Now the punters want unmade airs scored?
How fluttery and depressing the response to Kelly Slater’s unmade air yesterday. The snarling, the bared teeth, the traumatised sphincters!
“Zero credibility”
“Ridiculously ripped off!!”
“You guys suck”
“So Stupid”
“You chicken-hearted motherfuckers! All you bastards are cunts!”
“How was that not a 10!!”
And, from Millar Moaz on the WSL website, “The [sic] Judgs kiled the contast… shame on you!!”
What the judges did do, was avoid emotion. Rulebook in-hand they stuck to the criteria, dropping scores from 3.8 to 5.
No argument, no hesitation. The computer kicked out the high and the low, averaged the rest and… a 4.17.
Judges don’t give a score based on best intentions or how loud the crowd screams. Just cold hard truths.
Then again I would agree. I am a Judge.
Which means I’m just another paid cog in the wheel of the Jewish bankers’ Trojan horse, built to hold surfing back in the dark ages of three to the beach and keeping contests in big-city locations. Dutifully trained to change my scores whenever the head-judge nods his head up or down.
The Judges, the judging, I’ve heard it all. Big-ticket calls like this just fuel the fire of discontent at ground zero.
Another reason for eight-year-old Taj or Jack’s mum to accost me pre-surf in the car park two weeks after the comp, video evidence in hand.
“Everyone on the beach thought he got the score”
Another reason for the normally meek but now belligerently drunk fourth placing finalist shouting in my ear at the surf-comp after party.
“You guys don’t want me to win, ay.”
Another reason to send a text highlighting my inability to see how that window-washer turn was in fact a fins-free tail waft.
“That cost me the title”
How about we give the judges a break? It ain’t all roses.
The indignity of having muffins thrown at you by short-fused Hawaiians.
All day in the harsh sun, the only relief a sneaky behind the sunglasses cat-nap mid-heat
Pretending not to be hungover? That shit takes years of practice.
I can’t even imagine the leggy distractions walking past on the beach at some of these WSL events. I struggle with keeping an eye on the job when a seagull flies past.
People don’t realise and appreciate how hard it is to write a score down while juggling coffee and your lunch.
So lets just sweep this little noisy mess under the carpet and keep in mind it’s not always weeks spent in the best surf locations in the world for our judging panel…
… sometimes they have to go home to sweat out the coke.
WSL is broke, Quicksilver hemorrhaging money due to the loss of Kelly meaning no more cash-ola for the WSL. dump kelly quick and get him to retire so the WSL can pump up someonelse
OK then why is it someone can get a .9 for getting pitched over the falls? Or why does scoring not stop when taking a knee when going backside to get barreled? Subjective, fucking favoritism there is even a group on Facebook now called World Surfing League – WTF? I think they are on to something!!!
The judging is at an all-time low under Mr Porta. I’m sorry for him and his team but that is the truth. There is always going to be emotions for a wave over or underscored but as long as the one deserving to advance through to the next heat does so, I’m fine. Thing is, how many heats where undeservedly lost and won in the past few years? A FUCKING LOT! It is understandable to witness a couple of heats a year that are blatant rip-offs, surfing is rather suggestive and mistakes are always going to be made, but we have had two major fuck ups in this comp alone! I FUCKING HATE THIS SHIT!!! It makes for really unnerving broadcasts which should be otherwise ok to watch. It is time for a en entirely new judging panel IMO, the current one doesn’t have any credibility anymore, especially among people who actually are obsessed by surfing or can surf at a decent level themselves. WSL: judging is at the core of your product, it is your weakest link right now! Do something!!! #kellyheadjudge2016 #jesuiskolohe
PS: that was a 4.17.
6-8 if he was on a bodyboard haha
Fuck. Every year its the same.. wanking on about Trestles; the liquid skate park, the progression, the variation, the combos we’re all gonna see… Then the WSl & the judges fuck it all up by giving preference to and over scoring safe surfing. The commentators going on about how much variation there is on 5 back hand turns in a row. There isn’t that much variety in 5 backhand Reo’s, because its basically the same turn, with a few tweaks.. no massive variation.
