Just in: Slater’s Wavepool is Open!

But only for a precious few!

New Slater pool footage dropped while I was sleeping. Not a bad thing to wake up to. Sip on some coffee, try and wrap my head around the whole affair. 

I typically do the grocery shopping in our house.

Because I’m a bit of a cheap-ass I usually just buy whatever coffee is on sale. The more expensive stuff definitely tastes better, but I don’t care. Coffee is a caffeine delivery mechanism for me. Just like booze exists to get me drunk, not sip on and wax rhapsodic about nuances of flavor.

But the wife decided she wants good stuff. Grabbed a bag of $25 per pound local Kauai grown. Coconut caramel crunch flavor. Given that she doses every cup with heavy whipping cream and four tablespoons of sugar, I don’t get the point. I drink my shit black, because that’s what real men do. I’d bet I could swap out the nice stuff with Folgers garbage and she wouldn’t notice the difference.

Slater’s wave pool is exciting. Rushing it into production, then letting the world watch as it flounders would be a terrible idea. Just look at Surf Snowdonia. So much hype, all the excitement come to naught when it became clear the wave kind of sucks. And shit keeps malfunctioning.

I tried her sickly sweet concoctions. Barely even tastes like coffee. So I’ve just gotta assume her preference is a matter of perception. It tastes better because more expensive coffee does. Similar to how a set of fancy pants fins don’t make the average person surf any better. But if you feel like you’re gonna rip, you might as well be actually doing so.

Slater’s wave pool is exciting. Probably still has some kinks to work out. If it didn’t they’d be building ’em all over. But it’s good they’re taking their time. Rushing it into production, then letting the world watch as it flounders would be a terrible idea. Just look at Surf Snowdonia. So much hype, all the excitement come to naught when it became clear the wave kind of sucks. And shit keeps malfunctioning.

“A spokesman for WaveGarden, Felip Verger, says that though the parks will be capable of making bigger waves like Slater’s, they probably won’t, because that would raise energy costs and reduce the number of waves, meaning fewer surfers could be in the lagoon at a time.”

Wave pools are like porn. Well groomed, looks easy in the hands of pros. But the reality is challenging. Unnatural pumping, weird angles. Magic moments are rarely handed to you. Gotta put in effort, do your time. Figure out how everything works.

I cleaned pools for years. Best job I ever had. Only once did I show up to a nude customer lounging in the hot tub, waiting. Guy was in his seventies. It was a bit awkward. Let it go, the guy tipped great on holidays. No, that’s not a euphemism.

I’m taking a wait and see approach with Kelly’s pool. Today’s Los Angeles Times article  points out, “The video shows a maelstrom of backwash behind the wave that would take time to settle before another wave could roll through…Lochtefeld, 63, says that is the ‘kiss of death’ for any commercial venture, in which a wave needs to roll every 10 to 20 seconds.”

Nat, Kanoa, Kelly, and Carissa tear shit apart in the few clips we see. Nat’s barrel is baffling. Carissa shows the thing has enough power and wall to do an actual carve.

But the split-second glimpse we get of Wingnut standing tall after a log pocket ride spoils the dream a tad. Guy’s nearly my size, a reminder that an overhead barrel for Moore is a shoulder high runner to me. Yeah, Young’s pretty tall, by surf standards, but it’s not like I have the flexibility or talent to actually make that fast tiny backside tube.

Still, it’s damn neat, huh? A self contained wave’s been a decades long dream. Unreal we’re almost there.

I’m sure we’ll see a future where these things are common. Landlocked wannabes will be able to live the dream. They’ll take vacations, flood lineups, learn real quick there’s more to surfing than just standing up. We’re gonna see rich kids with season passes tossing kickflips into the flats, stalling sliding into ridiculously long barrels. Then hopping a flight to Hawaii and doing their very best Rick Kane.

They still won’t know how to read the ocean.

Will get their asses kicked the first time they try to paddle out. More than a few people will decide surfing’s more fun when you eliminate the grind, retreat back into the ease of a pool.