I like to pump, you like to pump, Dusty likes to pump.
Let's sing it to the world! | Photo: ASP/Cestari
Candid: “I just love to pump!” says Dusty
Payne
By Derek Rielly
Newly anointed World Surf League surfer Dusty Payne
and the joys (supermodels) and not-joys of sex (ass)…
It’s a Christmas miracle. A Hanukkah gift!
The red-headed surfer from Maui whose Lost Atlas Mexico
section influenced every surfer from Dane Reynolds and beyond has
qualified for the WSL. Dusty won the Reef Pro (Haleiwa)
and finished second at Sunset (Vans World Cup) and rocketed form
24th to number 10.
Who knows what he’ll do at Pipe! Maybe a world-title spoiler!
Either way, he’s a sure thing for the Triple Crown.
Dusty, who is 25 now but will turn 26 just two days after
Christmas, embodies enthusiasm. It’s in his surfing, it’s in the
way he shoos away writers, it’s in the way he administers and
operates his sex organs.
Let’s talk!
The little virgin boy
I was 17 years old and still in high school. The chick was
older, 31 actually, just this old badger cruising around home. I
lasted about a second. It went down in this car park at this spot
we all used to hang at. I thought she was pretty damn hot. But I
was 17 and she was my first chick.
Potential lovers
Can I say this? I’m more into intelligent chicks. I can’t deal
with stupid chicks. If they’re super dumb it’s a major turn off. I
like people with a good head on their shoulders. Everyone likes a
good body. With a head like mine, I can’t be picky but given the
choice between a curvy Latino and the model, I’d take the
model.
Dating
I swear, I’ve never been on a proper serious date. I don’t know
what to do.
Older women
Older chicks are cool. Young chicks can be so immature
sometimes. Older chicks are straight to business.
Partners (how many)
I dunno. (More than 10?) I hope so. (More than 20?) I hope
so. (More than 30?) I dunno, I haven’t kept count. It’s a good
thing if you don’t keep count because then you’ll be disgusted in
yourself.
Most erotic dream
I haven’t had one since I was young. I have the funniest story
though. I was in the Mentawais with Granger (Larsen), (Mitch)
Coleborn, Michel Bourez and Tanner Gudauskus or someone. There were
three beds. Mitch was on one side, Granger in the middle and Michel
on the other. Granger wakes up in the morning all rattled and I’m,
like, “Fuck dude, what happened?”
He says, “Fuck. I had two wet dreams last night.” How do you
have two wet dreams when you’re sleeping between two guys?
Sexual fantasy
Having a supermodel after me. Just some rig walking up to me and
being, “Yeah, come and talk to me.” I dream about it but it never
happens.
Frank talk
Not really into it because I think the phone is tapped or there
might be another chick on the line. In the flesh, it just sounds
ridiculous and cheesy.
Signature
I just love to pump. Enthusiasm and energy in the sack is my
trademark.
How does casual sex differ to relationship
sex?
I’ve never had a relationship, so I don’t know.
Fake titties
They look good. I’m a fan, but real is better.
Sex toys
I don’t have any and I’ve never used one. No chick has ever
pulled one out. If a chick did, I’d be kinda rattled, like, “I’m
not good enough?”
Do you enjoy sex games that include asphyxiation and
sadism?
I’ve had chicks screaming and scratching my back. Nothing too
wild. I wasn’t into it. It hurt.
Contraception? Bring your own or the pill?
Always. Keep it safe, kids.
Anal
I’ve never been there. Why would god put a sewer so close to a
playground? I’m definitely curious but I’ve never tried.
Bald or hirsute
Shave it up. Who wants to deal with a jungle?
Best time for sex
Whenever. It’s always a good time. Maybe not before a heat
because you’ll get noodle legs. You’ll be too relaxed.
Threesomes
Never… Maybe if it was my best friend. Put into print that I
would only do it if it was with Granger (Larsen).
Loading comments...
Load Comments
0
"Well what happened to having FUN?" writes Chas Smith.
