Terror threats darken the skies...
Huntington Beach, home to the Op Pro, the world’s biggest surfboard and Travis Ferre is also home (apparently) to “The Oldest Fourth of July Parade West of the Mississippi.” I did not know that but the Islamic State sure did!
Information has come to light that ISIS (Islamic State of Iraq and al-Sham) may have targeted Orange County’s crown jewel during the weekend celebration when a text from Huntington Beach’s fire chief to his son began circulating on social media.
“Hey Bud…” it began “…we received credible Intel that ISIS is targeting the HB Parade tomorrow; pass the world to your friends NOT to attend the parade! The Intel is they are going to kill mass people and then target the fire, police and military that respond. The FBI and military will be at the parade. Threat level is very high!
The Huntington Beach Police Department later responded and said the threats were not, in fact, credible but still warned people to be “vigilant as always.”
Hmmmmmmm I thought to myself. What if ISIS actually did show up to incite mass terror, though? What if they showed up a little bit early and went to Sharkeez to kill some time and split a Sizzlin Fajitas Combo and pitcher of Donkey Punch (an “energizing blend of vodka, Red Bull yellow energy drink (?), Peach Schnapps and splashes of cranberry and orange juices.”)? What if, slightly buzzed, they wandered over to Jack’s Surf Shop and bought two flat brimmed LRG black on black hats and Mick Fanning’s signature bottle opening sandal? What if, inspired, they went to Tribal Ink and got giant tattoos of their last names down their arms and/or backs?
What if, then, the sun started hurting their eyes while they were admiring each other’s work so they hurried in to Main St Eyewear and grabbed some Black Flys? What if they decided to go back outside and listen to House of Pain at full volume and then forgot why they were there in the first place?
What if this has happened hundreds of times before and Huntington Beach is really just a giant dormant ISIS nest?
Hmmmmmmm.
I stopped reading at “ISIS”. You should start using “DAESH”.
Well you have violent third world extremists who use their power to demean women and have no sense of style or fashion. Then you have ISIS.
Comment of the year.
…touché to you! Touché!
wow that photo you have for this story is just….gnarly.
If those fuckers did in fact take out Huntington I might be forced to support them out of principle.
In my mind I think of them coming in on those water jet packs armed with day-glo facepaint laced with ricin.