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The Best Job for Traveling Surfers!

Michael Ciaramella

by Michael Ciaramella

Surfers dream of a job that allows for months spent in foreign tubes. We found it!

My arrival in Bocas del Toro, Panama, coincided with the last few days of Carnaval, a tradition of week-long partying that I believe started in Brazil but has since been absorbed by nations across the world. Much to my surprise, Bocas is not only a surfing haven, but also a renowned party destination for South America’s wealthiest and North America’s most “free-spirited” (see: no bras, blonde dreds, septum piercings) twenty-somethings. A Caribbean Ibiza.

I’ve not partaken because the waves here are best in the early early morning, and even slight hangovers have been known to cripple my delicate frame into the late afternoon hours. In short, I’m a pussy.

Every morning around seven I hail a cab out to the surf zone and see what the day has to offer. I surf either the terrifying beach break or the dribbly reef and by the end of my session attempt to cozy up with another group of surfers. Cabs are $15 each way and when you’re on your own that adds up real quick.

Today I surfed the terrifying beach break and my ride-share victims were a three-pack of Aussies, at least one of which was quite the talented surfer. After the session we hopped in their car and I asked what they do back in Australia.

“Well, Matt’s a sparky (electrician), John here’s a chippy (carpenter) and I’m a plumber (plumber),” the talented one tells me.

All of them tradeys (tradesmen). Here for a month.

This reminded me of the time when, in Indo, I met a traveling Aussie duo, one of which was a chippy and the other a miner. They had worked twelve-hour days all summer and repaid themselves with a four month Indonesian sojourn.

All of this anecdotal evidence led me to wonder, is a tradesman the best possible occupation for a traveling surfer?

I asked the car what they thought.

“Well, it’s a trade-off, ya know?” the portly one replied. “We work our fucking cunts off for a few months, but then we make good money and have long holidays. A lotta blokes are fucking around at home with whatever retail job, making shit money and eating pingers to pass the time, and then they end up with no cash and short holidays. Meanwhile, we’re here. So yeah I like it better.”

There you have it! Tradesmen work hard and play hard, and that is probably the ideal situation for an aspiring surf traveler. At least in Australia.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe most American handymen are on contracts that pay menially, dictate a nine-to-five presence and allow two weeks vacation.

So, what’s the best occupation for an American frother? Surely one of our readers is sitting on the secret to wealth and free time…

Let love triumph: Buy “Aloha Akbar” tees!

The Editors

by The Editors

It’s a Brothers Marshall vs BeachGrit initiative!

Aloha Akbar is an initiative by Brothers Marshall and BeachGrit to solve, with slim-fitting tees and adjustable hats, the greatest geopolitical challenge of our age.

Which is?

Those swingers from what used to be called Al Qaeda in Iraq raising ruckus from Baghdad to Paris, Orlando and so on. Oh, I know. It was the Bush government that unleashed that particular genie from the bottle, Jordan’s Abu Musab al-Zarqawi rushing into the lawless void and redefining the meaning of barbarism. 

But, we’re all brothers right? It don’t matter what team you want to follow. We all want a bright peaceful life, for our kids to be able to stroll down the street without a bullet or bomb tearing ‘em apart.

In an obvious manipulation of words, the jihadist war cry of “Allah Akbar” which is often followed by suicide bomb, machine gun fire or some other munition, has been inverted to mean, Peace is Great!

The Hawaiian word Aloha also means affection and compassion (as well has hello and goodbye).

The Malibu-based clothing company, Brothers Marshall, and the Bondi-LA-based website, BeachGrit.com, firmly believe in the Martin Luther King Jr posit that  “Love is the only force capable of turning an enemy into a friend.”

Show the world you mean love with your own Aloha Akbar tee or hat!

Buy here!

Just in: Billabong signs Andy Warhol!

Chas Smith

by Chas Smith

Billabong inks the talent out of Cocaine, New York to a reported seven figure deal!

Can you believe it? Can you even start to believe it? Andy Warhol, hottest up and coming grom of our generation, just signed with Billabong!

BILLABONG!

Our sources tell us that Volcom and Quiksilver made heavy plays with Brixton being a dark horse to sign the talented goofy footer out of Cocaine, New York.

And son of a bitch… my head is still spinning with this news. It basically means that John John Florence’s reign is over because have you seen the way Andy Warhol threads a backside tube? Have you seen the tweaked airs he’s been throwing? And by “tweak” I totally mean “speed.” Like, he is ON speed. Like, taking it in both pill and powder form. But also have you seen how inverted he gets?