"What is so wrong about a letting the good times roll? About
getting up on stage and just...just...given' 'er hell? It seems
like Dion is doing just fine sans Xanax but everyone else
(especially at Australia's Surfing Life) should take at least two
and calm down."
Candid: Piety is the death of surfing!
By Chas Smith
What happened to having FUN? About getting up on
stage and just...just...given' 'er hell?
Piety is the death of surfing. If I’ve said it
once, I’ve said it one thousand times and this damned conservatism,
this cursed pharisaical golem has reared its ugly head once again,
today staring mealy eyes and wagging a crooked judgmental finger
toward Dion Agius and the rest of the Globe crew.
“Xanax?” it gasps, completely horrified. “Fuck the WSL?” it
shrieks, less horrified but more rudely dismissive.
Well what happened to having FUN? What is so wrong about a
letting the good times roll? About getting up on stage and
just…just…given’ ‘er hell? It seems like Dion is doing just fine
sans Xanax but everyone else (especially at Australia’s Surfing Life.
Click here to read.) should take at least two and calm
down.
And now let’s speak to Noa Deane’s exuberance. There the
cherubic Australian stood, gazing out at a roomful of industry
types. What is the first thing that springs to his mind? Fuck the
WSL! He don’t like it. And the Hawaiian locals, numbers paired from
16 down to two don’t like it either. He shouted for them. He
shouted for their children and their children’s children and I hope
to see him in Da Hui soon.
There should be no gripes from any of surfing’s disparate
corners. No tsk-tsking at all.
And if you have a gripe? Email Graham Stapelberg’s bodyguard at
[email protected]. It
is a bit harder getting to G these days but with enough persistence
and enough moral outrage I’m certain you’ll find a way.
Loading comments...
Load Comments
0
"To this day, this is the best I've ever seen my local
break," says Raymon Collins. "Dylan paddled into this wave, somehow
made the drop and just sat in this thing until it compressed and
outran him by closing out the channel. Any other tube rider would
have buckled straightaway. It's hard to gauge the size of this wave
with a fisheye lens, but it was big. I remember as the set showed
itself, I was scared, and wasn't sure whether to swim in or swim
out." | Photo: Raymon Collins
Sensational: Coal Miner Makes Surf Book of
Year!
By Derek Rielly
With foreword by Kelly Slater!
The Australian photographer Raymon “Ray” Collins has
just jammed his coal miner’s redundancy package into what
do you want to call it, a coffee table book?
Or is it better than something to decorate a piece of
unessential furniture?
The book is Found at Sea, designed/edited by
White Horses creator Graeme Murdoch, and it’s more than
just a bathtub of pretty, but somewhat oblique, pictures to soak
your eyes in. Water photography is a game that ain’t for the
faint-hearted and Raymon, a half-Russian and bodyboarder-surfer
with a handful of North Shore seasons under his 34-inch belt (all
muscle!), has married the bravado of shooting from the drink with
an artist’s eye. What’s not to love!
BeachGrit recorded an interview with 32-year-old, six-feet
tall, 94 kilo Raymon (big!) a week into summer (not Raymon’s
favourite season) and in between swells (not Raymon’s favourite
oceanic conditions). His story is as compelling as the book.
First, he’s radically colour blind. He gets by on the road
’cause he knows the traffic light at the bottom means go (and is
brighter) and the top one (which is dark to his eyes) means jam on
the skids. If he puts a red tee into the grass during golf he can’t
see it. He has no comprehension of red. How can he know if he’s
never seen it?
“It’s weird editing photos in Photoshop. I play around until
it looks… rich.”
The little Raymon went to 14 different primary schools before
the family settled into living at Sandon Point, a quality
right-hander an hour-and-a-bit south of Sydney.
In his final year of high school, Raymon surfed during 1999’s
famous floods, in the murkiest, dirtiest water, and developed
meningitis, an inflammation of the protective membranes around the
spine and brain. Spinal taps and invasive treatment followed. For
two weeks he was knocking on heaven’s door but his faint tap was
not enough for God to welcome Raymon into his loving arms.
