Playlist: Music for the drunk and weary!

Maybe worst five-song playlist you've ever heard! Or, if you're special, the best!

I scored some fun surf yesterday evening. Nothing magic, but I absolutely love semi-closed out bumpy dumpy barrels. And I finally feel like I can almost surf at 100% again. It’s been a long road back and I’m frothing like a teenager.

Because I live on the east side of Kauai early morning sessions at the local are a nightmare. Staring straight into a rising sun, I don’t know how other people deal with it. I just usually wait until 10am or so, when the sun is high enough in the sky that it doesn’t scorch my eyeballs.

But yesterday was so fun I hit it early.

No wind or rain last night, figured it’d be glassy smooth beautiful.

Which it was not. Terrible morning sickness in effect, but some fun looking wedges and no one else around. One of those days that looks like shit if you don’t take a solid twenty minutes to check it. Watched a few guys pull up and bounce out before a set.

Surfed for five hours, I can barely stand. But I grabbed a six pack of Pacifico on the way home, I’m gonna drink the entire thing and listen to my fave post session playlist.

Had some fun, and then it cleaned up and got magic. I’ve never understood how that works, when the wind is the same, but the sun comes out and all of a sudden it glasses off and the murky water clears. Pressure systems or something, I’m sure.

Surfed for five hours, I can barely stand. But I grabbed a six pack of Pacifico on the way home, I’m gonna drink the entire thing and listen to my fave post session playlist.

Fleetwood Mac, Rumours.

Sweet god damn, do I love Fleetwood Mac! I’m not music guy, so I don’t really have the vocabulary to explain why I love this album so much, but it’s full of hit after hit after hit, so I know I’m not alone.

Beach Boys, Pet Sounds

Best album of all time? Yes! Sure, it’s really just Brian Wilson crying over a girl like some creepy nice guy stalker, but that sick madness was channeled perfectly into genius.

Jethro Tull, The Very Best Of

Motherfucking flute rock!

David Bowie, Ziggy Stardust

My wife can always tell when I’m super drunk, because ZS goes on repeat.

Rush, Fly by Night

Falsetto nerd rock makes me happy.

Simon and Garfunkel, Bridge Over Troubled Water

Years ago, my wife surprised me with tickets to Simon and Garfunkel at the Hollywood Bowl. What a magical night! I yelled at an old lady who complained we were blocking her view of the stage. We were up in the nosebleeds, and the two 100 year old men who were rocking the house barely moved the entire concert. There wasn’t shit to see anyway.

Buy: Dion Agius’s dream apartment!

The biggest little surfer's loss could be your gain!

Do you love miniature trains, Tasmanian devils and ocean front living? Then you’ll love Dion Agius’s Currumbin apartment! He has called the Queensland suburb, famous for wildlife and white people,  home for many years. But things change and people change and Dion is moving on. His loss? You’re gain!

“Hello there friends…” he says “…I’ve finally decided to part ways with my sweet heart of a little apartment in Currumbin after many amazing years… it’s now up online if anyone is looking for a sweet new Currumbin pad only 2 mins from beach…”

The listing reads:

Wake up and enjoy your coffee while deciding what water sport you will enjoy for the day. 

Paddle board on the Currumbin Estuary just steps from your door, surf at the world class surfing break “Currumbin Alley” at the end of your street or take a dip in your sparkling resort style pool. 

Also features 

– Modern in design and layout with neutral tones 
– Two bedrooms, two bathrooms 
– Gourmet kitchen, stainless steel appliances, electric cook-top 
– Air conditioning 
– Open plan kitchen and living area
– Lap pool with heated spa
– Landscaped gardens and BBQ area in complex 
– Security intercom 
– Dishwasher
– Separate laundry including clothes dryer

This specialised apartment is positioned above the pool area in “Ocean Walk” and are rare as they are the superior location within the complex and have been tightly held. 

