Don't tell me this doesn't thrill you to pieces. I ain't being facetious when I say, I'll be seeking full-time employment at a wave pool.

Breaking: Webber’s pool secret revealed!

Patented use of underwater jets!

In the almost two years since Kelly Slater revealed his wave pool, barely a critical word has been said or written.

A heady mix of mystery (invite-only, use of non-disclosure agreements) and drip-fed video clips has brought the desire to see, to surf, Slater’s pool to a fever pitch.

One man who has maintained a constant attack is the Australian shaper Greg Webber, whose own design he claims is vastly superior not just to Kelly’s tank but also to the Spanish-made Wavegarden, the only company to have commercially operating pools.

Greg says that once the curtain pulls back on his pool, Wavegarden will be destroyed (their design will be “redundant”, their response to his pool “fucking horrified) and people will become bored by the unchangeability of Slater’s “stunningly perfect tube”.

So, and drum roll here, the secret to Webber’s pool?

As revealed on the forum boards of the Australian surf forecast site Swellnet, and forwarded to BeachGrit‘s attention by reader William Healy Strömgren, Greg is going to use a series of underwater jets to create reverse thrust.

Which means.

A rip bowl! 

“A reverse current is induced by water jets throughout the pool basin to either negate the current or provide a reverse current to enhance the wave steepness,” says Greg. “It becomes a tool for wave shaping. Any wave pool with a high wave rate will either have to stretch out their waves like the cove does (which then decreases wave height quickly) or they’ll have to use a reverse current. Only one wave pool maker has the patent on that.”

Sexy enough for you?

Of course, not everyone is convinced.

Steve Shearer aka Longtom, famous here for his peerless contest reports, writes:

Hopefully, these things will turn out to be the white elephants they always have been and will die a slow and painful death so that they never rear their ugly, concrete filled heads again.

To which Greg replied:

Are you too scared to say all this to my face. My name is there and I have the guts to put my name behind my words. You bitch on like a chick and hide at the same time. That’s the flaw in all these forums. Virtually none of the whinging and slagging would happen face to face.


Oh christ, you honestly believe I am scared to say that to your face. Be at Lennox Point top carpark tomorrow at midday and I’ll say exactly the same thing. Steve Shearer is the name. Used to deliver organic fruit and veg to your old man at Angas.Let me know if that time doesn’t suit and we can make another. ps, you might want to have a look at your attitude towards women mate, they could be half of your customer base.


Good on you steve. I’m in Sydney but up that way soon, like within a week, so great we will meet up. 

A fight!

At Lennox Head! Between your fav surf writer and maybe your fav shaper, wavepool designer.

And both like to get punchy, too.

More as it comes.

The 2015 Big Issue cover of Surfer. Prophetic? Freudian? A black man weighted by white surfboard?

Breaking: Surfer falls on “racist” sword!

Offending Instagram post disappeared after righteous shout!

Are you aware of the “social justice warrior” phenomenon? Even if you have never read or heard the term SJW you feel his impact almost daily. The Urban Dictionary defines:

Social Justice Warrior: A pejorative term for an individual who repeatedly and vehemently engages in arguments on social justice on the Internet, often in a shallow or not well-thought-out way, for the purpose of raising their own personal reputation. A social justice warrior, or SJW, does not necessarily strongly believe all that they say, or even care about the groups they are fighting on behalf of.

Well, this morning I decided to try on the Social Justice Warrior’s high-waisted jeans and take them out for a spin.

Surfer magazine, the grandest daddy in our game, posted a I’m sure well-meaning but extremely poorly worded Instagram, you see. It featured a picture of Luke Davis in a Nigerian barrel with the caption.

The country of Nigeria has always been synonymous with the darker parts of humanity. But a small coastal village is changing the image of the country one wave at a time. Join @lukedavisthegrey and photographer @alanvangysen on their journey to Nigeria. For the full “Lagoisan Oasis” article from our most recent issue, click the link in bio. #SURFERphotos

“The darker parts of humanity.” Uh-oh! I adjusted my belt, resting inches below my nipples, and let Surfer taste the bitter gall of posting overtly racist things to social media. (Read here!)

Well, within two short hours the post was ripped down and replaced by this one.

“The darker parts of humanity” replaced by “militant conflict, terrorism and kidnappings.” Sure throwing an entire country under the bus by making it synonymous with three specific evils is definitely worse than the confused “darker parts of humanity” phrase but isn’t that the SJW’s job? To take something semi-innocuous and really catch it on fire?

