You've got the best waves in the world, it's 80 fucking degrees and you want to complain about haole boys and closeouts?
There’s a fundamental difference in outlook from those of us who grew up surfing in the North Pacific, and those even in places like Maine who surf. In order to learn to surf anywhere north of San Francisco you’re going to deal with shitty weather, rough and closeout breaks, and even getting into the lineup often requires forcing your way through six to ten separate breaks.
Hawaiians like to talk about how dangerous their waves are, how brutal the reefs are, and so forth. The reality of the situation, however, is that anyone who’s learned to surf in Oregon, Washington, British Columbia, Alaska, etc, has dealt with far more adversity in the pursuit of stoke than anything you will face in Hawaii. The one true difficulty that Hawaii has over somewhere like Oregon or Alaska is the rampant localism and the wicked crowded lineups. In exchange, however, you have the lifeguards, easy access to medical care and a distinct lack of Great Whites.
The most important aspect is that it’s easy to be a person who surfs somewhere like Southern California, Hawaii, Florida, etc, but in order to deal with all the bullshit it takes to surf the North Pacific you have to be a surfer.
No one else will put in the time, the effort, the physical toll, in order to catch a few shitty closeout waves by themselves, day after day. I’m obviously being biased here. I spent my youth in Alaska and my summers with my grandparents in San Diego so I had a rather unique exposure to the two different extremes of surf culture, if you will.
In Alaska just the logistics of getting to the part of the state where there are consistent breaks, mainly the southeastern part of the state, are challenging in and of themselves. In San Diego you’re within two hours of something like 250 individually named breaks. About the only place that’s difficult to get to are the breaks along the coastline that Camp Pendleton controls, and honestly it’s not that hard to get on the base, legally or otherwise.
The point of this article isn’t to pit people against each other, although the tone might lead you think otherwise, the point is to make people who are blessed to live somewhere like Hawaii, Orange County, or San Diego, realize how lucky they are and how much effort people elsewhere have to put in to catch waves that, for the most part, pale in comparison to what y’all find in your backyards.
Instead of focusing on all the stupid bullshit that we focus on, the assholes snaking waves, the kooks cracking boards or the standup paddleboards just fucking everything up, we need to focus on that thing that unites us all, the search for that endorphin rush that we all get from a decent wave, a good ride, and a woman to impress.
Give me stoke over the weak shit that is cocaine any day of the week.
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Ahh hell this ain’t that bad. Having to surf the northern Gulf of Mexico gives me a similar perspective: oil spills, shit waves, crowds of kooks with the slightest swell, and no respect to boot. Kudos to Michael for writing it. Bitchy crab got it right sometimes cheese is the truth- something to remember in this age of meta-sarcasm.
This is hilarious. if surfing in cold water was ‘hardcore’ it wouldn’t be crowded on a Thursday morning in February in Nova Scotia when the water is -0C and air temps -15C. The gear is amazing. If the waves are rideable people will surf them. You know what’s hardcore? People surfing in SoCal after heavy rains. That shit kills mother$uckers. Claiming that living/working/playing in cold places is hardcore is juvenile. Especially when most cold places have socialized healthcare, high standards of living, and eazy chicks.
As an interesting side note, this is Mr Kocher’s email that accompanied his story: “I wrote a really shitty article, just more as an exercise to see if I could string 500 words together anymore. I’m attaching it not because I expect you to publish it, because it’s awful, but just more for you to critique the tone, not the grammar or technical aspects. I mostly just want to know if you want me to be more cynical and sardonic, or lean more toward sincerity. Seriously, it’s awful. Don’t hate me.
Let me know.
Michael”
I liked where that was going, but you dropped the thread. You started out by outlining the clear distinction between those who haven’t found it easy to be a surfer, and those who it was almost predestined for. Ironically those who have struggled to get to the waves once or twice a week and had to endure shitty conditions and didn’t have others to instruct them are seen as kooks or not real surfers while some douchebags who became pro surfers would never have stuck with it if they had come from a frigid area. Focus more on this distinction – there is something in it!
This is some of the worst writing The Inertia has published yet.
…I did adore the penultimate paragraph, “Instead of focusing on all the stupid bullshit that we focus on, the assholes snaking waves, the kooks cracking boards or the standup paddleboards just fucking everything up, we need to focus on that thing that unites us all, the search for that endorphin rush that we all get from a decent wave, a good ride, and a woman to impress.” Sometimes the truth is cheesy!
Is it worse that you posted it or that I spent time reading it? Really, Derek. That was pap.
No, the worst part is that I spent time -writing- it. Trust me.
In that same time you could have cooked you loved ones a delicious meal, begun a home improvement project or engaged in an act of vigorous masturbation.
@disqus_n1gv3T99Ps:disqus – Or, even better, spent the time writing the first part of something that was actually worth reading 😉
That’s pretty mean. Really funny, but still mean.
The best part is that I don’t even disagree with you.