Laird Hamilton nude
"Give him food and sex regularly. These are the two biggest ways to show alpha males you care," says Laird's athletic wife Gabrielle.

Advice: “Give him sex and food regularly”

How does Gabrielle Reece keep her alpha Laird Hamilton happy? Guess!

How’s the saying go? Behind every great man…

Doubt for a second Laird Hamilton is a great man? Nope, me neither. Turns out Laird’s wife Gabby thinks so too, so much so she has four basic rules to keeping her “Alpha Male” happy.

Mrs Hamilton shared her “Controversial Secret to a Happy Marriage” with Lewis Howles on his “The School of Greatness” podcast.

“Even though some may find the following advice controversial, she had some smart things to say about how important it is to enable alpha males to stand in their power,” says Howles. “Gabby shared that by honouring her partner in this way, it allows him to support her as a strong powerful woman, which is a key to their successful marriage. She also pointed out that it hasn’t been smooth sailing all through the years.”

Amen to that. Oh honey…I’m home!

Gabrielle Reece’s Four Rules for Keeping Your Alpha Happy…

1) Respect his masculinity and give him space. Men know what they need to do when you give them the space to do it and allow them to step into their power.

2) Give him food and sex regularly. These are the two biggest ways to show alpha males you care.

3) Allow him space to be tender and honour you as a woman. Even very masculine men need to tap into balance by showing their softer side.

4) Don’t try to be his mother. An alpha male does not need that authority figure in his partner.

(Listen here)

(And in case you missed it, here’s the ESPN nude shoot)

Candid: I’m fat as hell, and it sucks!

Good god, I'm pathetic…

I could make excuses if I wanted. I just came off an absurd two-year run of injuries and illness.  Broken bones and ruined shoulders and life threatening infections requiring lengthy hospital stays don’t make it easy to stay fit.

But let’s be honest.

I could have eaten healthier, I didn’t need to chase those Percocets with a half-dozen beers. It’s all my own damn fault. Maybe partially my wife’s for loving me unconditionally.

But now I’m healthy again, or something resembling it, and I have a good forty pounds I’ve gotta shed before winter. I can fuck around in summer slop all day long, but if I want to blow the dust off that gorgeous pintail gun I picked up two years ago I need to be lean and mean.

Which means exercise everyday and lots of veggies and no more beer. The last is probably for the best, when a lady at the recycling center comments on how many empty Pacifico bottles you’ve got it may be time to take a break.

Lest you make the same mistakes I did, here’s the reality of being a fat surfer.

Your ribs hurt: I don’t mean the standard soreness you get after a really long session, every session feels like a mule kicked you in the rib cage.

Don’t give in and slather your pits in vaseline or whatever other gunk they sell fatties specifically for that reason. Embrace the agony. Let every burning stroke be a reminder, you look like shit, you surf like shit, and you deserve every ounce of pain.

Your arm-pits too! Arm-pit rash? That’s a thing? Good god, I’m pathetic.

Don’t give in and slather your pits in vaseline or whatever other gunk they sell fatties specifically for that reason. Embrace the agony. Let every burning stroke be a reminder, you look like shit, you surf like shit, and you deserve every ounce of pain.

Your boards don’t work anymore: All those stark white high-perf rip sticks piled in the corner are a recipe for struggle and pain and blown sections and self-loathing. No more blow-tails, no more airs, just bog and struggle and fucking suck. You’ll find yourself thinking, “Wow, longboarding is super fun, maybe I should add a few more to my quiver.”

Don’t do it! That way madness lies.

You look disgusting: You know that gorgeous piece of ass who’s always out at your local break?  The one who only surfs okay but rocks a thong and jams mind blowing duck dives? Wouldn’t it be nice to go chat her up, maybe lure her to your place for a few glasses of rotgut followed by an intense session of slap and tickle? Well, guess what? It ain’t happening.

Maybe you could’ve pulled it off, once upon a time, but the moment you catch a glimpse of your saggy hanging paunch in your driver’s side window reality’s gonna give you a kick in the nuts. You look like her dad, and no girl wants to bang her dad. Well, some do, but that’s a ball of crazy best avoided.

You’ll want to kill yourself when buying clothes: Want to end your day sitting in your car sobbing hysterically? Go ask the teenage wage slave at your local shop if they have any board shorts larger than a 38. The eye roll followed by “No” is a soul crusher.

All memory, no muscle: The best sessions are the ones when you aren’t thinking at all. Your mind goes blank, the body takes over, and you’re flowing effortlessly from bottom to top, fading perfectly into the pocket, nailing late drops like it ain’t no thing.

But when you’ve packed on a thick layer of blubber it don’t work like that no more. When you’re slightly inside and the wave of the day rolls straight at you and your mind says, “Just spin around and two stroke in, you got this,” you’re in for a ride.

Because it takes four strokes to get your fat ass over the ledge now, and you’re a split-second slower than you used to be. And now that guy, the one you used to sneer at when he blew a perfect barrel or bogged off the top and flailed over the falls, is YOU.

Another Basque Triumph: Electric Surfboards!

