Owen Wright perfect ten Cloudbreak
Lord smiling on you today, son! Owen Wright pats another ten-pointer on the ass.

Out: Reynolds, Slater, Day four, Fiji Pro!

Owen's perfect heat, Julian's ten-pointer and the dull thud of Dane and Kelly landing back on earth… 

The pro game is a tough play. One minute you’re sloshing around in the channel gazing at Strider’s steroidal tits, talking about your heat win, the next tears are bubbling in your eyes, hazing everything like a cotton film.

Dane Reynolds, out, to Taj Burrow in round five, but not without catching a couple of grey shacks.

And, Kelly Slater, to Italo Ferreira, for the second time this year, but this time at a wave he’s been throwing apart for 30 years. You could see the dry swallows squeezing down Kelly’s neck as he composed for his post-heat interview.

But, we got new heroes! Owen Wright surfed a perfect heat, the seventh in history. “I never thought I’d get 20 points in my life,” said Owen, his nostrils widening.

Watch here.

And here’s Kelly talking about it.

Julian Wilson went pretty nuts, too. He scored 19.43 in round four against Kelly and Taj.

And how about Joel? Remember him? Maybe 20th or something on the ratings this year. Watch him whale on this bomb. Ten!

Want some highlights?

WSL Perfect Heat Totals:

2015: Owen Wright (AUS) – Fiji Pro

2013: Joel Parkinson (AUS) – Oakley Pro Bali

2013: Kelly Slater (USA) – Volcom Fiji Pro

2011: Jeremy Flores (FRA) – Billabong Pro Tahiti

2008: Joel Parkinson (AUS) – Billabong Pipe Masters

2005: Kelly Slater (USA) – Billabong Pro Tahiti

1996: Shane Beschen (USA) – Billabong Pro Gold Coast*

* Best three waves.

Fiji Pro Remaining Round 3 Results:

Heat 7: Mick Fanning (AUS) 13.67 def. Alejo Muniz (BRA) 13.30

Heat 8: Joel Parkinson (AUS) def. Sebastian Zietz (HAW)

Heat 9: Owen Wright (AUS) def. Adrian Buchan (AUS)

Heat 10: Kai Otton (AUS) 14.97 def. Gabriel Medina (BRA) 13.77

Heat 11:Jeremy Flores (FRA) 10.60 def.  Bede Durbidge (AUS) 4.50

Heat 12: Adam Melling (AUS) 11.66 def. Filipe Toledo (BRA) 10.97

Fiji Pro Round 4 Results:

Heat 1: Julian Wilson (AUS) 19.43, Kelly Slater (USA) 14.34, Taj Burrow (AUS) 13.83

Heat 2: Wiggolly Dantas (BRA) 11.30, Dane Reynolds (USA) 10.77, Italo Ferreira (BRA) 10.67

Heat 3: Joel Parkinson (AUS) 18.93, Owen Wright (AUS) 17.26, Mick Fanning (AUS) 16.60

Heat 4: Jeremy Flores (FRA) 18.70, Kai Otton (AUS) 12.10, Adam Melling (AUS) 5.83

Fiji Pro Round 5 Results:

Heat 1: Italo Ferreira (BRA) 10.97 def. Kelly Slater (USA) 7.34

Heat 2: Taj Burrow (AUS) 15.24 def. Dane Reynolds (USA) 13.66

Heat 3: Owen Wright (AUS) 20.00 def. Adam Melling (AUS) 17.70

Heat 4: Kai Otton (AUS) 14.33 def. Mick Fanning (AUS) 11.33

Fiji Pro Quarterfinal Match-Ups:

QF 1: Julian Wilson (AUS) vs. Italo Ferreira (BRA)

QF 2:  Wiggolly Dantas (BRA) vs. Taj Burrow (AUS)

QF 3: Joel Parkinson (AUS) vs. Owen Wright (AUS)

QF 4: Jeremy Flores (FRA) vs. Kai Otton (AUS)



Revealed: Why Shane Dorian Hunts Pig!

So he can make Rory Parker's famous lychee-infused pulled pork!



Lychee season is in full swing on Kauai these days. Discarded husks and pits litter the streets of Kapaa, burn-out chronic wastes of air peddle bags of purloined fruit on the side of every road.

But, damn, are these things tasty.

Sweet, juicy, with just a tiny hint of tart. You can only stuff so many down your gullet before you get sick of them though, so when your tree starts dumping 100 pounds of the little red treats you need to find other ways to make them a meal.

My favorite thing to do with them is make pulled pork. You’d expect the lychee to dissolve and flavor the meat, what happens instead is the pork infuses the fruit, leaving you with hot sweet salty savory little pork nuggets, a perfect companion to a greasy pig feast.

