Back To Top
Beach Grit

banner

Elon Musk: Wave pools to “cause WWIII!”

Chas Smith

by Chas Smith

Great inventor has a prediction that should scare you!

Elon Musk is likely the most famous engineer in the world and the second most famous South African (after Jordy Smith). He is best known for giving the electric car company TESLA its wings and founded Space-X, co-founded PayPal, etc.

He is a prescient man so when speaking about the future and how it will look, people listen.

Yesterday he spoke about the beginning of World War III.

Of course there is much paranoia as North Korea ramps up its nuclear testing and intercontinental ballistic missile launching but Mr. Musk declared Kim Jong Un and co. to be very low on the things we need to worry about.

Instead, we need to worry about artificial intelligence.

“China, Russia, soon all countries [with] strong computer science. Competition for AI superiority at national level most likely cause of World War III imo,” he tweeted and then went on to describe how computers might destroy other countries if they calculate a preemptive strike increases odds of survival.

All I could think about was Steve Shearer aka Longtom fighting Greg Webber. Of Wavegarden and Kelly Slater Surf Co. and The Cove and even Flowrider. There is more heat around pools these days than AI and I could very easily see a war between them that quickly spins out of hand.

How far would Kelly Slater go to protect his intellectual property? He didn’t even blink when needing to destroy Adriano de Souza’s world title. How much farther could he go?

#scary

If you had to back a winner which would you choose? Kelly’s is barrel but Greg says his is more barrel but Longtom says they’re all going to die slow painful deaths (radiation poisoning?) which leads me to feel Wavegarden.

#texasstrong

But you. What do you think?

Revealed: Surfer “racism” has BG roots!

Chas Smith

by Chas Smith

When you point one finger at someone there are three fingers pointing back!

What a red letter day. What an absolute banger. I haven’t been this excited since Laird Hamilton talked about why sharks prefer eating women. I thought that things would be slow this morning when I cracked my eyes open and let the cloudy gloom in. It is Labor Day in the United States, a holiday dedicated to the celebration of wage inequality, and I thought too many people would be home stress eating to make real surf news.

But then Surfer magazine posted a racially charged Instagram caption!

And then I became a social justice warrior and they edited it into something arguably worse!

And then Greg Webber invited the great Steve “Longtom” Shearer to share a fight!

And then it was revealed to me that Surfer’s social media editor got his wonderful start right here at BeachGrit!

Oh you certainly remember Adam Jara. He contributed to your third favorite gossip surf website some year plus ago. My favorite of his pieces was Ace: “I was Former’s first customer!” wherein he recounted trying to buy a t-shirt from Dane Reynolds led co.

And now he is Surfer’s social media editor. I think I once knew this but forgot. In any case, it means that the racially charged Instagram caption from earlier actually had its genesis right here. Adam Jara learned from the absolute best in the biz and I’m glad took his education seriously.

Breaking: Webber’s pool secret revealed!

Derek Rielly

by Derek Rielly

Patented use of underwater jets!

In the almost two years since Kelly Slater revealed his wave pool, barely a critical word has been said or written.

A heady mix of mystery (invite-only, use of non-disclosure agreements) and drip-fed video clips has brought the desire to see, to surf, Slater’s pool to a fever pitch.

One man who has maintained a constant attack is the Australian shaper Greg Webber, whose own design he claims is vastly superior not just to Kelly’s tank but also to the Spanish-made Wavegarden, the only company to have commercially operating pools.

Greg says that once the curtain pulls back on his pool, Wavegarden will be destroyed (their design will be “redundant”, their response to his pool “fucking horrified) and people will become bored by the unchangeability of Slater’s “stunningly perfect tube”.

So, and drum roll here, the secret to Webber’s pool?

As revealed on the forum boards of the Australian surf forecast site Swellnet, and forwarded to BeachGrit‘s attention by reader William Healy Strömgren, Greg is going to use a series of underwater jets to create reverse thrust.

Which means.

A rip bowl! 

“A reverse current is induced by water jets throughout the pool basin to either negate the current or provide a reverse current to enhance the wave steepness,” says Greg. “It becomes a tool for wave shaping. Any wave pool with a high wave rate will either have to stretch out their waves like the cove does (which then decreases wave height quickly) or they’ll have to use a reverse current. Only one wave pool maker has the patent on that.”

Sexy enough for you?

Of course, not everyone is convinced.

Steve Shearer aka Longtom, famous here for his peerless contest reports, writes:

Hopefully, these things will turn out to be the white elephants they always have been and will die a slow and painful death so that they never rear their ugly, concrete filled heads again.