Its like 80s surfing.. smack it as much as you can and don’t fall on the last turn. Thats why Nat or Ace could win this whole thing, without doing 1 progressive maneuver .. what ever that is.
Good satire Neggy. It is more poignant than you think. And Weasel world is more fucked up than you think. There must be a lot of very tight sphincters wondering how the shit show is gonna get financed. The Demographics are all fucked up, “emerging markets” aren’t emerging and the Americans would rather “freesurf” making videos than grovel in shoulder high mush under the railroad tracks.
OK, if using quotes is the theme of the day…
“Now the punters want unmade airs scored?” Says Negatron on Beach Grit.
For one, who said it was unmade? Did he not ride out the rest of the wave? A mistake sure, “a bauble” as Joey T might be quoted as saying, but unmade? Nuh-uh.
Two, even it was unmade the judges always give nominal points for blown takeoffs or falling on the first turn etc etc. Go check the scores, no-one gets 0.00 for falling on takeoff. And then there’s the fact judges score points for closeouts barrels – unmade barrels in other words. Julian in Fiji, Owen in Tahiti last year progressing without even making a wave, plus surfers at Pipe keeping a closeout barrel in their two wave tally. Happens every year.
So in short, it was made and he should’ve been appropriately scored for it.
You can quote me on that.
it was made, it looked shit, and was scored appropriately
i agree Stu…. he didnt get scored for it but he rode out of it…. seems judges have a problem judging stuff they have never seen before. Like…. tunnel-fins.
Here, here, two cheers for reason! Three cheers if anyone has an accurate estimate of the entourage’s per-event or per-annum coke budget.
You nailed the most pertinent comment Negatron as –
“Dutifully trained to change my scores whenever the head-judge nods his head up or down”
most people pretty much know the head judge calls the score and the judges go 0.5 approx. either side – been going on for years
why the fuck even have judges except head judge!!!
not saying Kelly deserved a 10 – but say he got a 7 which from what have watched in the event so far was probably a fair score.
That 7 then changes whole context of the heat!!!
That shit together with time taken to post scores in the final moments is what stinks in pro surfing. How many times do you see a guy waiting for the score to drop so he doesn’t know if needs another wave and his competitor not knowing if he is safe or needs another wave too – total bullshit!!!!
Lastly seems pretty clear that Kelly is being “forced” out – may just fire him up. Being a stubborn prick myself I would probably just try and stay on till I was 50!!!
Kelly being “forced out” I like this angle!
I reckon they are just “pushing” him enough for him to say “fuck it” i’m done!!! then they can pat him on the back and say thanks for your contribution. which seems likely, with maybe no france or Ports for him.
or it can work the other way and he can be the “thorn” in WSL side for bit longer.
I reckon most people want him to stay as still relevant for sure
He fell. The score was fair.
That was at least an 9.0. As my Mate Sam George said somewhere: a disgrace!
I’ve just read Sam’s article on Surfline and it’s very hard to disagree with him. While the judges at Trestles might have being true to the letter of the law, they certainly aren’t doing anything for the spirit of the sport. And ultimately that’s what’s going to make it prosper, not anally retentive nitpicking in the tower.
No no no Sam George is a moron, you should both stick to body boarding. You don’t see people at your local break going for fly away airs and hoping they land cockroach then spinning round standing up and claiming they just landed the most innovative air man has ever seen. He fell and got lucky
Whaaa?, Sam George a moron? Have you ever seen the ESPN 30 for 30 about Eddie Aikau? Sam wrote it. He is by far one of the most serious writers in surfing.
Wow. You just fucked your stupid “he landed on his stomach” argument.
Kelly has always been “lucky’ btw.
get back onto the inertia website buddy
Exactly! Or, maybe, they were just following a call from their australian Head Judge.