Rory’s Hawaiexicasian pulled pork with swine infused lychee


4 lbs pork shoulder or butt

12 or more fresh lychee- pitted and halved

2 small sweet onions

5 garlic cloves

2 Tbsp alaea salt

1 Tbsp black pepper

1/2 tsp cumin

1 large Jalapeno

1 Tbsp chopped ginger

¼ cup rice vinegar

2 Tbsp honey

2 Tbsp spicy Chinese mustard powder (mix with a little water to form a paste.)

2 Tbsp brown sugar

3 Tbsp sesame oil

Halve and quarter onions, put on bottom of pot. Peel garlic, slice three cloves lengthwise. Using paring knife, stab pork and insert garlic, put on top of onions. Slather pork in mustard paste, then  cover pork with lychee. Don’t allow lychee to fall into bottom of cooker.

In one bowl, combine:

1 Tbsp Alaea salt (can substitute kosher salt)

1 Tbsp pepper

1/2 tsp cumin

1 Large jalapeño – sliced (more if you want it spicier)

2 cloves chopped garlic

1 Tbsp diced ginger

In another bowl combine:

¼ cup rice vinegar

3 Tbsp sesame oil

2 Tbsp honey

2 Tbsp brown sugar

Whisk ingredients of bowl #2 together, then pour over bowl #1 and stir together.

Pour over slowly over meat, taking care that the lychee stay don’t fall into bottom of cooker.

Then sprinkle with one more tablespoon of alaea salt

Cook for six hours on high

shark attack north carolina
A teenage girl lost part of her arm, while a boy has also been badly injured, in separate shark attacks in North Carolina.

Just in: Two Shark Attacks, Two Hours!

Two teenagers lose limbs in separate attacks, same beach… 

What are the odds? Two teens, bodyboarding, near Ocean Crest Pier in North Carolina, both attacked by a shark, or sharks, in less than two hours.

CNN reports, “A teenage girl lost her left arm and left leg in an attack around 4:15 p.m. EDT. Less than 90 minutes later, as responders were still tending to her, a teenage boy was then attacked.”

‘His arm was clean off,’ said witness Jason Hunter, who spoke with CNN affiliate WWAY.

“Both were airlifted to New Hanover Regional Medical Center in Wilmington. Their conditions were not immediately known. Mayor Betty Wallace told CNN that shark attacks are so rare in Oak Island – a southerly facing beach town on the state’s southern most coast –  that she couldn’t remember one ever occurring before today. ‘Common sense would tell you it’s the same shark,’ she said.

“Both attacks occurred at high tide in the vicinity of Ocean Crest Pier, a popular destination among beach goers. ‘At the pier this time of year I’m sure the beach was packed,’ said Wallace.

Sharks in NC, rare? This, from last year…

Kelly Slater Cloudbreak
Kelly Slater slew Fred Pattachia jnr almost charmingly, dumping bag after bag of quicklime on his opponent. Fred was dazed! | Photo: WSL/Steve Robbo

Holy fire! Reynolds, Slater, brutal, Day three, Fiji Pro!

Dreams do come true for ol' man Slater and voluptuous Dane Reynolds… 

It was a brilliant, wind-swept day under a sailboat sky in the Mamanuca Islands. And, yes, the headline is true!

Kelly Slater dumped quicklime on Fred Pattachia Jnr is round three with an almost perfect heat total and Dane Reynolds, whose golden muscles writhed like golden snakes in the water, sprinted through tube after tube and took world number one Adriano de Souza to the exit, also with a total almost perfect.

The look on Adriano’s face! It looked awful, all that strain and pressure. He squeezed his brow between his palms like he was treating a bad headache. His eyes bucked wide and he trembled to speak.

Here’s Dane, on just one wave.

And Kelly, a nine-nine…

Highlights? Yes!

Quote of the day: “I feel bad for Adriano… I didn’t earn my spot here, I was given it by whoever decides that, and so it’s a little bit funny. They (the top 34) dedicate their lives to it. But I’m here to defend, I don’t wanna say my reputation, but someone gave me the place here and I want to defend their decision. Without the rankings mattering to me, and it meaning so much to them, it’s heartbreaking. They’re trying to win world titles.”

