An inauspicious start to 2016…
I woke up to a message from my mother-in-law this morning. “Happy Four Year Anniversary!”
What?
We don’t really celebrate, the wife and I. Dated for eleven years before tying the knot, really only did it for insurance and tax purposes. We don’t wear rings, she didn’t take my name. Lobbied hard to make me take hers, though.
Other than the aforementioned tax and insurance implications, marriage is largely bullshit. Doesn’t change nothin’. Unless you’re a member of some weirdo cult and never got in each others’ pants. Then I’m sure it comes with a bunch of awkward fumbling, sexual malfunction, and eventual divorce. I only ever fucked one virgin, and it was terrible. Swore I’d never do it again, only skeevy sluts from thereon out.
While I had no idea that today’s our wedding anniversary, I’m not about to miss a chance to win a marital battle.
“Happy Anniversary, baby?”
“What are you talking about?”
“It’s been four years! Don’t tell me you forgot?”
Got inside her head for a minute, but I forgot to delete the text. It was on her phone, since I’ve still never owned a cell. Totally blew it, could have used her supposed insensitivity for all sorts of leverage.
Fun Fact: Our dog died the morning after we married. Very auspicious.
Good thing I don’t believe in that stuff. Yeah, I spout plenty of colloquial nonsense about luck or karma, because it was beaten into my head by society, but I’m aware that life just happens, not much you can do to control it.
Which is too bad, life’d be a lot more fun if magic really existed. Every time something bad happened you’d be thinking, “Who’s responsible for this? Did someone put a hex on me?”
The investigation into Phil Toledo’s broken dick would be a treat. Especially when the WSL discovered it was ADS who hired some brazzo witch doctor from the deepest darkest to conjure up a dong curse.
But life is boring, the mundane reality most likely involved lurking on the wrong side of the official WSL Competitor Area glory hole with a hammer in hand.
That’s one nice looking penis , I bet ADS loves it
With the moon in the third lunar phase I’d say that you should pursue Ms Gilmore with all haste. Sometimes trying to tie down these free-spirited individuals is frustrating for those around them. This month you’ll be happiest on the move – exploring new cultures and ideas and many will be attracted to your outdoor work and philosophical pursuits. Your catch phrase this month is “don’t fence me in”. Use it daily. Divorce your wife, buy a dog and try to befriend someone called Terrance.
That has to be Rory’s gig.
Why have you pricks been hoarding all the good writing over here while I waste away reading that drivel over on Stab?
STAB is dead. BeachGrit is dying. Get onto this awesome blog before it’s too late: realsurfing.blogspot.com/
That was cold, man. Cold.
Just read his “Never Claim” fiasco.. Another element to the equation should be noted: The whole home school thing. These kids a are so pampered and constantly being told how greatly they surf. Well before they have any meat on their bones. I may be wrong in my second opinion but most of these kids are coming from well above average income families.. So how bad do they really wan’t it?
I’m really sorry you had to do that Flash. I think surfing is becoming more and more like snowboarding where the privileged tend to prevail due to the greater opportunity to learn having a house in Aspen (or time in the water in San Clemente). Though there are still outliers to that theory. I’ve never been wealthy but I’m also critical of the opinion that poorer kids are tougher or more driven. It’s a fantasy to identify with but not a reality. Home schooling is an absolute joke and the kids who don’t make it professionally will suffer for the rest of their lives with the intellectual disability they are dealt through home schooling.
He portrays himself as Christ the Redeemer. Sad and pathetic.
wow, that was so much worse than I ever imagined.
Google translate makes this blog with a bot.
“Happy Anniversary, baby?”
“What are you talking about?” – She’s a keeper
GIF didn’t work on the post. But here is!
Is that ADS or Billy Madison? I can’t tell.
This should work better.
http://i.gifntext.com/56606…
hahahahahahahaha