To which Greg replied:

Are you too scared to say all this to my face. My name is there and I have the guts to put my name behind my words. You bitch on like a chick and hide at the same time. That’s the flaw in all these forums. Virtually none of the whinging and slagging would happen face to face.

Longtom:

Oh christ, you honestly believe I am scared to say that to your face. Be at Lennox Point top carpark tomorrow at midday and I’ll say exactly the same thing. Steve Shearer is the name. Used to deliver organic fruit and veg to your old man at Angas.Let me know if that time doesn’t suit and we can make another. ps, you might want to have a look at your attitude towards women mate, they could be half of your customer base.

Greg:

Good on you steve. I’m in Sydney but up that way soon, like within a week, so great we will meet up. 

A fight!

At Lennox Head! Between your fav surf writer and maybe your fav shaper, wavepool designer.

And both like to get punchy, too.

More as it comes.

Breaking: Surfer falls on “racist” sword!

Chas Smith

by Chas Smith

Offending Instagram post disappeared after righteous shout!

Are you aware of the “social justice warrior” phenomenon? Even if you have never read or heard the term SJW you feel his impact almost daily. The Urban Dictionary defines:

Social Justice Warrior: A pejorative term for an individual who repeatedly and vehemently engages in arguments on social justice on the Internet, often in a shallow or not well-thought-out way, for the purpose of raising their own personal reputation. A social justice warrior, or SJW, does not necessarily strongly believe all that they say, or even care about the groups they are fighting on behalf of.

Well, this morning I decided to try on the Social Justice Warrior’s high-waisted jeans and take them out for a spin.

Surfer magazine, the grandest daddy in our game, posted a I’m sure well-meaning but extremely poorly worded Instagram, you see. It featured a picture of Luke Davis in a Nigerian barrel with the caption.

The country of Nigeria has always been synonymous with the darker parts of humanity. But a small coastal village is changing the image of the country one wave at a time. Join @lukedavisthegrey and photographer @alanvangysen on their journey to Nigeria. For the full “Lagoisan Oasis” article from our most recent issue, click the link in bio. #SURFERphotos

“The darker parts of humanity.” Uh-oh! I adjusted my belt, resting inches below my nipples, and let Surfer taste the bitter gall of posting overtly racist things to social media. (Read here!)

Well, within two short hours the post was ripped down and replaced by this one.

“The darker parts of humanity” replaced by “militant conflict, terrorism and kidnappings.” Sure throwing an entire country under the bus by making it synonymous with three specific evils is definitely worse than the confused “darker parts of humanity” phrase but isn’t that the SJW’s job? To take something semi-innocuous and really catch it on fire?

As I gazed at my reflection in the mirror, having been a victorious Social Justice Warrior for the very first time. Jeans high, cardigan baggy, glasses fogged by righteous indignation. And I felt… good.

World, get ready!

Surfer: “The darker parts of humanity!”

Chas Smith

by Chas Smith

Surfer Magazine describes surf trip to Nigeria, Africa!

Just two days ago I posted a piece about living in shrill times where all of our words are subjected to such scrutiny, peeled apart and generally found to contain some sexist, racist or other inappropriate connotation. Safe spaces are erected to to protect us all from the tiniest bit of nuance. Etc.

But sometimes our words are just racist and wildly inappropriate all by themselves. Like Surfer magazine’s today!

The “bible of our sport” took to Instagram a few minutes ago and posted a picture of Luke Davis being barreled in the West African country of Nigeria.

Let’s read that caption again.

The country of Nigeria has always been synonymous with the darker parts of humanity. But a small coastal village is changing the image of the country one wave at a time. Join @lukedavisthegrey and photographer @alanvangysen on their journey to Nigeria. For the full “Lagoisan Oasis” article from our most recent issue, click the link in bio. #SURFERphotos

And one more time.

The country of Nigeria has always been synonymous with the darker parts of humanity. But a small coastal village is changing the image of the country one wave at a time.

And once more.

The country of Nigeria has always been synonymous with the darker parts of humanity.

For the honest to goodness life of me I have no idea what the “darker parts of humanity” could be referring to other than the obvious. Is it… a nod to the 1967 – 1970 Nigerian civil war? Or… being Africa’s largest economy? Or… I’m at a loss.

Surfer Editor-in-Chief Todd Prodanovich? Can you help me here? What “darker parts of humanity” is Nigeria synonymous with?