Actually, he was close to dying for a little less than that.
“I milked it a bit. Who was going to argue!” he says
now.
These street smarts got him out of his final year exams and,
soon, he was working as a labourer at the area’s coal mines.
Fourteen hundred dollars in his account every week. Good money,
you’d think, but “It’s like working in an office where the roof is
going to fall in and the walls are going to explode,” he
says.
Raymon has seen hands get crushed, legs broken. “But it’s not
like the old days where heaps of the older guys had seen their
mates die.”
Raymon came into photography when he snapped his knee
underground. Bored, he bought a cheap camera, read the manual, and
just… started shooting. He became good, fast. And with advice
from veterans like Daniel Russo, Nate Smith and Bill Morris, he was
soon in the biz.
And then Surfing magazine’s photo editor Peter Taras
helped shape him into what he is today, one of the game’s most
interesting shooters. Raymon would send jpegs and Pete would say,
hey, maybe do this, do that, how about you try this?
“He is a massive part of what I do now. He encouraged me to
keep chasing my style. He wrote to me the other day and said that
he didn’t think that in 2014 someone could stand out with a unique
angle and that I’d done it.”
What else intrigues? Let’s ask.
BeachGrit: What do you think about
yourself?
I’m average ocean-going Australian with a penchant for coffee.
I’ll drink instant, percolated, fucking whatever, and I take
between two and five a day. Triple shots. I stopped drinking two
years ago because I found it was taking away some of those arvos
and some of those mornings… fuck… everything has
taken off since then. I’m going to continue with a clean
mind… clear head…
What’s your favourite season?
Winter. I love those really moody dark and cold day and wild
windy oceans. My whole family is from Russia. My mum was born a
couple of days after they landed from Russia on the boat
otherwise she’d be a Russian citizen and I’d be the first
Australian in the family.
Tell me about you father…
He took his life when I was six years old. It was a strange
feeling as a kid. What do you do? You’re just learning your
fundamentals and one of your main ones is pulled from you. But I’ve
always had positive male role models.
Do you think your mother made a conscious effort to
make that happen?
Yeah, I do. I don’t think it was a coincidence…
What’s your favourite time of
day?
Ten minutes before sunrise. That light. Light is more
important to me than good waves. You can make good photos without
good waves and that glow before the sun comes up is the best part.
I would say afternoon, but we get cut short here with a mountain
range behind us and that sucks… My wife’s from California. I
love the light over there.
What are your bad qualities?
I can be selfish. You have to be selfish if you want to
dedicate so much time to something. We’ve put off having kids due
to selfishness, to the desire to see the world more. I can be lazy
too. I get comfortable and stay in the familiarity of things. But
these are general human traits. And it never lasts for long. I
always snap out of it or someone helps snap me out of it.
What’s the nicest thing someone has said about your
photos?
Someone told me they cried from looking at my photos.
How many text messages and emails did it take for
Kelly to light up and write your foreword?
I emailed him and asked if he would write the intro and I woke
up the next morning and the whole thing was written out. It woke me
up at three in the morning. I couldn’t believe what Kelly Slater
was saying about me. I woke my wife up and read it to her.
You and Kelly shoot together. Are you ever
starstruck?
When I see his number on my phone I have to breathe in and
breathe out and clear my throat. I get so scared but I try to act
super normal.
Why do you think Kelly likes you?
I don’t know if he likes me. We both like good uncrowded
waves. Maybe I’m just a decent non-threatening human being and I
treat him the same way.
Have you tried Purps? It’s incredible. It gives you
such pizzazz! Maybe he’ll send you some!
I’ve eaten the occasisonal chia pod but I haven’t had
Purps.
You must! BeachGrit is having it chemically analysed
because it must contain something absolutely
magical!
Oh yeah! That’s fucking gold.