SON OF A BITCH!

Rumor has it that Warhol has already snagged wild cards for Teahupo’o and Pipe for this year and will likely have enough points to run the full tour next year.

Which events are you most excited to see him at? I’d have to say Fiji. I can totally see him putting on an absolute clinic in plus sized Cloudbreak. But I also can’t wait to watch his tweak game at Trestles. And his video part that is dropping this year should be all time. Like, everyone else is going to be ashamed.

FUCK!

Are you hyped?

I’m hyped.

BILLABONG!

Here’s a sneak peak at his video part (dropping this year).

FUCK!

Genius: Let’s crowdfund the WSL!

Chas Smith

by Chas Smith

Now is the time to remake the WSL in our image!

I am midway through book right now and my brain is absolutely tapped, especially when I’m sober. It is slow like thick molasses. Like summertime traffic. (is that a rap lyric?) Dead. Sore. Tired. Uninspired (is that one too?) But guess who just had one large sake and two large Sapporo?

Me!

And when I am slightly boozed my brain is very similar to Albert Einstein’s. A firing ball of genius wires. Nuclear shit n shit! And I just had the best idea ever.

So you’ve obviously read by now how Samsung jumped from the World Surf League’s ship and good riddance you Korean bastards! Go and make some more shitty phones and horrible washing machines. My Samsung washing machine just got recalled because, apparently, when washing heavy items the lid can fly off and cause mass bodily harm.

Suck it you Korean bastards!

Our WSL is better off without you. And wouldn’t it be beautiful to really make it ours? To make it so Pottz and Ron-Dawg and Joe and Raspberry wouldn’t have to pretend like they were talking to a non-existent audience anymore? Some giant NFL sized crowd of ex-CEO Paul Speaker’s dreams?

Speaking of that Korean bastard (was Paul Speaker Korean?) good riddance! And we have a full clean slate. The possibility to form professional surfing in our own image!

How much would you pay, per year, to watch surfing that was aimed directly at what you love? Good waves, good competition, good stories? A measly $100? I would probably pay $250.

Let’s crowdfund that shit!

Anyone? Anyone?

$250?

And, waiter, gimme another Sapporo!

Just in: Samsung Pulls WSL Sponsorship!

Michael Ciaramella

by Michael Ciaramella

Confirmed: No title sponsor for 2017 season… 

Do you want to know the most wonderful thing about Beach Grit? It’s that people love to share rumors with us so that we will share them with the world. It is a harmonious system because the whistleblowers get to remain anonymous and we get a great story, while still being able to pull the “don’t shoot the messenger” card.

In that light, just thirty minutes ago, the Beach Grit messages were infiltrated by an anonymous informant who asked, “You guys onto the Samsung pulling out of WSL coconut wireless news yet?”

What-wha-wha-whaaat? No, we weren’t! But now we are and thank you very much for that.

Next comes a reconnaissance email to the WSL’s VP of Communications, Dave Prodan. I asked Dave if he could confirm or deny the claims of our tipster. I had very little hope that he’d reply, let alone affirm their veracity.

Then, boom! March 1st to Christmas morning. Dave replies, saying:

That’s correct. Samsung will not be the title sponsor for the Championship Tour in 2017. The WSL’s official statement is, “Samsung has been a great partner for the surfing community over the past three years, elevating the sport to new heights and honoring the community’s heritage. We thank them for their partnership and look forward to an exciting 2017 season. The WSL is excited about upcoming announcements in the commercial space. More to come when available.”

I asked Dave if that enthusiasm meant they’d found a title sponsor replacement, but he reported that there will be no title sponsor for the 2017 Men’s and Women’s Championship Tour.

Oh, they also haven’t found a full-time replacement for Speaker yet.

So what does this mean? Sure, the League can finally rid themselves of those pocket-dwelling hand grenades and cut their insurance costs by half. But, it mostly means that the WSL, who was supposedly already losing a lot of money, is now going to be losing a whole lot of money.

Without a title sponsor, it seems improbable that the WSL will be able to persist as is. And as much as we joke about their geeky corporate demeanor, ridiculous jersey schemes and petty infringement laws, we need the WSL. Or at least we definitely want it playing in the background while at work.

So remember, joke all you want, but know that we, the viewers, will be the ones who suffer if the WSL goes under.