As I gazed at my reflection in the mirror, having been a victorious Social Justice Warrior for the very first time. Jeans high, cardigan baggy, glasses fogged by righteous indignation. And I felt… good.

World, get ready!

Surfer: “The darker parts of humanity!”

Surfer Magazine describes surf trip to Nigeria, Africa!

Just two days ago I posted a piece about living in shrill times where all of our words are subjected to such scrutiny, peeled apart and generally found to contain some sexist, racist or other inappropriate connotation. Safe spaces are erected to to protect us all from the tiniest bit of nuance. Etc.

But sometimes our words are just racist and wildly inappropriate all by themselves. Like Surfer magazine’s today!

The “bible of our sport” took to Instagram a few minutes ago and posted a picture of Luke Davis being barreled in the West African country of Nigeria.

Let’s read that caption again.

The country of Nigeria has always been synonymous with the darker parts of humanity. But a small coastal village is changing the image of the country one wave at a time. Join @lukedavisthegrey and photographer @alanvangysen on their journey to Nigeria. For the full “Lagoisan Oasis” article from our most recent issue, click the link in bio. #SURFERphotos

And one more time.

The country of Nigeria has always been synonymous with the darker parts of humanity. But a small coastal village is changing the image of the country one wave at a time.

And once more.

The country of Nigeria has always been synonymous with the darker parts of humanity.

For the honest to goodness life of me I have no idea what the “darker parts of humanity” could be referring to other than the obvious. Is it… a nod to the 1967 – 1970 Nigerian civil war? Or… being Africa’s largest economy? Or… I’m at a loss.

Surfer Editor-in-Chief Todd Prodanovich? Can you help me here? What “darker parts of humanity” is Nigeria synonymous with?

Desperately seeking: The perfect surf song!

Is there one song out there that sums up our shared experience perfectly?

If you are a regular here at BeachGrit then you know how fascinated I am by Cornwall and the British surfing scene. It is a whole world of endless wonder because it seems to mirror what happens in the rest of surfing but is, at the same time, completely disconnected from it.

Like a grand social experiment studying what happens when you remove sun and warmth from a quintessentially sunny and warm pastime.

And so it was with much thrill, this morning, that I clicked on the story Watch Surf Champion and Acclaimed Rockers Collaborate on Special Song in Cornwall.

Who was this surf champion? And these acclaimed rockers? Obviously I had heard of neither but let’s poke our heads into this alternate universe and learn!

Cornwall’s gnarly waves and its rural rock’n’roll have inspired an unlikely collaboration between a British surf champion and one of the region’s most successful bands.

Three-times British champ Alan Stokes and Wille and the Bandits star in a a new online documentary series, Fins and Strings, which compares and contrasts the worlds of the professional musician and the pro surfer.

The series follows the Newquay surfer and the internationally acclaimed band as they work together to write the ultimate surf soundtrack.


Oh, I am not doubting that Alan Stokes and Willie and the Bandits will come up with something very fine for the Cornwall scene but what do you think the ultimate best ever surf song is in real life?

I submit Turbonegro’s All of my Friends are Dead. You won’t be able to beat it but you can try.

Dane Reynolds, father of three, searches for the flicker of sweet kinship in the eyes of his twin baby gals.

Dane and Corts just had two little gals!

The dynasty of the one time best surfer in world and Ask Pam mastermind grows!

A few hours ago, your favourite couple, the one-time best surfer in the world (2006-2012), Dane Reynolds, and Ask Pam mastermind, falconer and clothier Corts Jaedtke, burst out twin gals.

Can you believe it’s been two years since Sammy Boo rained on the decade-long lovers? 

Via the publishing phenomenon of Instagram, we can inspect the two children. Below, is the surfer husband, slightly awed, perhaps a little scared by the reality of two infants whom he must protect and support.

Here, the mother, gorgeous despite exertion.

What symbols of virility the pair have proven to be.

One, a tall stud with a natural hairdo, and Courtney, with the luminous eyes and strong face. Loving each other since they were very young.

I wonder, in the west, where child-bearing is delayed and marriage viewed as the folly of the slightly nutty, if the success of their union might inspire others, perhaps you, to feel the dizzy excitement of creating a kid.

Is the idea of creating a powerful lineage, a dynasty suddenly back in vogue?