Currumbin is known to be the most prestigious suburb on the southern gold coast, that historically has enjoyed high rental returns year round and high capital growth. 

We look forward to showing you through this wonderful opportunity in a red hot location.

Does it sound perfect? It should! Click here to purchase!

A purple sectional fit for a king!
A purple sectional fit for a king!

Kelly Slater wavepool, Cape Hatteras.
Come to Cape Hatteras, North Carolina, to ride the first commercial version of Kelly Slater's wave pool. The first sod gets turned later this year. The taps turn on in 2018.

Just in: First Slater pool to open in 2018?

Come inside and discover where!

You saw the movie, you lost your mind and you thought: when can I ride Kelly Slater’s wave pool?

This press release went under the radar when it was announced last year, ’cause who knew if a wavepool was ever going to actually exist except in a few radical thinker’s minds, but that first beautiful pool? Think: Cape Hatteras, North Carolina.

First sod’s turned this year, the pool active by 2018, at least according to this.

Is it f’reals?

In the meantime, let’s examine the press release, dated March 31, 2015.

“As if 11 World Titles, ownership of Firewire Surfboards, and a roadmap to building the world’s best wave machine weren’t enough, Kelly Slater and REAL Watersports of Cape Hatteras, North Carolina announced their partnership on March 31st. The agreement includes Slater investing an undisclosed amount in REAL in exchange for ownership shares and the ability to utilize REAL’s resort, surrounding undeveloped land and strong community ties to develop the long awaited Kelly Slater Wave Company(KSWC) Wave Pool. Kelly will also be working with REAL to develop, distribute and market Kelly’s new line of surfboards, built by Firewire, and branded WHEELHOUSE.

“Kelly’s been looking for a solid partner for the KSWC for quite some time. He was even quoted in Surfing magazine as saying ‘the ultimate location for my pool will be a resort, already located in a good wave location, that wants to guarantee a first class surfing experience. This location will have everything onsite, including a surf shop, restaurant and bar, and first class accommodations.’ If you’ve been to REAL, you already know it’s a dead on match for what Kelly has been looking for to launch his KSWC Wave Pool.

“Kelly’s association and now ownership of Firewire is what brought Kelly and REAL to the table. Kelly being the gear head that he is, immediately gravitated to Daniel “Tomo” Thompson, Firewire’s futuristic board designer, to give him the upper hand on the next generation of surfboard shapes and technologies. With Tomo’s next level knowledge of surfboard design, Kelly immediately realized that the influences in hydrodynamics were not only coming from surfing, Tomo was also talking about kiteboarding, hydrofoiling, even sailing and how all of these “boards” were influencing each other. Slater has many friends around the world who already kiteboard or kitesurf, but hadn’t tried it himself. Tomo immediately said…”You have to go to REAL! They have the ultimate setup. Surf shop, school, restaurant, accommodations, live music, all right on the water. It’s a first class operation, plus the people at REAL are great. Really switched on and into what they’re doing”. The match had been thrown in the gasoline…

“REAL has already retained Overton Engineering to develop preliminary site work sketches and pool location. REAL Co-Founder Trip Formandesigned the current REAL site plan and had this to say about the KSWC expansion: “Our goal with the new KSWC layout is to have the pool as close to the Pamlico Sound as possible, creating an infinity wave pool experience where beachgoers can watch both surfing and kiteboarding action at the same time, both in perfect conditions. We’re even bringing in REAL Slider Park kiteboarders Joby CookJason SlezakEric Rienstra and Brandon Scheid to consult with us on the construction of a “Wall Ride” slider running the entire waterfront edge of the wave pool. Whether you’re surfing, kiteboarding or just sitting on the man made Cape Hatteras sand beach taking it all in, this is going to be a one of a kind development.”

