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Beach Grit

Exclusive: Monster Buys Pro Surfing for $2.5 Million!

Chas Smith

by Chas Smith

And now the ASP wants to erase Red Bull from the game!

Jordy narrowly escaped his $50,000 fine for wearing a Red Bull cap up to the Hurley Pro podium, thanks to some very fine print, but an even bigger story brews behind the saltwater curtain!

The ASP does indeed have a deal with Monster at a rumoured $2,500,000 per year. Yes, The Claw is the “official energy drink” of professional surfing and so surfers who have Red Bull or Rockstar or Nos or Full Throttle branding must remove headgear before stepping up to the victor’s stage.

Pre-2013 it was anyone’s game. The brands owned the media rights and could do as they saw fit. Now ZoSea owns, and sells, all rights and the Monster-backed ASP is actively goading Red Bull. My source, an Austrian insider, says the Red Bull staff photographer, for example, has been banished from the competitors’ area. He is not allowed into the VIP or media zones either and is lucky if he can snap his pictures from the publicly owned sand. Once he has his far, far-away portraits, he must remove any ASP logo or branding or get sued. This is a tall order when Sally F., Carissa M., Mick F., Julian W., Jordy S., Kolohe A., Michel B. etc. etc. etc. each have wiiiiiiings.

Monster, through hired guns at the ASP, are trying to erase Red Bull, the same Red Bull that jumped a man out of space (in the goofiest stunt ever), from the ocean! For a mere $2,500,000!

Oh but don’t despair! There’s a new player! An inside player! As I write these very words a box of Kelly Slater’s new drink Purps waits downstairs! He launched it recently alongside RVCA founder PM Tenore and Dr. Schaumburg and it is supposed to contain so health! Such promise! I am going to take it to a scientist tomorrow for analysis and hope beyond hope that it isn’t filled with kerosene and hell. I hope, beyond hope, that our hero, Kelly Slater slays the Energy beast, once and for all, and saves our children from diabetes forever.

(P.S. if any energy drink would like to advertise on BeachGrit please contact our man on the ground Graham Stapleberg at [email protected])