Wait, one of 'em was a ferocious eel!
Three shark attacks in the span of a week have the island of Oahu whipped into a hysterical fervor. The shores are lined with spear-wielding locals, a fleet of fishing boats combs the coastal waters destroying everything in its wake.
Residents have joined together in one voice and made their intentions clear: the shark scourge will be wiped from existence, no longer will humanity cower in fear, reluctant to leave the safety of dry land!
Not really.
There were three attacks, kinda.
The third attack was at Waikiki, and was, according to officials, an eel. Which is kind of neat, eels aren’t usually aggressive unless provoked, so the dude basically won the animal attack lottery. Only the prize sucks, eel bites are horrific, though less severe than that of a shark.
Two unfortunate souls were hit by large tigers, one while surfing Leftovers, another while making the swim from the Mokes outside Lanikai to shore, losing one leg below the knee, and both above the ankle, respectively.
The third attack was at Waikiki, and was, according to officials, an eel. Which is kind of neat, eels aren’t usually aggressive unless provoked, so the dude basically won the animal attack lottery. Only the prize sucks, eel bites are horrific, though less severe than that of a shark.
Derek talked to Laserwolf, North Shore resident, photographer extraordinaire, family man, and all around cool guy, to get his take on the situation.
“I’m surprised I haven’t been bit yet… but you can’t be mad at the sharks. It’s like a hiker who goes in the woods and then is surprised to get attacked by a bear. I don’t kill sharks. I don’t fish for them for sport and I don’t support it. Hopefully, my respect for the ocean and its inhabitants is returned until the end of my days…
“Everyone shark fishes where I come from. Everyone. All my friends I grew up with do it. I never once partook. What’s the point of dragging something around by a hook in its mouth for hours on end just to take a picture and then release it if it happened to survive the fight? Could you imagine if someone did that to a dog or a horse or some other tamed animal? Society would lose their shit!”
There’s been no real talk of a cull, killing sharks is something that generally isn’t done in Hawaii, despite the fact that attacks happen fairly frequently in our little archipelago (26 in the last three years).
The local blend of judgmental Christianity and convenient animism leads to many identifying sharks as their ‘aumakua, a kind of ancestral spirit animal. No one wants a lame ‘aumakua, so it’s sharks and turtles all around.

Sounds glorious fun to me.
And here I (and the rest of the world?) thought Florida was all redneck country…
what’s up with all the photographers from Florida giving themselves nicknames???
I don’t think they’re literate enough to tell the difference…
I hate being reminded with photos like above, that we nothing more than just pieces of meat.
Not all I’m a fantastic piece of meat and I though negatron would be all metal and circuits…
Only my cold steel heart.
Fucking hell, thanks for the photo, just the mind pollution I needed in this little shark infested corner of the world.
Rory, Hawaii had one of the biggest culling programs the world has ever seen: “Between 1959 and 1976, Hawaii culled over 4,500 sharks around the islands. According to the Hawaii Institute for Marine Biology, however, the program made no difference in the number of shark attacks that occurred.”
They also culled in the 90’s.
That’s why real journalists have fact checkers!
heres a bit of insider info..spoke to Eric arakawa ,the guy at Leftovers was his new ding repairer ,got attacked , every surfer in the water bailed and left him , a guy on a SUP heard the screams , and went back and found the surfer punching the shark ,as it was tangled in his leggie, and the SUP guy had to beat the shark with his paddle an get the surfer on his SUP…..the shark even tried to get between them getting to shore , moral of the story…….fuck I dunno, maybe SUP’s have a purpose in the surf?
I thought Eric sent all his repair work to that cocksucker Dennis Kirk’s place.
rory , didn’t know ya had a sexual relationship with dennis , but Eric does his own repairs!
Oh man, you don’t even know how much I detest that guy. Dennis, I mean, Eric’s okay.
sounds like an interesting story ….but I guess all s/bd manufacturers have had /have their demon days!
SUPs and Julian Wilson. Honestly surprised to hear that everyone left the guy alone… This is quite depressing story.
Fuck no, they just sit (stand) higher and feel they can get away with it, like anyone on a boat, if his legs were dangling in the water and he couldn’t see shit, he would’ve bailed like the others. I used to windsurf in sharky waters and see them coming to check me out, but never felt as threatened as when surfing… I’d rather have a jetski in the lineup than a SUPer for that matter!
Brandon (laserwolf) is from Florida. A lot of people fish in Florida, but not for sharks. That’s not accurate.
fishing in the channels and bays of the southeast pretty much guarantees sharks will take your bait at least sometimes. Tarpon fishing boils down to hoping a shark doesn’t take your bait
so are you, there is a fair bit shark fishing in FLA, and the jags suck… Questions????
From a playfull Katy Perry photo to faces of death. Was not ready for that, Rory.
I hope you got the victim’s consent for posting that photo!