“When looking over the site plan and hearing Forman speak about the details, it seems as if nothing has been left to spare. A new 20,000sq ft “Aquaplex” will be erected just east of the pool containing VIP boxes, shaded viewing areas, a restaurant and bar, ping pong, billiards and foosball tables, locker rooms and a stretch/yoga area. Single bedroom efficiency apartments will be located upstairs, all with outdoor decks over looking the pool and Pamlico Sound. There’s even a Tiki Bar on the “island” in the middle of the pool. “For anyone who has participated in a development of this size, you know the design and permit process is a lengthy one. Typically you spend more time on the front side, before even breaking ground, than you do on construction of the final masterpiece. It’s all worth it though if you want to make it perfect. Based on the timeline of the current REAL Resort, it’s looking like we will be breaking ground Fall 2016 with a Spring/Summer 2018 Grand Opening.”

“‘We’re excited about the next step REAL and Kelly are taking together. I grew up surfing the Outer Banks and have been a big time fan of Kelly’s forever. We can’t wait to see the rollout of the two new bars at the KSWC Pool at REAL. The coldest Carolina Brewery beers on draft served over perfect waves with an epic sunset backdrop. That’s “Cheers” Carolina Style!’” Robert Poitras Founder/Owner Carolina Brewery

“Tech to the Next Level
Sure you’ll be surfing the world’s most perfect, predictable wave, sending your honed wave cracking skills through the roof. But will anyone believe you that you landed that mute grabbed 540? REAL’s close ties with Soloshot led to the idea of mounting a 360 degree Soloshot Camera system atop the Tiki Bar in the center of the pool. Included with the surfing pass will be free use of the Soloshot equipment and live surfing footage streaming in the Tiki Bar, the KS Aquaplex Bar and also at Watermen’s Bar & Grill. Since the pool is circular, the Soloshot Camera will rotate indefinitely, capturing every surfer and every wave. The Soloshot Camera can capture up to 10 riders for each camera, so additional wristbands can be worn by kiters riding the surrounding Wall Ride feature. Take away raw footage and edited videos will be available at an additional fee.”

Does the idea of flying to Hatteras to ride the pool drill you with happiness?

Does your virility spring upward at the thought?

Is it real?

(The real short answer: no, as revealed by BeachGrit’s bank of world-wide commenters, including master shaper Maurice Cole. Scroll down to read! Bathe in our humiliation! Our gullibility!)

Kelly’s Wave from Kelly Slater Wave Company on Vimeo.

A day in the life of Laird Hamilton!

A rollicking fourteen hours of exercise and the demolition of eight fish at lunch!

Do you, like me, wake up every morning and ask yourself every morning, what shall I do? Do you stroll into the kitchen, throw the coffee pot on, paw at a few boxes of cereal on the pantry shelves, and think, what shall I eat? Do you stare at the little tummy that protrudes, at the paltry chest, at the delicate arms, and think, should I exercise?

One man who towers above us all, of course, is the almost fifty-one-year-old Hawaiian Laird Hamilton. His body is enamelled and jewelled. He’s invented everything necessary for riding big waves, taking credit for little, influencing thousands. Salty and big and wonderful.

Therefore, when his website lists, in detail, what he does in the course of a day, a man is compelled to shut up and listen.

Let’s examine.

5:50 A.M. – Hydrate
Laird has recently been drinking a giant glass of water to start the day, and to get the pipes working; mixed with ¼ tsp. of Himalayan salt and fresh squeezed lemon.

6:00 A.M. – Father Daughter Bonding Breakfast; Laird and Brody share a morning smoothie

Brody is an early riser like Laird, while Reece sleeps in a bit longer. Brody loves her morning time all to herself with her Dad. This time of year Laird adds two full scoops of Whey protein for himself (staying warm in the surf burns up to an extra 400 calories an hour), plus adds ½ scoop for each girl. Then mixes in a serving of Greens, as well as a broad concoction of fruits, nuts, and other ingredients to increase the calorie count.

Laird drinks a cup of his Superfood Coffee and Creamer.