How do you identify yourself to
non-surfers?
I’m at a crossroads. I shoot photos of the ocean whether
people are there or not… what does that make me? Am I a
surfing photographer?
Found at Sea is 184 pages and costs $69.
Click here to buy it. It’s a real limited run
too. A quarter have gone already.
Loading comments...
Load Comments
0
Surfer Poll: John John best surfer; Kelly
best air!
By Derek Rielly
And the world officially tips on its axis…
The Surfer Poll. It ain’t the greatest show on
earth. But it’s all we got. And who does good awards shows anyway?
MTV? The Oscars? The format is always going to be stiff unless
there’s some kinda soft and smooth waitress with honey pouring from
her pores and long silky hair discreetly handing out bags of
whatevs.
And last night on the North-ish Shore (the Turtle Bay is a
little outta the action) the earth was tipped on its access when
John John, 22, won most popular surfer (as voted by the most
popular surf magazine in the world) prising Kelly’s fingers off the
trophy for the first time in a decade (Kelly has won it 19 times
since 1993) and Kelly, 42, won best manoeuvre.
What is this, the Twilight Zone?
“Kelly’s won this 22 times. It’s as old as I am,” said John.
“I’m actually super-stoked that John got this. It’s actually the
happiest I’ve ever been at second place,” Kelly said, convincing
only the very drunk.
Slater added, “I’d like to thank my sponsor, except I don’t have
any… (But) I’m doing OK.”
Noa Deane is a 20-year-old boy from Coolangatta on Australia’s
Gold Coast. He won the night’s hippest award, The AI
Breakthrough Performer, delivered by Andy’s wife Lyndie and little
boy Ax.
Naturally, Stephanie Gilmore, the six-timer, won the gals.
“There’s always more to do, there’s always more to improve upon,”
she said.
Globe and filmmaker Joe G won best film with Strange
Rumblings in Shangri-La. The Globe team, including Brendon
Gibbens, Noa Deane, Dion Agius, Damo Hobgood and Creed
McTaggart, accepted the award.
Dion Agius, in a white singlet, beanie and Epokhe glass, said,
“Last time I was here I was on Xanax and I was so out of my mind I
couldn’t talk.”
“Fuck the WSL,” said Noa Deane.
“Oh you mother…fucker!” said Dion.
“No, no, we like the WSL,” said Joe G, panicked.
Surfer Poll host Gerry Lopez was wonderfully sublime,
demonstrating you don’t have to be barbaric, shriek or
gesticulate to front an awards show. He finished with a quote
from the Dalai Lama.
“I wanted to end this evening with a little, not my wisdom,
but the wisdom of someone I greatly respect, his holiness the
14th Dalai Lama. When asked what surprised him most about mankind
he answered…
“Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make
money.
Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health.
And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy
the present;
the result being that he does not live in the present or the
future;
he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never
really lived.”
Full results below…
SURFER Poll Men’s Top 10
1. John John Florence
2. Kelly Slater
3. Gabriel Medina
4. Mick Fanning
5. Jordy Smith
6. Dane Reynolds
7. Joel Parkinson
8. Julian Wilson
9. Kolohe Andino
10. Taj Burrow
SURFER Poll Women’s Top 5
1. Stephanie Gilmore
2. Sally Fitzgibbons
3. Carissa Moore
4. Coco Ho
5. Alana Blanchard
A.I. Breakthrough Performer
Noa Deane
Best Barrel
Koa Smith, Skeleton Bay
Worst Wipeout
Myron Porter, The Right
Heavy Water
Grant “Twiggy” Baker
Best Documentary
Thundercloud, directed by Talon Clemow
Best Short Cheese II, directed by Noa Deane and Shane Fletcher
Best Performance
Albee Layer in Attractive Distractions
Movie of the Year Strange Rumblings in Shangri La, directed by Joe G
Loading comments...
