Everyone's ears are cocked! | Photo: Steve
Sherman/Photo Union Worker/Surfing magazine
Invest: Villager is almost here!
By Chas Smith
Taj Burrow, Jack Freestone and pals' coconut water
co will make you millions!
Remember St. Archer? The extreme sport craft
beer financed by action sport stars that took the world by storm,
eventually selling to MillerCoors for multiple tens of millions of
dollars?
I remember when I first heard the concept that I almost spit
vodka out my nose. “Another craft beer in San Diego?” I chortled.
“Ha!” The market here, for those who don’t know, is gagged with a
bazillion tons of hops and barley and mostly hops since IPA is
trending hard. And distribution is controlled by very few. How
would a dang extreme sport craft beer even begin to compete.
“HA!”
Boy, was I wrong.
And now the same team is entering another choked market. Coconut
water! That’s right, you’ve seen Laura Enever’s post, the word
VILLAGER in black on a simple white background. You’ve maybe even
followed @villagergoods and seen that same logo tiled across the
page.
But what is?
Extreme sport Coconut water as financed by action sport stars!
I’m sure there is some sort of ecological/giving-back angle. I’m
sure it will have electrolytes. I’m sure it will taste good and be
branded well. I’m sure they will steal market share and be scooped
up.
Investors include Jack Freestone and Taj Burrow, Taylor
Knox, Pat, Dane and Tanner Gudauskas, Laura Enever, and best
skateboarder in the world Paul Rodriguez.
I’m sure, this time, that everyone will make multiple tens of
millions of dollars.
Can you think of an ultra-crowded market that BeachGrit
can jump in? A fast food chain that sells hamburgers and french
fries? A bread company where the product comes to your grocery
shelf tucked in a clear plastic bag? Cold-pressed juices?
Coffee?
Help us help you!
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Rage: Mavericks event cancelled!
By Chas Smith
The Titans of Mavericks would have run Thursday but
for one small inconvenience.
Yesterday giant waves pummeled northern
California’s most famous big wave surfing spot. “… one of the
bigger days I’ve seen all year, and it was pumping so hard that it
was throwing over,” surfer Galend Barbour told the Bay Area’s KRON
4 news. “Mavericks usually has this way of kind of crumbling and
not really having a barrel. Today, there was so much force that
there is literally walls of water just peeling over.”
Surfline, forecasting website with a predilection for dark kink, claimed 23 foot plus waves
with gorgeous winds. Near perfect conditions. But no Titans of
Mavericks event. Why?
That damned Super Bowl!
America’s grandest sporting spectacle is set to kick off
this Sunday in nearby Santa Clara. The Denver Broncos, piloted by
an aging gun-slinger, will take on the young, brash Carolina
Panthers. Fun for most! Except the Titans of Mavericks organizers.
Apparently they were told there were no police, sheriffs or even
Coast Guard for them to use and, thus, they could not run their
little thing. And so the best days in recent history when
uncontested.
And son of a bitch. First catty infighting, then being
outshone by Jaws, then getting busted for sexism and now this? Everyone
is pinning hopes on El Nino bringing tons more contestable action
so no worries, right? Right? RIGHT?
Do you think that made the Titans of Mavericks feel like their
needs were met? Do you think they felt like equal citizens in this
American democracy? Do surf lives matter?
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Playlist: Music for the drunk and
weary!
By Rory Parker
Maybe worst five-song playlist you've ever heard!
Or, if you're special, the best!
I scored some fun surf yesterday evening.
Nothing magic, but I absolutely love semi-closed out bumpy dumpy
barrels. And I finally feel like I can almost surf at 100% again.
It’s been a long road back and I’m frothing like a teenager.
Because I live on the east side of Kauai early morning sessions
at the local are a nightmare. Staring straight into a rising sun, I
don’t know how other people deal with it. I just usually wait until
10am or so, when the sun is high enough in the sky that it doesn’t
scorch my eyeballs.
But yesterday was so fun I hit it early.
No wind or rain last night, figured it’d be glassy smooth
beautiful.
Which it was not. Terrible morning sickness in effect, but some
fun looking wedges and no one else around. One of those days that
looks like shit if you don’t take a solid twenty minutes to check
it. Watched a few guys pull up and bounce out before a set.
Surfed for five hours, I can barely stand. But I grabbed a six
pack of Pacifico on the way home, I’m gonna drink the entire thing
and listen to my fave post session playlist.
Had some fun, and then it cleaned up and got magic. I’ve never
understood how that works, when the wind is the same, but the sun
comes out and all of a sudden it glasses off and the murky water
clears. Pressure systems or something, I’m sure.