6:30 A.M – Quick Surf Check
Calls to the crew

6:45 A.M. – Barn
Quick commute to his river front work shed – workout barn ‘man cave’.

7:00 A.M. – Gear Check and Load-Up
(jet ski fuel check, rope and radio equipment inspection, board selection, and mount-up)

7:30 A.M. to 1 P.M. – 5 hour morning Foilboard session
(20 or more 2 to 3 minute rides each)

1:30 P.M. – Massive Lunch with the Boys and / or Gabby
Laird’s lunch is usually a major sushi and sashimi chow-down, typically consuming enough food for two grown men. A combination of up to 8 assorted raw fresh fish and vegetable rolls, plus plenty of locally caught Ahi. No bread or pasta, just lots of close-to-the-source local foods, including plenty of fresh fruit and coconut water that is hand-picked and straight from the shell.

2:30 P.M. to 5:00 P.M. – Afternoon Ocean Session
Foilboard session 2, tow-in or afternoon SUP session, (10 or more additional rides per person)

5:00-5:30 P.M – Stretching, Meditation

5:30 P.M. – Sunset River Paddle Board Session
40 minutes or more of high intensity stand-up paddle boarding

6:30 P.M. – Dinner with the family
Gabby cooks almost every night. Always plenty of high quality protein such as very lean steak seasoned with sea salt, served with a variety of vegetables, quinoa, and a big salad.

8:30 P.M. to 9:30 P.M. – Quiet Time
Reading, nightly walk with the kids, Gabby and Laird personal time.

9:35 P.M. – Bed
Laird winds down early to recharge for the next day. He is admit about getting enough sleep 7-8 hours.

“The friends and family who take turns rotating into Kauai throughout the winter months to be a nearby spectator to the daily exploits of Laird and his co-extreme big wave surfers, get to momentarily immerse themselves in this high-energy and high-risk routine. Better yet, a few brave souls even get to occasionally join in. But to maintain the pace of a big wave surfer day-in and day-out requires significant prior conditioning and discipline. So when you start to feel like maybe your 60 to 90 minutes of physical activity a day is a bit tiring, remember, Laird and team get that much exercise in by 9 A.M, just as a warm-up to 8 hours more of intense physical activity.”

How does that grab you? Are you compelled to shape your life accordingly?

And do you like the humiliation of the final paragraph (“When you start to feel like maybe your 60 to 90 minutes of physical activity a day is a bit tiring, remember, Laird and team get that much exercise in by 9 A.M)? 



Real Talk: JJF is past his prime!

John John Florence suffers the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune!

How cruel is this surfing world? One minute you are the past, present and future all rolled into one. The next you are a punching bag in lowly comment sections. “What the hell happened to John John?” the people type. “And Dane Reynolds is fat.”

I don’t actually know if John John Florence is well and truly past his prime. He did not live up to his competitive promise last year that’s for certain but there does seem to be an overwhelming exodus moving away from the once commonly held belief that the beast was the best surfer in the world. I’ve read about how “Mmmmm he can do a couple airs and get barreled but that’s about it…” I’ve also heard people say “He’s ok but Gabby is better.”

Again, true? Honey, there is no such thing. Perception is all that exists in this surfing world. There is no “winning,” no fastest time or highest jump or longest throw. So if the majority of people, or even a very vocal minority, feel John John is spent then he is spent. His fans could go red in the face explaining how technically advanced he is, how magical, how wonderful, but if their entreaties are met with indifference then they have failed.

Pure subjectivity combined with an ever faster spinning globe proves an almost impossible weight to bear. Brother Andino, barely into his 20s, gets described as a has-been. Jordy Smith, still three long years from 30, has been a has-been for the better part of a decade. Kelly Slater is, somehow, the only surfer not governed by the laws of our universe and JJF ain’t no Kelly.

Can he soar again? Most certainly! Our cruelness is only matched by our fickleness. What wonderful traits we all share!