Never before has one figure been so sartorially
worshipped.
I went to my first surf party, last night, in a
very long time. It was a celebration of Dion Agius’s very sleek new
capsule collection at Globe and well attended. I had great
conversations with Dion, of course (he has grown into such a fine
young man), Joe G (who made a short film for the event. Joe is at
the very top of his game), Jason Weatherly (Benji’s older brother
and surf kingpin), Brendon Gibbens (wore white shirt, white jean
combo in a sea of black on black. He was the only one who did not
look like catering staff), Surfline‘s Editor-in-Chief
Marcus Sanders (so smart. So old-school journalism even though the
ship he captains plunges the depths of sexual depravity), Shea
Perkins (one of the cutest in all surf), Peter Jasienski (left
behind Hurley and the surf life for Adidas and the
@lookatthisrussian life) and the best of the bunch Queen Lili Speed
(serious Hawaiian royalty who has laaaand and is beyond
beautiful).
And it was while I was having a great conversation with Eric
Tomlinson (Globe’s surf marketing manager and maybe cuter than Shea
Perkins) that I saw Craig Anderson across the way.
“Excuse me…” I said to Eric. He did not say anything back
because I don’t think we were really having a great conversation. I
think he was looking at girls while standing near me.
And I scooted off to say hello to my friend Craig Anderson.
There he stood, a little pensively, gazing off into the near
distance. There his pale skinny denim hugged stork-like legs. There
his red stocking cap perched and there his hazelnut locks cascaded
over his shoulders.
I approached from the side and gave a hearty hello. Craig turned
around but it was not Craig. I did not know this until he opened
his mouth and uttered a very American “Huh?”
“Oh I’m sorry…” I said to this non-Craig and felt bad. But not
for long because I saw my friend Craig Anderson!
There he stood, shoulders hunched, slightly, back not straight.
There his big brown eyes passively took in the scene. There his
prepubescent mustache glistened in the pale light of a full
moon.
I approached from the front, raising my arm to give a hearty
hello. Craig flinched. He thought I was going to maybe hit him and
I laughed and asked, “Why did you flinch? Did you think I was going
to hit you?”
And out came another very American “Uh. No. Hahaha.”
This was not Craig either! And I spun around, dizzy. There were
so many Craig Anderson’s in the crowd. I saw him here, there, in
the corner, drinking moonshine, kicking at a pebble on the ground.
It was like that famous scene in Spartacus when everyone raises a
hand and says, “I am Spartacus!”
I left thinking, “That Craig Anderson sure does have a
stranglehold on surf style” and went to Carl’s Jr. to get a Western
Bacon Cheeseburger.
Welcome to Blake Vincent Kueny's world. It is
magnificent!
How gorgeous is the new trailer for surf film
View from a Blue Moon? It, of course of course, stars John
John Florence and a troupe of next level surfing talent but wow!
The art and direction star at first blush. That cinematography,
that music, that…..feeling. It is very otherworldly and all thanks
to auteur Blake Vincent Kueny.
I first met Blake at the offices of Surfing magazine.
He was bringing in his freshly-finished surf film DONE and I
yawned. Another surf film by a boy with three names. But then he
walked through the door and he was so…so…different. There was
something in the way he carried himself, some air of greatness
swirling. He was quiet, kind. And then he set up a small projector.
And then his surf film blew my mind. I loved every image. I loved
the way he tied them together. I loved how it was arty but never
lost focus, never screamed “LOOK AT MY ARTY!” Afterward we chatted
and I saw even more greatness in his eyes. And I knew, then and
there, as long as John John kept his cart hitched to Blake Vincent
Kueny’s bull, he’d be going grand places.
And I was right. Watch the trailer and watch again. Feel your
heart pound. And while your watching, and while your heart is
pounding, let’s call Blake!
Blake!
I’m sorry, who is this?
It is your best friend/brother-in-law Chas Smith! (we
are not brothers-in-law but I pretend!)
When you put it that way I feel rude.
So did it actually get released at the high point of the
blue moon, or whatever it’s called?
Yeah, John John released it at 3:42 am.
Is it a pain in the buns to work with all that fancy new
equipment or do you enjoy?
It is at first but the more we used it the easier it got. And
then it all ran really smoothly.
Does the tech angle inspire or do you prefer just
setting up the shots and making it look gorgeous?
