Back To Top
Beach Grit

Troubling: Scientology recruiting surf fans!

Chas Smith

by Chas Smith

Group masquerading as anti-drug turns out to be L. Ron Hubbard disciples! Chaos ensues!

If you think that the Billabong Pro, Tahiti is the only show in town than you have another thing coming. The Vans Pro, in Virginia Beach, is on right now. Surfer Michael Dunphy wowed the home crowd last year with his small wave attack and slack-jawed “who me?” expression. Will he repeat or will Matt Passaquindici topple the king? Tune in!

Also, the Sooruz Lacanau Pro, at Grande Plage, Lacanau France is running. Next heat features Andy Criere, Enzo Cavallini, Edouard Delpero and Luis Diaz Urrejola. Which one is on your fantasy team?

Speaking of fantasy teams, Scientology is also at the Sooruz Lacanau Pro but secretly. The Local, France’s news in English reported today that, “…the event’s organizers thought that it would be the perfect place to spread information about the dangers of drugs. Accordingly, the anti-drug association ‘Non à la drogue, oui à la vie’ (No to drugs, yes to life) was granted permission to set up a stall at the event, where members would hand out notices to people about narcotics and get them to sign petitions.

However, two days into the competition, which runs from August 13th to 23rd, the organizers noticed that the stall was not all that it seemed. After being alerted to some of the conversations taking place at the stall, the organizers reportedly realized that the association was in fact financed by the Church of Scientology.

‘They were converting. We were fooled, misled,’ a spokesperson for the surfing competition was quoted as saying by Le Parisien.”

Scientology is considered a sect in France, thus not afforded the traditional liberte, egalite, fraternite, and the offending zealots were forcibly removed from the event. Who do you think they were after though? Do you think they wanted Nanook Ballerin to swing on over to the L. Ron side? Do you think they hoped for a true star like Michael Dunphy and his open-mouthed “huh?” appeal? I would have to think that Michael Dunphy would grow into the Tom Cruise of professional surfing in Scientology’s hands. An unstoppable juggernaut.

"Any of you babes wanna hook up to my e-meter? We could do some really fly auditing."

“Any of you babes wanna hook up to my e-meter? We could do some really fly auditing.” -Michael Dunphy