How Can I Miss The WSL if It Won’t Go Away?

Rory Parker prepares himself for the ecstasy of event number three on the WSL calendar.

Nearly two months after everyone noticed, the WSL has finally decided to go public about their newest big “partnership.”

Neulion is here! It’s the best in online streaming! You can watch in 4K! (and I mean you, not me. There’s no way my Kauai internet connection can handle that shit.)

With this latest announcement the WSL creeps ever closer to becoming that gal you know on Facebook who’s always posting about how much she loves her newest guy, even though everyone knows she was sucking off someone behind the dumpster out back of McDonalds only a few weeks ago.

Here’s a cool new term for you, “Semantic Satiation”. It’s when you hear something repeated so often it loses all meaning and becomes just a series of meaningless sounds.

And speaking of meaningless sounds:

“The mantra at the WSL has always been to bring the world’s best surfing to the largest possible audience with the very best experience,” said Paul Speaker, World Surf League CEO. “Neulion is a top-of-class partner and we’re thrilled to be bringing the unparalleled adventure, competitive drama and athleticism of professional surfing to the world with their help.”

The statement smacks of PR speak, and you’d think that someone would have thought twice about using the word “mantra.” The word refers only to repetition, in no way implying a basis in fact or intention. “Mission” would have sold better, if being further removed from actual truth.

Which segues nicely into…

Speaking of empty rhetoric, following the pointless hysteria surrounding Medina’s use of an expletive during the Snapper webcast I was surprised to see the total pass given to Jordy Smith after he delivered the ol’ double middle finger salute to the judges on his way in from his quarter-final heat against Fanning.

Do I care about the protruding digits of a South African with weird nips? Of course not. But Medina had to make a public apology and got hit with some sort of secret fine, a firm smack on the bottom delivered in the name of professionalism. Completely ignoring Smith’s transgression demonstrates an inconsistency that could wreak havoc in the coming season.

How much dissent is acceptable? I don’t expect a for profit pseudo sanctioning body to be either just or fair, but I don’t think it’s asking to much to expect some consistency.

Speaking of consistency…

If the swell forecasts for the Margaret River contest are to be believed it’s looking like the third time may be the charm for the WSL. After the first two events of the year fell flat on their stupid faces the WSL desperately needs Mother Nature to cooperate and deliver something that’ll entice the non surfing masses into logging in and vegging out.

Which means the ocean had better deliver some spectacular wipeouts and provide tons of opportunities for the talking heads to refer to the life threatening nature of the surf. Is a double-overhead wave really considered “big” anymore in the context of professional surfing? I’d argue not, but that doesn’t really matter.

What does matter is that the hype machine can play up the thrills and spills at The Box or if, rumours are to be believed, the contest moves on over to the freight-train righthanders and monster ramps of North Point.

Complicating the North Point move are regulations that forbid its use as a professional venue, but, if the Hawaiian leg is any indication, the WSL is more than capable of subverting local ordinances and receiving approval for actions for which exemptions are not typically provided.