Surfed for five hours, I can barely stand. But I grabbed a six
pack of Pacifico on the way home, I’m gonna drink the entire thing
and listen to my fave post session playlist.
Fleetwood Mac, Rumours.
Sweet god damn, do I love Fleetwood Mac! I’m not music guy, so I
don’t really have the vocabulary to explain why I love this album
so much, but it’s full of hit after hit after hit, so I know I’m
not alone.
Beach Boys, Pet Sounds
Best album of all time? Yes! Sure, it’s really just Brian Wilson
crying over a girl like some creepy nice guy stalker, but that sick
madness was channeled perfectly into genius.
Jethro Tull, The Very Best Of
Motherfucking flute rock!
David Bowie, Ziggy Stardust
My wife can always tell when I’m super drunk, because ZS goes on
repeat.
Rush, Fly by Night
Falsetto nerd rock makes me happy.
Simon and Garfunkel, Bridge Over Troubled
Water
Years ago, my wife surprised me with tickets to Simon and
Garfunkel at the Hollywood Bowl. What a magical night! I yelled at
an old lady who complained we were blocking her view of the stage.
We were up in the nosebleeds, and the two 100 year old men who were
rocking the house barely moved the entire concert. There wasn’t
shit to see anyway.
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Buy: Dion Agius’s dream apartment!
By Chas Smith
The biggest little surfer's loss could be your
gain!
Do you love miniature trains, Tasmanian devils
and ocean front living? Then you’ll love Dion Agius’s Currumbin
apartment! He has called the Queensland suburb, famous for wildlife
and white people, home for many years. But things change and
people change and Dion is moving on. His loss? You’re gain!
“Hello there friends…” he says “…I’ve finally decided to part
ways with my sweet heart of a little apartment in Currumbin after
many amazing years… it’s now up online if anyone is looking for a
sweet new Currumbin pad only 2 mins from beach…”
The listing reads:
Wake up and enjoy your coffee while deciding what water
sport you will enjoy for the day.
Paddle board on the Currumbin Estuary just steps from your
door, surf at the world class surfing break “Currumbin Alley” at
the end of your street or take a dip in your sparkling resort style
pool.
Also features
– Modern in design and layout with neutral
tones – Two bedrooms, two bathrooms – Gourmet kitchen, stainless steel appliances, electric
cook-top – Air conditioning
– Open plan kitchen and living area – Lap pool with heated spa – Landscaped gardens and BBQ area in complex – Security intercom – Dishwasher – Separate laundry including clothes dryer
This specialised apartment is positioned above the pool area
in “Ocean Walk” and are rare as they are the superior location
within the complex and have been tightly held.
Currumbin is known to be the most prestigious suburb on the
southern gold coast, that historically has enjoyed high rental
returns year round and high capital growth.
We look forward to showing you through this wonderful
opportunity in a red hot location.
Does it sound perfect? It should! Click here to purchase!
A purple sectional fit for a king!
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Come to Cape Hatteras, North Carolina, to ride the
first commercial version of Kelly Slater's wave pool. The first sod
gets turned later this year. The taps turn on in 2018.
Just in: First Slater pool to open in
2018?
By Derek Rielly
Come inside and discover where!
You saw the movie, you lost your mind and you
thought: when can I ride Kelly Slater’s wave pool?
This press release went under the radar when it was
announced last year, ’cause who knew if a wavepool was ever going
to actually exist except in a few radical thinker’s minds, but that
first beautiful pool? Think: Cape Hatteras, North Carolina.
First sod’s turned this year, the pool active by 2018, at least
according to this.
Is it f’reals?
In the meantime, let’s examine the press release, dated March
31, 2015.
“As if 11 World Titles, ownership of Firewire
Surfboards, and a roadmap to building the world’s best
wave machine weren’t enough, Kelly
Slater and REAL
Watersports of Cape Hatteras, North Carolina
announced their partnership on March 31st. The agreement includes
Slater investing an undisclosed amount in REAL in exchange for
ownership shares and the ability to utilize REAL’s resort,
surrounding undeveloped land and strong community ties to develop
the long awaited Kelly Slater Wave
Company(KSWC) Wave Pool. Kelly will also be working
with REAL to develop, distribute and market Kelly’s new line of
surfboards, built by Firewire, and branded
WHEELHOUSE.
“Kelly’s been looking for a solid partner for the
KSWC for quite some time. He was even quoted
in Surfing magazine as saying ‘the ultimate location
for my pool will be a resort, already located in a good wave
location, that wants to guarantee a first class surfing experience.