I like it once you learn the tech. I don’t like learning
something new, related to the cameras etc. every single day but
once I learn I like. And once you learn it’s a pretty simple
rig.
So principle shooting is all done?
Yeah all. Releases this winter.
What are your inspirations?
Ooooh. You know, I have to say for this film it was just the
locations. So much of the film is location-based and I really tried
to capture the feeling you get when you are some place new. It is
cool for it to feel different…Sometimes films with a large budget
feel like films with a large budget. It changes it somehow and it
comes out a certain way….but I don’t think that happens here.
It certainly don’t. All I see is sexy.
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The wave, literally, runs at the same speed from start
to finish. There's a repetitiveness to that, but you could master
one certain trick. And it would be awesome for board testing as
well. Yeah, I think this is just the beginning.
Wave pool’s first ride: “Yeah, it’s a game
changer, but…”
It ain't perfect, but it's gonna be, says Jarrad
Howse of first commercial Wavegarden. Includes bonus fight!
I’ve ridden a few tanks. One in Malaysia, with
a ski, and it was crummy, another in the Canary Islands without the
bike and it was fabulous beyond measure. It was so good I could
hardly breathe, a real-life three-foot wave with heft. And we
surfed it at midnight, under a full moon. And then later we
blew our heads off with whatever we could find and wandered the
streets of Tenerife, laughing at the terrific numbers of people in
wheelchairs (come on, you would too! It’s crazy!) and the very ugly
men in soccer uniforms from England.
(Watch below for an interpretation of that event, although I’ve
been skilfully edited out.)
Anyway, the former CT surfer Jarrad Howe, 36 years old, and now
the part-time coach of Mick Fanning, went to Wavegarden’s first
commercial pool in Snowdonia, Wales, to scope it for a Red Bull
event there in September. He flew to Machester, grabbed a car, and
drove an hour-and-a-half through them rolling green hills and
stayed in the wee town of Conwy, home to King Arthur’s fabled
castle!
The Wavegarden is at the gateway to the Snowdonia national park
and next-door to a hydro-electricity site. Handy!
Although he only rode one wave, and on borrowed equipment cause
his own stuff got lost in transito, he spent a day watching Brits
Alan Stokes and Jayce Robinson ride it.
(See here)
I wanted to know, how does Jarrad, who’s been around the block
plenty of times, actually rate it? He’s got a small conflict of
interest, I suppose, as Sports Director of the Red Bull event, but
he does tend to play straight.
BeachGrit: How long ago was this clip slung
together?
Howse: I went straight to the pool after J-Bay. I was planning to
stay an extra day-and-a -half, but when the G-Dubs started trying
to end peoples lives, I got out of there.
BeachGrit: So what was your impression of the
tank?
Howse: I thought it was awesome. I surfed the original in the
Basque country and you couldn’t help but be completely excited and
in awe of a mechanical wave, at least when you first see one. That
in mind, the one in the Basque country gets boring. I’m too big for
it. If I was a grommet, 14 and under, I’d want to surf that wave
all day. It was pretty exciting to go to one that was double size.
They were actually reluctant to release the footage because the
wave was only at sixty-percent.
BeachGrit: It’s cute as hell, I’m sold etc, but it sure
needs an oncoming section or… something… to break up the 10 same
turns to the shore.
Howse: They’re doing it, they’re building a closeout air section.
They were only running the middle third of the wave. Right now,
it’s built for top-to-bottom surfing, hacks, and then the blow-tail
air reverse Dane, Jordy and Julian do. The end section will add an
extra twist.
BeachGrit: Is it a game changer?
Howse: I think it is. The wave, literally, runs at the same speed
from start to finish. There’s a repetitiveness to that, but you
could master one certain trick. And it would be awesome for board
testing as well. Yeah, I think this is just the beginning.
BeachGrit: Tell me about Filipe Toledo’s cuz showing
up…
Howse: There was a guy sleeping in his van who told the people from
Snowdonia that he was Filipe Toledo’s cousin. He’d drawn Rip Curl
stickers on this board, but got his way in. I saw him catch a
couple of waves and it looked like he was surfing switch-stance.
One of the instructors questioned whether he was really sponsored,
if he was really Filipe’s cousin, and the guy started swinging at
the instructor who was only half-way out of his wetty. Localism
already!