Load Comments
0
This is Chip Wilson, arranged in the same manner as
Nick Nolte's famous mugshot from 2002. Nolte was arrested for
driving liquored. Chip says, "Be careful on the roads." | Photo:
Justin Jay (justinjay.com)
Candid: Chip Wilson on bullies, his lisp,
hucks…
By Derek Rielly
He's just the world's hottest jibber! What else is
there?
In a little Australian town overcrowded with late summer
visitors (Cabarita!) we chance upon Mr Chris Wilson, just
the world’s best huckster. Ain’t that good enough reason to gallop
alongside and find out what life’s like when you’re paid to spin?
Is it as beautifully romantic and as heroically sublime as it
seems? BeachGrit has held Chris, nicknamed Chippa
after the1960s TV show My Three Sons (kid in the show was
cute as a button Chip Douglas), real close to our hearts ever since
he stole 2009’s Little Weeds crown (an online search for
new talent) by the stupidest of of margins.
When his sponsor master Analog changed direction a couple of
years back and he was cast upon the shittiest of bear markets
we foresaw black and heavy clouds, the oncoming crash of a
catastrophe. Because Chris ain’t just your regular surf cat. He’s a
little quiet, kinda shy in a lot of company, but smart, a thinker,
a creator, and that don’t fit the structure of most brands that
requires extroverts, hucksters in the 19th century sense.
He ain’t a drinker either.
“I just get super hangover. I’m like allergic to the shit,” he
says. “And I can’t afford to be feeling like shit.”
Chip explains that if he’s out it’ll be the low-cal
vodka-and-soda that”ll be in his paw. Beer, he says, is what makes
him “get real cloudy.” (And honey we ain’t even going to mention
the surcharge beer adds on your hips!)
But real talk, let’s get real. Tell me Chip…
BeachGrit: What do you do for
kicks?
Chip: I’ve been working on a new motorbike at home, an old 1977
Kawasaki 100 road bike. It’s black and green with army green tank
and fenders. It’s a good little bike, super rare. My friend at
Byron at Thrills, Ryan, he Instagrammed a photo of it and I jumped
on it. Hustled it down a bit and got it. I’ve also got this project
in Cali where I’m chasing a 400 Honda and a big Ford van, somewhere
you can toss your moto in the back and just cruise. That’s the
dream.
Motos are great for kicks. And they kick
back.
It’s addicting! I’m getting my license this weekend. I’ve been
riding but I don’t wanna lose my license before I get it. And,
yeah, it’s dangerous and you can kill yourself. That’s a setback.
I’m going to be dressing to crash, f’sure.
What do you love and what do you hate about where you
live?
Everything is so… easy. Just so green. It ain’t too
overbuilt yet. I’ve lived there since I was one so it’s home. What
do I hate? I hate it when there’s no surf and the surf’s shitty.
But, pumping today, and yesterday, so all good in the hood.
Tell me all about your frontside 540, your new
trick…
My goal is to nail it by the end of the year.
Is it an air reverse kinda flat spin or an alley oop
spin?
Air reverse flat spin. It’s not inverted so it looks more
crazy.
From there it’s only one more tweak to a 720, two full
revs…
A 720 is gnarly, a 540 is weird enough. That last 180 is fucking
trippy. You’re doing a 180 when you shouldn’t. Although the more
you practise the more normal it becomes. Every time I’ve gotten
close it’s been a pretty big wave, with a lot of speed, and a good
wind. You need power and push to buck…
Were you bullied as a kid or did you
bully?
When I was super young, like at primary school, I had a strong
lisp and I got bullied. But then, thats what kids do. They’d copy
what I was saying and tease me. Same old shit. Poor little Chippa,
eh?
He’s doing alright now.
Ha! I ended up fixing the lisp myself.
Did you ever bully?
No way. I wasn’t into that. But, yeah, all kids do it to a
certain extent.
What’s the meanest thing you’ve done to
somebody?
Shaved eyebrows when the boys have been passed out. Dumb shit.
But nothing real mean. I kinda sound like a pussy. I’ve been in a
fight or two. Maybe a punch in the head is the meanest thing I’ve
done.