Fiji Pro Round 2 Results:Heat 1: Adriano de Souza (BRA) 13.50 def. Inia Nakalevu (FJI) 6.87

Heat 2: Filipe Toledo (BRA) 10.70 def. Aca Ravulo (FJI) 8.86

Heat 3: Dane Reynolds (USA) 15.00 def. Josh Kerr (AUS) 14.10

Heat 4: Kelly Slater (USA) 18.70 def. Jay Davies (AUS) 9.47

Heat 5: Owen Wright (AUS) 10.10 def. Aritz Aranburu (ESP) 9.03

Heat 6: Julian Wilson (AUS) 12.93 def. C.J. Hobgood (USA) 10.67

Heat 7: Bede Durbidge (AUS) 15.67 def. Dusty Payne (HAW) 12.70

Heat 8: Joel Parkinson (AUS) 17.00 def. Glenn Hall (IRL) 8.87

Heat 9: Adam Melling (AUS) 17.60 def. Matt Wilkinson (AUS) 12.50

Heat 10: Fredrick Patacchia (HAW) 12.27 def. Miguel Pupo (BRA) 5.70

Heat 11: Jeremy Flores (AUS) 17.70 def. Ricardo Christie (NZL) 17.47

Heat 12: Kolohe Andino (USA) 16.70 def. Matt Banting (AUS) 12.30

Fiji Pro Round 3 Results:

Heat 1: Taj Burrow (AUS) 13.16 def. Keanu Asing (HAW) 6.36

Heat 2: Julian Wilson (AUS) 13.93 def. Kolohe Andino (USA) 13.34

Heat 3: Kelly Slater (USA) 18.57 def. Fredrick Patacchia Jr. (HAW) 10.17

Heat 4: Wiggolly Dantas (BRA) 15.36 def. Nat Young (USA) 13.94

Heat 5: Italo Ferreira (BRA) 12.93 def. Jadson Andre (BRA) 11.80

Heat 6: Dane Reynolds (USA) 18.34 def. Adriano de Souza (BRA) 13.64

Upcoming Fiji Pro Round 3 Match-Ups:

Heat 7: Mick Fanning (AUS) vs. Alejo Muniz (BRA)

Heat 8: Joel Parkinson (AUS) vs. Sebastian Zietz (HAW)

Heat 9: Owen Wright (AUS) vs. Adrian Buchan (AUS)

Heat 10: Gabriel Medina (BRA) vs. Kai Otton (AUS)

Heat 11: Bede Durbidge (AUS) vs. Jeremy Flores (FRA)

Heat 12: Filipe Toledo (BRA) vs. Adam Melling (AUS)



Dane Reynolds Kelly Slater
Wheel away the silk-lined caskets. Stifle that anguished wail. Rip up those obituaries. Dane, Kelly, they're back! | Photo: Morgan Maassen

Reynolds, Slater prowl for orgies, Day two, Fiji!

Obituaries written prematurely!

Who doesn’t love writing a sportsman’s obit? When are you going to retire? How y’gonna pull yourself out of that slump? Are you done?

Dane Reynolds, remember him? After Snapper, we were ready to put underwear on his corpse. Once a brute with bulgy thigh muscles who mesmerised; now a slow ol’ chump. Out of the game!

But today, round two, Fiji Pro. How deep we inhaled those buried to the hilt turns and the spice of his greatness. I was dizzy with a hot roaring in my head.

Watch here!

And Kelly, almost ready to hit the one-stars to requalify, swept past Jay Davies with a cold indifference. The beautiful bastard is back!

Watch here!

The rest of it? A highlight reel? Here!

And how about a lil taste of Andy Irons… don’t blubber… he’s immortal.

Fiji Pro Round 2 Results:

Heat 1: Adriano de Souza (BRA) 13.50 def. Inia Nakalevu (FJI) 6.87

Heat 2: Filipe Toledo (BRA) 10.70 def. Aca Ravulo (FJI) 8.86

Heat 3: Dane Reynolds (USA) 15.00 def. Josh Kerr (AUS) 14.10

Heat 4: Kelly Slater (USA) 18.70 def. Jay Davies (AUS) 9.47

Heat 5: Owen Wright (AUS) 10.10 def. Aritz Aranburu (ESP) 9.03

Upcoming Fiji Pro Round 2 Match-Ups:

Heat 6: Julian Wilson (AUS) vs. C.J. Hobgood (USA)

Heat 7: Bede Durbidge (AUS) vs. Dusty Payne (HAW)

Heat 8: Joel Parkinson (AUS) vs. Glenn Hall (IRL)

Heat 9: Matt Wilkinson (AUS) vs. Adam Melling (AUS)

Heat 10: Miguel Pupo (BRA) vs. Fredrick Patacchia (HAW)

Heat 11: Jeremy Flores (AUS) vs. Ricardo Christie (NZL)

Heat 12: Kolohe Andino (USA) vs. Matt Banting (AUS)