Can you guess four things surfers have screwed up? Wait, only four?
I know a lot of you are reading this stuff from outside my own country, and I’m never really sure how much US news makes it across borders. Not much, I assume, since I know little to nothing about what’s going on in Australia, or New Zealand.
Which is where I think a large majority of our readers reside.
Anyway, in case you weren’t aware we’ve got a lovely bunch of right wing racist Christian terrorists occupying a federal building and rattling their sabers. A true blue bunch of nutjobs, one of their number, a PTSD addled vet, even posted a jihad-style martyr video.
Entertaining stuff, I figure they’re either going to get killed or locked up for a very long time. It’d be scary if I still lived on the mainland, place is infested with this type of lunatic. But I’m thousands of miles away, safe in the Pacific, resident of the state with the lowest gun ownership rate in the USA.
The only real effect it has on my life, outside of entertainment value, is that it finally changed my opinion on guns. I’ve always liked guns. They’re cool, make a lot of noise, kill things. Don’t own any, myself, because like Jim Jeffries said, “From time to time, we all get sad…”
So, yeah, for whatever reason, this is the straw that broke the camel’s back, and I’m in the no-more-guns camp. It sucks, group of idiots ruined it for everyone, but them’s the breaks.
I’ll happily sacrifice my theoretical right to own a firearm if it keeps them out of the hands of people like those dumb fucks in Oregon.
Which got me thinking about aspects of surfing that aren’t bad, in and of themselves, but are used in such a way that the world would be a better place without them.
Don’t we surfers love to fuck stuff up? A delusional horde of hedonistic narcissists who play at spirituality descend on a locale and kill in inside a decade. Pollution, poverty, addiction, carpet bagging cocksuckers joining the gold rush to buy up land and privatize access. We’re a nightmare, and we know it
Here are four…
Volume: Arguably, the most useless number you can assign a surfboard. Sure, coupled with length, width, rocker, a tiny bit of knowledge about bottom contour, and rail foil, it can help make a decision regarding board design. But on its own it only relates to buoyancy, and means nothing worth knowing. But it’s a single number, very easy to explain, great for selling boards. Perfect when slapping together a bullshit calculator that peddles boards to uninformed consumers.
Travel: Jeez, don’t we surfers love to fuck stuff up? A delusional horde of hedonistic narcissists who play at spirituality descend on a locale and kill in inside a decade. Pollution, poverty, addiction, carpet bagging cocksuckers joining the gold rush to buy up land and privatize access. We’re a nightmare, and we know it. Read about surfers screwing Bali here.
Religion: I’m not religious, made no secret of that. But I don’t really have a problem with people who are, as long as they keep it to themselves. Which most do. The average person is pretty decent, trying to foist your ethos on another person is fucked enough an act beyond the pale.
But religious surf organizations, almost exclusively Christian, never cease to get me riled.
Bunch of chicken hawk charlatans trying to recruit the weak and dumb, turn my favorite activity into a means of indoctrination. It’s not something of which I’ll ever be accepting, or even approaching polite.