described in The Longtom Report:

Jack roamed around, he stood on his board and thrust his torso into the sky looking for set waves. When they came he simply took them at will off Pip. It was as brutally efficient as the annexation of Poland.

His second nine should have been a ten. Not many sporting products in this uber-hyped consumer capitalist world live up to or exceed the hype but Jack Robinson at the Box did so effortlessly.

This clip follows Jack before and after his heat, although there was no waterproof microphone affixed to his wetsuit during the heat, which feels to me like a lost opportunity.

Perennial troublemaker Kelly Slater tells the camera he doesn’t know how Filipe can possibly beat Jack and says that it’s a “world title heat”, meaning if Filipe loses then poof goes the title, although we all know that’s drawing far too long a bow.

As I said, bad man who will do things to your mind if you’re not careful.

But you must watch. Historic etc.