How does a situation in your life escalate to
conflict?
I only fight when I really have to, me getting punched in the
head or sticking up for myself. I’ve only really been in two fights
and the last one I blacked out, full of rage, and won. I was in
Bali and some dude smashed his beer into my fish bowl drink. I got
up and punched on. I remember I was on top of him on the ground.
All the bouncers came and I got up walked out of there.
Do girls ever send you explicit letters with
accompanying photos?
I feel like you’ve gotta be in the game to get that stuff from
crazy creeps. I’ve got a gal so I deleted my Facebook.
How about our new pal Snapchat?
…that why I haven’t got it. That’s where It’s going to
happen.
What about those tattoo gals? You’re a pinup for self
art.
My friend Ben Grillo, he’s a real good tattoo artist from
California, he made a few tattoos on my knuckles and he put the
portraits on Instagram and he tagged me on the photos. I had 20
completely tattooed gals hitting me up, liking all my photos.
Super weird.
What do you think about yourself?
Mellow. Tatted up. Shy. Put me on a stage with am microphone and
I’d choke up and walk off.
Do you care what people think of you?
Everyone does. If they have a strong opinion, it’d be good if
they told you. If they got it wrong, I do kinda care.
What is your favourite season?
Autumn in Australia. I like cold nights and cold mornings. I dig
winter too so from here until a little after August. Nice offshore
winds in the morning, full suits, coffee, it’s insane. I can’t
stand summer here. It’s way too hot. In winter you can always find
a place to get warm. In summer you’re completely fucked.
Are you comfortable talking to
strangers?
Yeah! It’s interesting!
If you don’t like a person, how do you handle
it?
I try not be near ’em. I stay clear and I don’t get
involved.
What do you snack on?
I always eat bags of chips. Funny, huh?
What’s been your most memorable experience
ever?
Getting my first house and moving out of home. I went thirds
with my older brother and a good mate and we all moved in together.
I always had so much respect for my mum and dad’s house and it was
always in the back of my head if I brought people back. In our
house, it was a free for all. You come home and you can make a
mess, have fun, party, drink all night and turn the music up
loud. always in the bad of himy head, bringing people back,
one house, free for all.
What do you do when you feel sad or
depressed?
Lately, it’s been the crazy fucked up shit going on in the
world. That’s sad and that’s depressing. I was in America when that
Boston stuff happened. And on the way over on the plane there was a
lady sitting in front of me with a Boston Marathon t-shirt and a
tiny little kid. She was flying over to do it. As soon as I saw the
news, I thought about her and that little kid. That type of weird
shit gets me sad.
What’s your favourite time of the
day?
Morning. I like to see what it brings. Some days I get up and I
have no motivation to do anything. But some days are good and you
get up and surf and you’re super productive.
What’s your bad quality?
I get lazy on the internet and having to write back to people.
If I don’t do it when I have to, It’s going to take a while.
If there is one thing you’d die for, what is
it?
I’d die for a coffee right now. I’m sitting across form Gloria
Jeans and it smells that good.
Who has had the most influence in your
life?
I’m always looking up to people who are ahead of me. I’ve always
looked up to Craig Anderson. I could see how good he was. He was
king and he’s still killing it. It’s insane. My old man’s been
good. He’s a carpenter and he’s still working so goddamned
hard.
It could’ve been Chip the chippy who like to eat
chips.
That’s where I was going. If I had a hammer in my hand, I’d be
thinking about surfing and hitting my thumb. I didn’t allow myself
to get good at it.
What do you think about when you’re alone in your
car?
Lately, been thinking about little projects I want to do, the
moto, the van, surf trips, everything really…
Do you solve many problems in the car
No, but I make a few phone calls which can solve things.
On a scale of one to 10, rate me as an
interviewer…
I’m going to toss you a nine. You actually talk back and not
talk like you’re reading off a teleprompter. I get some where it
feels like I’m talking to a computer.