BeachGrit: Is it going to work?
Howse: It’s funny, when the boys used to go to that Scotland event,
you could randomly ask anyone, the Hawaiians, the Americans, the
Aussies, what their favourite event was, and even though it wasn’t
the best waves, and it was by far the coldest, the historic feel of
the area just had an… impact. It’ll attract your travelling
surfer in France, Portugal. Snowdonia will become a stopover, to
see it, and the novelty of riding it for a couple of days. There’s
a lot of ticks for Snowdonia, especially if the wave is 40 per cent
better than I saw it.
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Jordy is in his 27th year and any idea that he's going
to win a world title, or create a legacy beyond the current epoch,
you would think is fast fading. For a surfer who has the liberal
gift of body awareness (think: he's the only surfer on tour who can
jam two significant turns within half-a-metre of lip) his lower
third rating on tour would seem a grand failure, despite the injury
that kept him out of Fiji. | Photo: WSL
Today! The dull and maybe meaningless mid-tier!
Eleven through 17!
11. Jeremy Flores J-Bay Result: Injured WSL rating: 12 (-2) Key Question: Can this dormant animal be roused?
“No major brain damage!” Jeremy told me proudly
in June when he face-planted at a reef in Sumbawa, Indonesia. “A
fucken air,” he’d said. “All frothing to learn all these new tricks
and ended up landing head-first onto dry reef.”
Can you imagine?
Bleeding rapidly, blinded with his own blood, groaning, overcome
with pain and terror? Being rescued by Wiggolly Dantas and Jake
Paterson and helicoptered to hospital? And in this, a sort of
comeback season, after so many scandals, and for all his inability
to understand a crowd, when he again looked able to navigate a
heat?
La vie est cruel parfois (yes, French! Mais
bien-sur!). The way it strikes under your defences, the way it
rips the skin from your undersides. The way t gives you a couple of
kisses then clean forgets about you.
The general structure of Jeremy Flores’ surfing remains. I
believe he has the stomach for Teahupoo, and for Teahupoo when the
other children on tour are gasping and squealing, and enough
glimmer in his little-wave game for the beachbreak events.
Occasional gunshots amid the flutter of little wings.
12. Nat Young J-Bay Result: 9 WSL rating: 7 (steady) Key Question: Is he a dumpy little woman or a
supermodel?
Often, I’ll look at Nat Young and think, how can
someone that obvious in his technique, with those clumsy
telegraphed turns, with a smell so bad it wafts through the
webcast, make it among giants like John John and Kelly and Filipe
and Medina? So formal, so boring.
But then he’ll unload his cargo like ten thousand devils and
what are we to think then?
Is he a dumpy little woman with no redeeming features, as I
initially thought, or a supermodel or… perhaps likely… a
melange of both?
When Nat throws on his lipstick and rouge he makes me die to be
spooned with his sugar. Otherwise, I just find it queer as anything
and numbing.
13. Italo Ferreira J-Bay Result: 13 WSL rating: 9 (-1) Key Question: Is he really Brazilian?
I tend not to set my alarm to watch Italo’s heats in
different time zones. But those who know say the kindest
things about Italo’s surfing, at least in a partial degree, and
this is backed up by his rating in the top 10.
He lacks the dazzling skin of Wiggolly and Filipe and their
apparent weightlessness and, therefore, I conclude he is a
Brazilian on the Portuguese side of the ledger not the fabulous
African side.
Not that it reduces my physical admiration one iota, the
cow-like tenderness of his eyes, the captivating shyness.
14. Matt Wilkinson J-Bay Result: 13 WSL rating: 16 (-2) Key Question: Why the yellow teeth?
If I was a girl I don’t think I’d kiss Matt
Wilkinson. His teeth, that briny snout, a pork-like red of
the skin. The hair is striking granted, but there’s not much else
to give an uprush to the brain.
The feeling I have for Matt Wilkinson is as an admirer of his
ballet. I’m fascinated by it, so fascinated, I’ve grown very fond
of watching him surf.
He certainly did go down swinging his little fists at J-Bay,
16-ish points to Gabriel’s 19-and-a-bit. Afterwards, he sobbed
miserably, shoulders hunched up, but his friendless was not
diminished and nor was the imagination and intuitive nature of his
surfing.
Matt was beaten by the 2014 world champ, after all, and in
his best heat all year.