First Wavegarden, now another cure for flat-day bummers… 

The Basques are an industrious, smart and only occasionally violent people (Hello ETA!). Ten years ago, Wavegarden was formed and has since become a sort of hot-bed of Basque engineering talent from San Sebastian.

You ain’t got waves? Overrun with sharks? Wavegarden will put the world right.

And now, another Basque company, Onean, are about to release three electric surfboard models.

The UK Daily Mail describes the vehicles as thus:

“Its 440W motor and axial water pump allows it to slalom over the water’s surface at speed, so adrenaline junkies can perform tricks and make sharp turns. They can control the direction of the board by leaning and the power by pressing buttons on a handheld remote control. The board’s battery lasts around 20 minutes on a single charge if it is pushed to its limits.

“The firm says on its website: ‘With the Carver you will immerse yourself into a completely new and unbelievable sense of freedom. ‘Tides and wind conditions dependencies remain to the past, now you have nothing to depend on but yourself.’

“The rectangular-shaped Manta is designed for relaxed cruising and has a top speed of 5 mph (8km/h) with more than two hours use on a single charge.

“Its stable and buoyant ‘for those wanting to relax and enjoy the peacefulness of taking long tours or excursions at low speed,’ according to the company.

You like? Three-and-half-thousand Euros apiece ($US3800). Buy here. 

Sunset Surfer

Do it: The 12-Hour Surf!

Why you should milk the teats of a summer's day …

If you’re living in the northern hemi, you’re drinking in the final few weeks of summer. Soon, there’ll be no shredding before or after work, just a world of dark, and crowded weekends.

My advice? Punch out a few pre-dawn to post-dusk surfs before your part of the world starts to tilt away from the sun. Surf so much you have enough memories to drag you through winter.

Right now, north of the equator, it’s possible to surf from five-thirty am til eight pm. It ain’t easy but the rewards are magnified for reasons I’ll explain below.

1. You’ll own the lineup: First surfer out always has a proprietorship over the waves. Every single surfer who paddles out early will see you as the wave’s caretaker and will generally yield in those first few early hours. This is presuming of course that this is your regular surf spot.

2. Surf yourself into form: By surfing for over a dozen hours straight you’ll experience a sharpness in your surfing you’ve never felt before. Want to know why John John Florence and Dane Reynolds are the best two surfers in the world? They’re hippos. They boil in their tanks! They never get out!

3. Meet your surfboard: Catch a hundred-plus waves in a row, on the same day, and your surfboard will become as familiar as an old friend (or a terrible foe). Suddenly, you’ll feel your fins, the concave under the front foo

4. Experience thirst like a marooned sailor: There’ll come a point when it becomes absolutely necessary to beach a wave and suck on a tap. You hear about cats on life rafts, lost at sea, drinking seawater such is their madness. Water never tasted so fine. Better than ice-cold Coca Cola served from a dusty vending machine!

5. It’s profound: See a sun rise and watch it set on the same day and know that you’ve watched earth’s daily 360 at work.

6. The day belonged to you: You were the first in and the last out. The day belonged to you.

Satisfying? Yes and yes. 

Troubling: Scientology recruiting surf fans!

Group masquerading as anti-drug turns out to be L. Ron Hubbard disciples! Chaos ensues!

If you think that the Billabong Pro, Tahiti is the only show in town than you have another thing coming. The Vans Pro, in Virginia Beach, is on right now. Surfer Michael Dunphy wowed the home crowd last year with his small wave attack and slack-jawed “who me?” expression. Will he repeat or will Matt Passaquindici topple the king? Tune in!

Also, the Sooruz Lacanau Pro, at Grande Plage, Lacanau France is running. Next heat features Andy Criere, Enzo Cavallini, Edouard Delpero and Luis Diaz Urrejola. Which one is on your fantasy team?

Speaking of fantasy teams, Scientology is also at the Sooruz Lacanau Pro but secretly. The Local, France’s news in English reported today that, “…the event’s organizers thought that it would be the perfect place to spread information about the dangers of drugs. Accordingly, the anti-drug association ‘Non à la drogue, oui à la vie’ (No to drugs, yes to life) was granted permission to set up a stall at the event, where members would hand out notices to people about narcotics and get them to sign petitions.

However, two days into the competition, which runs from August 13th to 23rd, the organizers noticed that the stall was not all that it seemed. After being alerted to some of the conversations taking place at the stall, the organizers reportedly realized that the association was in fact financed by the Church of Scientology.

‘They were converting. We were fooled, misled,’ a spokesperson for the surfing competition was quoted as saying by Le Parisien.”

Scientology is considered a sect in France, thus not afforded the traditional liberte, egalite, fraternite, and the offending zealots were forcibly removed from the event. Who do you think they were after though? Do you think they wanted Nanook Ballerin to swing on over to the L. Ron side? Do you think they hoped for a true star like Michael Dunphy and his open-mouthed “huh?” appeal? I would have to think that Michael Dunphy would grow into the Tom Cruise of professional surfing in Scientology’s hands. An unstoppable juggernaut.

"Any of you babes wanna hook up to my e-meter? We could do some really fly auditing."
“Any of you babes wanna hook up to my e-meter? We could do some really fly auditing.” -Michael Dunphy