Teen single moms pounding warm booze and fist-fighting their own silicon-tit moms!
Wakesurfing looks real fun. But I’ve never tried it. Always lived near the coast. No point in dropping gas money to ride a tiny, if perfect, wave on some disgusting freshwater body.
Used to be a passably decent wakeboarder. That’s fun too. Stopped going when I hit the age people began expecting me to kick in on the aforementioned gas up. Too tough on the knees anyway.
Last time I went was a little over a decade ago. Ran into a buddy who’d just finished fireman school, immediately rushed out and financed a really nice boat. He was headed to the river, I could come along.
Why not? I spent a lot of time during my little boy Summers running around a Colorado River resort where my grandparents own a vacation home. One of those really nice double wide trailer deals. Full on garbage luxury. Many fond memories of stealing beers and fumbling a few knuckles into my fellow unattended teens once the sun went down and the adults were stumbling around semi-conscious.
It was a classy affair. Mainly moneyed SoCal heads who wanted a cheaply maintained weekend getaway. Kind of figured that was the average reality.
River trash are crazy people. Sun scorched nineteen-year-old single moms pounding warm booze then fist fighting their own be-thonged silicone tit mothers. Redneck goons chugging cheap beer and hauling ass through crowded waters. Jet skis smashing into everything. Absolutely fucking terrifying.
Headed into Needles, Arizona on a holiday weekend towing a brand new boat, realized I was dead wrong. River trash are crazy people. Sun-scorched nineteen-year-old single moms pounding warm booze then fist fighting their own be-thonged silicone tit mothers. Redneck goons chugging cheap beer and hauling ass through crowded waters. Jet skis smashing into everything. Absolutely fucking terrifying.
Homeboy thought his new boat would be a real pussy magnet. Which it was. All the gravel-voiced young ladies with premature crow’s feet and bad dye jobs wanted in. Not my scene. I’ve always liked ’em trashy, but you’ve gotta draw a line somewhere.
Three days of white knuckle terror. Captain always hammered. Convinced we were gonna bash into a levy at any moment. Saw a ton of tits, but nothing to write home about. Abandoned a guy at the second worst strip club I’ve ever been to because he was convinced one of the sex workers was into him.
Three days of white knuckle terror. Captain always hammered. Convinced we were gonna bash into a levy at any moment. Saw a ton of tits, but nothing to write home about. Abandoned a guy at the second worst strip club I’ve ever been to because he was convinced one of the sex workers was into him.
Might’ve been true, if he’d had a ton of blow. Which he did not.
Don’t know how he got back to our place. He didn’t remember either.
One of those trips that was miserable at the time, but is pretty funny in retrospect. Swore I’d never go again. Starting to reevaluate that oath.
Video of gorgeous jiggle tits sliding behind a boat helps. And I suspect that all those ladies who looked so nasty in my twenties might look quite a bit better now that I’m creeping toward middle age.
Great rig most definitely – but the awkward style while trying to look good made me want to drown any kook I see doing that!!!
I was bitterly disappointed this chick didn’t climb through the screen and start bouncing on my dick. Her face is probably rude as but still. Fark. Carissa Moore and now this.
Btw thanks for ruining my once afforded hour of spank time with that face.
She doesn’t look too bad in my picture I reckon. I’m trying to sway public opinion. Make her hotter than Alana. It’s all publicity I reckon. That’s the experiment anyway.
While we are on that wanted to run the “alana’s fart jar” in to the shark tank, for only 10.99 + shipping and handling you can get a jarred alana fart and or queef, however one in 100 are actually freestone’s. Keeping things spicy, was it Alan’s? Was it jacks? Who knows….
Alana and I aren’t getting along at the moment.
I must have missed that thread bummer.
Mate I’m with you there on the rig – I was thinking about our commenst re Katy perry so was up there. The Funky jibing though just made me want to slap her though – maybe after she was banged
I love how Rory managed to get a five hundred word intro to that clip.
I would’ve said “here’s some tits to enjoy, boys”
Having a crack at wakesurfing tonight for the first time, keen to see how it goes. I think they’ve got some specialised skim board/wakeboard hybrid for it but I’m taking an old Webber Afterburner to see if you can genuinely surf this wake! Hoping it’s a revelation because summer is a bag of shite
oh the searing disappointment you have coming your way Chazz.
Ha. Don’t worry, I’ve built a shambolic existence around searing disappointments!
It was alright, you know! Pretty good fun to get out on the loch on a sunny Monday night! It’s certainly not surfing, not much room for proper turns, more like constant pumping with a few top taps thrown in. Good way to see how different boards/fins feel though, particularly grovellers. Definitely a decent way to spend summer flat spells with a few beers! And maybe Arizona where Rory went is different, but there ain’t any poor people on boats here!
In all honesty get your board and smash it into a million pieces against the nearest tree. You’ll be so angry you thought it’d be a viable solution to anything. Sit in the boat and drinks loads of beer. Thats what boats are for.
Is there any bigger sign of a kook than wearing a life jacket surfing?
Yeah… A guy walking down the beach with Hypto Kryto under his arm.
Unfortunate reality is you can get a ticket if caught riding behind a boat without one… That’s why they wear ones that have literally the minimum amount of foam to pass the test or w/e to be a certified “life jacket”.
Oh fair play then, didn’t know that. I’ve seen people surf snapper with their big puffy life jacket, getting cleaned up by every set which is what I was thinking of.
river trash….no guns or fireworks or things that just randomly caught fire/exploded? Having trouble believing it was true
Where I’m from it’s not a party until someone gets skulled by a full beer fast ball,heeeyump
ha so true, my few run-ins with river people fireworks have been present each time.