15. Josh Kerr J-Bay Result: 13 WSL rating: 9 (-1) Key Question: Can he tidy up the style a little, just to
make his hammers a little more cut and dried?
I’ve seen Josh Kerr nail the biggest airs I’ve ever
seen, he has the gift of flight after all, and, then, look
lost while out on the face. Just this morning on the WSL website, I
thought the homepage featured a photo of Josh at the US Open. But a
closer inspection revealed Billabong stickers – it was
Courtney Conlogue!
This is common thing. It is the hardest thing in the world to be
a little of everything, and not just one or the other, although
this is where John John Florence and Dane Reynolds excel.
This year Josh’s air game looks subjugated to turns and it
maddens me. I want the noise of the cannon, the clash of steel! I
want my brain inflamed!
Josh Kerr is fearless and skilled but he cannot allow himself to
be weakened by the colonialism of what he perceives as “criteria”.
I can’t exaggerate the effect this has on his career.
Yeah, be conscious of the danger, it is a tricky and
occasionally tiresome game, but don’t lose what you represent.
Just, why? Eight heat wins and the season is
halfway done. Examine the 2012 world champion’s heat average and
it’s a respectable 13.72, which means he’s average a couple of
sevens every time he paddles out, better than surfers rated far
above.
But such are the varying fortunes of surfing. The standard of
play is high. It is cosy and it’s congenial, a friendly mix of age
groups and nationalities. His survival on tour will depend on his
pooling his efforts and resources. Teahupoo, result, Trestles,
maybe not, France, possibly, Supertubes, possibly, Pipe, yes.
It’s interesting to compare Joel’s career and life to Mick’s.
One has three world title, possibly four come December, the other
has kids and a life that exists beyond professional surfing.
If he wants to milk the WSL teat for a few more years, Joel
needs less crooning and has to become more barbaric,
terrifying.
Joel needs to exude electricity instead of, what is now,
just a faint buzz.
17. Jordy Smith J-Bay Result: Last WSL rating: 22 (-4) Key Question: How can someone be so singularly repellant
and yet at the same time singularly magnetic?
What a number of angles there are to the question of
Jordy Smith! However, what interests me is passage of
time, how quickly it sweeps by us all. One minute we’re staring at
headlights in the distance and in the blink of an eye we’re
watching the taillights fade to black.
Jordy is in his 27th year and any idea that he’s going to win a
world title, or create a legacy beyond the current epoch, you would
think is fast fading. For a surfer who has the liberal gift of body
awareness (think: he’s the only surfer on tour who can jam two
significant turns within half-a-metre of lip) his lower third
rating on tour would seem a grand failure, despite the injury that
kept him out of Fiji.
But life isn’t so cut and dried as all this. The only way to
express the truth is to, calmly, assess an athlete’s assets and
make some kind of summation.
Well, here, he lives an exciting and modern life (with a bikini
model who seems to adore his reduced chin and heavy eyebrows) in
California and lives off a skilfully negotiated contracted worth
many millions.
I have poked gentle fun at the World Surf
League since its 2015 birth. I had poked gentle fun
at the ASP before that and Rip Curl’s Neil Ridgway got real mad at
me but it was so gentle! And so fun! And Neil, do you still have
that red beret? Let’s do a sort of naughty reenactment someday!
But back to the now, or more precisely, back to the 4 months
ago. WSL CEO Paul Speaker issued a press statement that said, “It
is the most exciting time in the history of the sport right now.” I
laughed and laughed and laughed and wrote (here) that he took (maybe) ecstasy.
In the weeks since Mick was tousled by a great white, though, I
have reflected on CEO Speaker’s words and, I’ll be damned if he
wasn’t right! The thrill of that shark biz is, of course, gone but
left in its wake is a general appreciation of what the WSL has
built. Fun webcasts. An announcing team that has become as familiar
as a soft blanket. National rivalries threatening to burn for
years. Sponsors with heft. A spot on an American network. And very
fine surfing.
So to you, CEO Speaker, I say, “I’m sorry.” And also, “If you
did have any ecstasy it’d be really fun to take and sit in
the channel at Teahupo’o together with a waterproof little sound
system playing anything by College.” And also, “Long live the
WSL!”
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Jon Pyzel and Matt Biolos by
@theneedforshutterspeed/Step Bros
