Thumbnail photo on Slater wave pool movie sows new
drama!
Watching website traffic at the back end of
BeachGrit is like being on the spike. When it’s
roaring, colour creeps into your face. Your hips
twitch. A spreading wave of relaxation slackens the
muscles away from the bones so that you seem to float without
outlines, like lying in warm salt water.
…oh, it’s good.
Therefore, can you imagine our highs when the Kelly Slater wave
pool story broke yesterday? Records smashed, our server trembling
under the weight of eyes, new viewers, new countries (Yes! Hello
Syria! Hello Afghanistan! True).
From Brazil and the US came the online detectives. Permits
arrived. Satellite photos. And, here, maybe the second greatest
mystery after where the Slater pool is…
Our theory is than kelly is surfing since june, and he make
it public now to put in shame adrianos win, at the end of the day,
even the brazilian are speaking about kelly’s wave.
Why is Kelly Slater wearing trunks?
Marcelo Matos from Costa Rica writes:
Our theory is than kelly is surfing since june, and he
make it public now to put in shame adrianos win, at the end of the
day, even the brazilian are speaking about kelly’s wave.
i love your web, even when is kind of hard for me to read!
but i like the fact that the editors dont kiss asses. Congrats ,
this is truly love for the truth, fuck sponsors.
We were the first on see kelly is no wetsuit on the
picture.
Doesn’t the little movie clearly show a cold December morning in
Lemoore California? With Kelly trussed in steamer, booties and
gloves
And yet the thumbnail photo for the film has Kelly in trunks, a
wave that doesn’t appear in the short?
Let’s watch!
What do you make of all of this?
Has Kelly been surfing the wave for six months?
Or did the water temp suddenly bounce upwards later in the
day?
Near shopping, schools and a wave that barrels
every day of the year!
Democracy is the most wonderful thing on earth.
The Arabs, Russians, Chinois and French have no idea what they’re
missing out on! Like, Democracy allows for Donald Trump to become
president with access to a massive nuclear arsenal or for a quick
call to Kings County Community Development Agency to pull the
permits for Fish Pond LLC on 18556 Jackson Avenue, Lemoore, CA
93245.
Lemoore, in case you’ve never heard of it, is a quaint
agriculture town located in the San Joaquin valley some three hours
north of Los Angeles on the I5 freeway. It boasts foggy winters,
the Sarah A. Mooney Memorial Museum and a wave that barrels for
maybe a whole minute.
That’s right! Kelly Slater’s Wave Company!
You can read everything yourself, with your own democratic eyes,
and it is quite insightful but the most interesting part, to me, is
that the permit was filed, or executed at least, on September 21. 3
months ago. That means it took Kelly’s team 3 months to slot the
machinery in place to make that dreamy chocolate barrel. 3
months.
3 months.
Three months.
How long did it take to build that Wavegarden?
So Kelly and Co. can smash these things out in their warehouse,
I assume, go find a body of water and within 3 months have a wave
better than anything that has ever broken in Huntington Beach.
Should they put one in Huntington Beach?
If they really have the thing that dialed and the movie we saw
was not like the green-screened moon landing then the future truly
is here.
But in case you want to get in on the present, check this house
just 3 miles from that wave. It is in foreclosure so can be had for
the low low price of 150k.
Calling all Investors! the real estate brochure reads
Come checkout this 3 bed 2 bath home, which features a huge
lot, work shop and plenty of space for RV parking. With a little
TLC it will be a great investment. It’s priced to sell, so don’t
wait!
Yeah. Don’t wait. Lemoore, California is now officially Surf
City, USA. Sorry again Huntington.
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“Wavegarden just went Betamax!”
By Derek Rielly
Are Wavegarden execs really standing on building
ledges, crying?
Earlier this morning, the Seattle-basedsurf historian, former
Surfer editor and once-a-week-lovemaker, Matt Warshaw,
wrote me a short email.
“We need to do a back and forth on Kelly’s wave machine. I feel
dizzy.”
I replied, “Matt I feel dizzy, too, maybe a little chilly. Do
you see a dystopian future? ”
The following back and forth ensued, with Warshaw even
suggesting the desirability of the Slater pool as a WSL event.
After all, said Warshaw, “If you had a choice yesterday between
Pipe or Kelly’s wave, world title on the line, you’d take Kelly’s
wave.”
The bit at the end of the vid where Kelly parks in the tube, all
I could think of was, I’ve never seen anything like that except
maybe Barra. And Barra is hot and sticky and crowded, and where’s
my passport, and where do you stay, and who’s renting the car,
while this wave . . . fuck! I don’t know. Do I want to surf it? I
don’t know. Yes. Yes, of course I want to surf it!
BeachGrit: How do you think Kelly’s wave compares to
Wavegarden?
Warshaw: Wavegarden just went Betamax! Wavegarden execs are
standing on office building ledges, crying, looking down at the
sidewalk! How does it compare to that pool you surfed in Dubai?
BeachGrit: Not Dubai, but Malaysia and the Canaries have
felt my touch. Malaysia was terrible, Tenerife was something else.
Do I want to surf Kelly’s pool? I’ve never wanted anything as
much…how about you old man?
Warshaw: There used to be this place called Big Surf, in
Arizona, this big toilet-flusher of a wavepool. Maybe its still
there. This huge three-story tank filled with water, and somebody
would press a button, and water gushed into a pool and made this
rolling shitwad of a wave. Big Surf was in a couple surf movies in
the early ‘70s, and the whole point was to laugh at it. Nobody
wanted to actually ride it. Same deal with the FlowRider. Then the
pool in Japan, Ocean Dome I think it was called, that was better,
then a few pools after that were crap, then the early Wavegarden
clips, I remember thinking, Ohhh, they’re getting closer. But not
until 10 minutes ago have I ever actually wanted to surf an
artificial wave. The bit at the end of the vid where Kelly parks in
the tube, all I could think of was, I’ve never seen anything like
that except maybe Barra. And Barra is hot and sticky and crowded,
and where’s my passport, and where do you stay, and who’s renting
the car, while this wave . . . fuck! I don’t know. Do I want to
surf it? I don’t know. Yes. Yes, of course I want to surf it
BeachGrit: Surfing just changed, you think?
