I enjoy white heterosexual male privilege and if you are reading this, then it is likely that you do too.
Let me guess. You grew up relatively well off, were told you could do anything, got a good education and most likely, got a decent paying job. You might have endured some casual bullying, but no one picked on you because of your race, gender or sexuality.
Similarly, when interviewed for your job, you were probably deemed more competent and reliable candidate because you don’t have a vagina and dark skin. Statistics say that you are probably paid more thanks to this fact. The system is made for you by you, but you fail to realise it, because you have blindly gorge yourself from the trough, nor have you been the one missing out on the good times. You think those dissenters are just screwballs. More so, since you are reading this, you are likely to be a surfer. Therefore, you enjoy white heterosexual male stand-up surfing privilege.
Surfing is a white man’s game. Yes, we had a Brazilian world champion last year, a couple of Hawaiians of indigenous stock, and who can forget Felipe Pomar who won the ISF World Championships in 1965? This leaves the rest, and these fellows are all your archetypical white males.
Yes, you will go to Hawaii and watch indigenous surfers rip. They are still likely to be less well off in life as you. Your slightly above average white kid in Australia or California is more likely than them to get sponsored based upon marketability (Eddie Rothman is right to a degree) and their white privilege.
Afterwards, they are less likely to do as well as their white counterparts. Go anywhere where there are indigenous people who have been colonised, and the results will be the same. Furthermore, if you are dark skinned, stand with a wider stance, and don’t speak English well (in short, you are Brazilian), then you are likely to be vilified with a religious fervour.
The absence of vaginas on the above white world champions means that they don’t have arm chair commentators belittling them for their well-developed upper bodies, or their appearance in a bikini and how unbelievably boring their surfing is. No one calls them lesbians just because they are audacious and assertive. They don’t have to live up to the impossible standard set by others, they set the standard. Collectively, we then pressure those who are not them to try live up to that standard while cutting them down in the process.
Grommet abuse you say? Of course, you were pissed on and thrown down hills while strapped into deck chairs. However, as you grew older and gained the respect of your fellow white heterosexual males, you became one of them, they accepted you until you were the one dishing out the abuse. No one called you dick dragger, cripple or goat boater and burned you for your existential sins. No, you sir, have lived the privileged life.
“So what of it?” You ask. “You are just a self-hating man who can’t surf.” You say.
No my friend, it is great. It means I can do almost anything in the line-up. It means that you, my fellow middle-class white heterosexual male stand-up surfer can do anything you wish to do too. You can paddle around the middle-aged woman on a mal and take the inside. You can drop-in on the gay Brazilian body boarder without anyone flinching. Just ogle that cute girl’s bikini clad arse as she paddles in front of you if you want. After all, it is her fault for wearing such clothing. That trans-gender surfer? Unless it is Westerly Windina (And I am not sure that even then it would matter), no one is likely to tut-tut you. That knee-boarder? Fuck him and his crippling disability, burn him and make him know that he is inferior to you and your virile manliness.
Do as you please my fellow middle-class white heterosexual male stand-up surfers for there are no bleeding heart liberals in the sea. The laws of land do not apply here so while you are at it, purge the seas of all traces of those despicable SUPs. Your domination is under siege, so make the most of it while you can.
Just do not, and I repeat, DO NOT drop-in on your fellow middle-class white heterosexual male stand-up surfer! Because that is against all decency and is not in the spirit of liberty and you will be sent to hell for such abominable behaviour. Just kidding! Prey on the weak and engage in a war of all against all, so that if Thomas Hobbes were still alive, he would make you the basis for the Leviathan, because that is the white male way.