This location will have everything onsite, including a surf shop,
restaurant and bar, and first class accommodations.’ If you’ve been
to REAL, you already know it’s a dead on match for what Kelly has
been looking for to launch his KSWC Wave Pool.
“Kelly’s association and now ownership of Firewire is what
brought Kelly and REAL to the table. Kelly being the gear head that
he is, immediately gravitated to Daniel
“Tomo” Thompson, Firewire’s futuristic board designer, to give
him the upper hand on the next generation of surfboard shapes and
technologies. With Tomo’s next level knowledge of surfboard design,
Kelly immediately realized that the influences in hydrodynamics
were not only coming from surfing, Tomo was also talking about
kiteboarding, hydrofoiling, even sailing and how all of these
“boards” were influencing each other. Slater has many friends
around the world who already kiteboard or kitesurf, but hadn’t
tried it himself. Tomo immediately said…”You have to go to REAL!
They have the ultimate setup. Surf shop, school, restaurant,
accommodations, live music, all right on the water. It’s a first
class operation, plus the people at REAL are great. Really switched
on and into what they’re doing”. The match had been thrown in the
gasoline…
“REAL has already retained Overton
Engineering to develop preliminary site work sketches
and pool location. REAL Co-Founder Trip
Formandesigned the current REAL site plan and had this to
say about the KSWC expansion: “Our goal with the new KSWC layout is
to have the pool as close to the Pamlico Sound as possible,
creating an infinity wave pool experience where beachgoers can
watch both surfing and kiteboarding action at the same time, both
in perfect conditions. We’re even bringing in REAL Slider Park
kiteboarders Joby Cook, Jason
Slezak, Eric
Rienstra and Brandon
Scheid to consult with us on the construction of a
“Wall Ride” slider running the entire waterfront edge of the wave
pool. Whether you’re surfing, kiteboarding or just sitting on the
man made Cape Hatteras sand beach taking it all in, this is going
to be a one of a kind development.”
“When looking over the site plan and hearing Forman speak about
the details, it seems as if nothing has been left to spare. A new
20,000sq ft “Aquaplex” will be erected just east of the pool
containing VIP boxes, shaded viewing areas, a restaurant and bar,
ping pong, billiards and foosball tables, locker rooms and a
stretch/yoga area. Single bedroom efficiency apartments will be
located upstairs, all with outdoor decks over looking the pool and
Pamlico Sound. There’s even a Tiki Bar on the “island” in the
middle of the pool. “For anyone who has participated in a
development of this size, you know the design and permit process is
a lengthy one. Typically you spend more time on the front side,
before even breaking ground, than you do on construction of the
final masterpiece. It’s all worth it though if you want to make it
perfect. Based on the timeline of the current REAL Resort, it’s
looking like we will be breaking ground Fall 2016 with a
Spring/Summer 2018 Grand Opening.”
“‘We’re excited about the next step REAL and Kelly are taking
together. I grew up surfing the Outer Banks and have been a big
time fan of Kelly’s forever. We can’t wait to see the rollout of
the two new bars at the KSWC Pool at REAL. The coldest Carolina
Brewery beers on draft served over perfect waves with an epic
sunset backdrop. That’s “Cheers” Carolina
Style!’” Robert Poitras Founder/Owner Carolina
Brewery
“Tech to the Next Level
Sure you’ll be surfing the world’s most perfect, predictable wave,
sending your honed wave cracking skills through the roof. But will
anyone believe you that you landed that mute grabbed 540? REAL’s
close ties with Soloshot led
to the idea of mounting a 360 degree Soloshot Camera system atop
the Tiki Bar in the center of the pool. Included with the surfing
pass will be free use of the Soloshot equipment and live surfing
footage streaming in the Tiki Bar, the KS Aquaplex Bar and also at
Watermen’s Bar & Grill. Since the pool is circular, the Soloshot
Camera will rotate indefinitely, capturing every surfer and every
wave. The Soloshot Camera can capture up to 10 riders for each
camera, so additional wristbands can be worn by kiters riding the
surrounding Wall Ride feature. Take away raw footage and edited
videos will be available at an additional fee.”
Does the idea of flying to Hatteras to ride the pool drill you
with happiness?
Does your virility spring upward at the thought?
Is it real?
(The real short answer: no, as revealed by BeachGrit’s
bank of world-wide commenters, including master shaper Maurice
Cole. Scroll down to read! Bathe in our humiliation! Our
gullibility!)