Warshaw: I do. Absolutely. Like,
put a big red before-and-after mark in the timeline. For starters,
just to take the easiest topic, since we’re all thinking about
contests after yesterday— do you put a wave pool on the WCT
schedule?
BeachGrit: Do you?
Warshaw: Wavegarden just went Betamax! Wavegarden execs are
standing on office building ledges, crying, looking down at the
sidewalk!
Warshaw: How do you not? If you had a choice yesterday between
Pipe or Kelly’s wave, world title on the line, you’d take Kelly’s
wave. But its making me a little crazy thinking about it.
BeachGrit: What about the idea that this is the opener
for a dystopian future of inland jocks finally putting paid to the
myth of surfing being for evolved souls?
Warshaw: Twenty years ago a lot of people were saying, and I was
in this camp myself for a year or so, that surf-cams and high-tech
forecasting were about to suck the magic out of the sport. But that
was nothing compared to what Kelly just did. Wow, Kelly just kicked
surf forecasting in the nuts! We praise the adventure and exploring
and culture and things that come with wave-hunting, but those are
cheap virtues, when there’s no option. What we all want, first and
foremost, is the good wave. Now there IS an option, or will be
soon, are you still going to go halfway around the world to chase a
swell, and risk a surprise crowd, or a rogue bit of shitty weather,
or 10 other things that’ll mess the surf up? Or you going to book
your time at the pool? I’d still probably choose travel but I’m not
as sure about that as I was when I woke up this morning. And
probably a majority of surfers just flat out will take the sure
thing and go to the pool.
BeachGrit: Did you like the timing of the release? Our
little buzzy bee world champ and Pipeline Master enjoys limelight
for exactly…one day.
Warshaw: Nah, I don’t think that has anything to do with the
timing. They filmed on December 5, and Kelly’s been sitting on it
since then. He would have been dying to drop it. Anybody would.
Nice of Kelly to wait until Pipe was finished, actually.
BeachGrit: Where do you think it is? Real cold, near a
major road, you’ve got a handle on US geography?
Warshaw: Not a clue. I was thinking it was some other country.
I’m sure we’ll know by tomorrow.
BeachGrit: Where’s it gonna be in a year? In 10
years?
Warshaw: One year from now, my guess is they’re going to be
programing variations and even flaws into the wave, so it doesn’t
look so antiseptic. Then I guess the biggest thing is figuring out
the economics and scalability. Ten years from now 90% of us will be
within a half-day’s drive of a Kelly Slater signature wave. Fuck,
I’ll be to old for the Barra model.
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Did Reddit Find Kelly Slater’s Wave
Pool?
By Derek Rielly
…oh you'll never guess where!
What did we do before the miracle of the
internet? Before we could jam hither and yon, sharing
information with the punch of a key?
For a few hours this morn, it looked like the entire world was
pushed up against their laptop and phone screens, gobbling up the
just-loosed video of Kelly Slater’s wave pool.
Of course, the short is low on details, Kelly choosing to eschew
all references and details. Whereupon Reddit, that fabulous online
bulletin board full of devoted keyboard jockeys, filled in the blanks.
Street views, satellite views, anecdotal evidence, comparison of
trees, of buildings.
From stuftup:“Basically gonna confirm its
the lake on the right – the one under construction in the google
aerial map. Check the building styles from the street view and the
screencap: http://imgur.com/a/dFfc3
Hell, the building in the background of the screencap where
you can see the two rollup doors on the left side may be the same
one from the street view.“
From Weatherhaboob: “It think we found it
boys! I don’t like blowing up spots but this is different. I really
think this is it.”
Want more on these sleuthing threads? Dive in here and here.
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Cruel: Kelly Slater steals ADS
thunder!
By Chas Smith
He is an absolute master.
I was enjoying a wonderful cup of coffee this
morning with ol’ pal Ashton Goggans. You remember him? He used to
write great things for us here. We were speaking on all manner of
fun topics, just having a good time. Then Bart Wilson, Julian’s
brother, came up and we talked about more fun things until Bart
said, “Have you seen Kelly’s new wave pool?”
And FUCK! There went my wonderful cup of coffee and nice sunny
chat. I had to sprint home to try and toss the video on our little
site. Thankfully Rory, floating in the middle of the ocean, beat me
to it but my morning was still gutted. Wrecked.
Kelly Slater is an absolute master of stealing the spotlight any
time it drifts, slightly, from his handsome face. He was mad at me
for having a cup of coffee and not talking about him and so he
released a perfect video that is burning the
Internet down.
Worse still, though, is poor Adriano de Souza. Hours ago,
literally hours, he was on top of it all. He was champion of the
world, the first ever Brazilian Pipe Master too! He had etched his
name into the record books and could sit back and be lauded for a
hard-fought year.
Except he couldn’t because when he woke up this morning the
lauders were glued to computer screens not watching his year’s
highlights but ogling Kelly Slater’s magnificent wave.
I want to be frustrated but he is so good at it, so utterly
masterful, that all I can do is stand, mouth agape, like everyone
else. Oh, my mouth is not agape at the wave. It scares me in a way
that I cannot explain. Like, really points to the end of the world
somehow.
No, I stand in awe of Kelly Slater. 43 years old. Ended the year
in 9th place. And he is still the epicenter of our
world. Bravo and here’s looking at you, kid