Five bad ladies who tried to rip out Sterling's heart…
In the game of love, ain’t nobody winnin’. Cards are forever being shuffled, rules bent this way and that. And there isn’t a man better qualified to talk about givin’ gals a heart and a diamond only to get clubbed with a spade than Sterling Spencer, the twenty-ish year-old surfer from the USA’s Gulf Coast. Love finds a way for most of us. But not for Sterling…
1. Lauren was my seventh grade girlfriend and I was in love with her. I thought we were gonna get married for sure but she cheated on me with a jock.
I dated Lauren for almost a year. I thought I was gonna marry her and I was, like, 12. She was my first kiss. It was at a school dance. I walked from one side of the room and she walked from the other side and we met in the middle. Straight out of a movie. Everybody saw it. I felt super-guilty for kissing a girl. I felt weird and scared. She stopped liking me and started dating a jock the next week. I was heartbroken. It was the first time I was truly crushed. She broke up with me at the skate rink and I went home and cried. I had another girlfriend by the next week. I moved on pretty quickly, but I was in love with her for, like, another year until I finally got over her. I think it was easier to get girlfriends when I was younger. It’s ’cause you’re all stuck in a classroom together and you see them every day. The guy she cheated on me with was a football player. He was short and he was full-on preppy. I always didn’t like him. I was a surfer guy; he was a jock. They made fun of me a bit, but I could play football really well so they didn’t give me too much shit.
2. Paige was my 11th grade girlfriend. I thought we were getting married for sure but she cheated on me with the guy she is married to now.
I dated Paige for two years and she was a full-on surfer chick. We’d go surf and I’d do a big air and she’d say that it turned her on. I went to Australia and she wasn’t talking to me much. I was calling her on a pay-phone every night and she wouldn’t talk to me. Then, she called me and said she was hanging with another guy and I was all freaked-out. On Valentine’s Day, I sent her a teddy bear from Australia. She was like, “This is stupid.” She didn’t break up with me, so I flew home and was, like, “I’m coming to you”. She said, “No, no, there’s someone else,” so I said “Alright, let’s just break up,” and she said ok. So we broke up and the guy she cheated on me with, she’s married to him now. I don’t think I woulda married her ‘cause she’s kinda crazy.
3. Sarah was a cougar and tore my heart into a poop.
The cougar. She led me on, like she really liked me, then she didn’t like me. She’s only four years older than me, but I call any girl that’s older than me a cougar. She moved to another town, though. It was more of a passing fling. She was a brunette, a bit shorter, with blue eyes. She was already in college and I was at school. She was way outta my league. I’d try to be adult and take her out on dates. We’d go to these nice restaurants and it was funny ’cause she could drink and I couldn’t. So I’d be the designated driver.
4. I dated Maggie for five years. And, then the oil spill broke us up.
Maggie is my most recent break-up. The oil spill broke us up. The oil spill happened and we broke up at the same time, so I just blame the oil spill. I’m still a little bit torn up about it just ’cause we dated for so long. But I think we both kinda knew that it wasn’t really going anywhere. She didn’t wanna travel with me. She’s got a serious job at a hospital so we just started to part ways. Being a pro surfer makes it hard. She never traveled. She was always doing school or work. She’d just graduated and was gonna go travel, but she got a job straight away. That was kinda the last straw. It’s hard, especially where I live, there’s no waves so it’s not like I can cruise at home and get work done. I always kinda have to be moving. For the first couple of years I thought she was the one. I started dating her when I was 19 and she was 16, so there was a few years there, but then the real world started creeping in. I’ve changed a lot since I started dating her and she’s changed too.
5. I dated a girl name Odetta, I was in love with her but she became famous and never talked to me again.
I saw her in California and I was hitting her up on Facebook. She did this movie and now she’s super famous. She kinda liked me when she wasn’t famous, then she didn’t like me when she was famous. Now she’s super famous and rich. And, she doesn’t speak to me.