Should Wimbledon take place on cracked public concrete?
Wake up, check my email, Rio ran.
Good, great, grand! Clicked on the analyzer, surf looks kind of fun. I’d paddle out. In those conditions. Not in Rio, where everyone agrees the water is poison.
Well, not everyone. Only scientists and competitors and locals. People looking to earn a buck, the WSL/IOC, they say it’s fine. Don’t worry. You’re far more likely to die from stray gunfire between heats than some crazy waterborne illness.
And, you know, say a pro catches some mystery bug that ruins his body, makes his cock rot off? They’d probably name it after him. That’d be neat.
“I’m sorry to tell you, you’ve got a bad case of Desouzitis.”
“But that is my name, Doctor!”
“I know. I just made it up. Kind of cool, right? Also, your dick is gonna fall off.”
Maybe that’s a bit over the top. I don’t know. I’m not a doctor. I just drive around in a van offering free pap smears. Never actually claim to possess medical training. Not my fault if women assume.
Watched Adriano three tap the first wave of the day for a 6.33. Mel calling it from behind the mic.
“Exciting, electric, fast, crisp. All of those adjectives that describe the type of surfing we see from Adriano. No mistakes whatsoever there. Gets three maneuvers done, I think that’s a great way to start.”
Okay, so that’s how it’s gonna go. The Condor drew turd polishing duty. Term’s never been more literal.
“This is the kind of thing, you know, you would find at your home beach. Right? That’s the kind of wave here. And that’s why it belongs on the tour. I beat on this a lot. I apologize for all you folks in there, you know? Because there’s a lot of people who feel like Brazil shouldn’t be here. But I believe, truly, that this is a part of the year where you get to see what these world’s best would do on a beach break that you have around your house. Right? You’re not gonna have Fiji draining, you’re not gonna have Tahiti in your backyard, you’re not gonna have all, uh, all of these other breaks. You know, J Bay. But you will have something similar to this.”
Good rhetoric. Solid talking point to trot out when the surf sucks. Unfortunate reality of competitive surfing. Waves come or they don’t. Always a chance a stop’ll get skunked.
But, you know, it’s not exactly something to go looking for. If surfing is a real sport, and I guess we’re pretending it is, if the surfers are the best in the world, which I think we can agree that they mostly are, dropping them into the mundane reality of the everyman’s life don’t make much sense.
Should Wimbledon take place on cracked public concrete? Would the NFL ever schedule playoff games at terribly maintained high school fields? Would NBA players be willing to risk their joints on wobbly asphalt? Stake their careers on net-less tilted rims?
Of course not. Because no one wants to see the world’s best compete in average conditions. And the WSL knows that. If they didn’t they’d put far more effort into broadcasting the ‘QS.
Pretending Brazil is ideal, that we tune in for some sort of how-to-surf-slop tutorial is damn disingenuous. We want to see the fantasy. World’s best in the world’s best.
I think we all understand the economic aspirations inherent in the Brazilian leg. Rio’s presence on tour has nothing to do with providing entertaining viewing. Efforts to convince the public otherwise shows just how stupid the WSL thinks we are. Or how little they care whether we like what we see.
Maybe they just think we’ll keep tuning in, regardless of what’s on offer. All the talk is targeted at the non-surfers supposedly watching. Make them think it’s exciting, then it is!
That approach could work, it’s not like they know what they’re looking at. Tested the concept on my wife, the only non-surfer within arm’s reach. Showed her Medina’s ten. Asked what she thought.
“That just looks like one of those whoopity-doos they all do. Is that like technical, or something I’m not aware of?”
Oi Rio Pro Men’s Round 2 Results:
Heat 1: Adriano de Souza (BRA) 13.00 def. Bino Lopes (BRA) 4.96
Heat 2: Deivid Silva (BRA) 14.73 def. Matt Wilkinson (AUS) 14.50
Heat 3: Dusty Payne (HAW) 13.93 def. Julian Wilson (AUS) 11.34
Heat 4: Gabriel Medina (BRA) 19.40 def. Alex Ribeiro (BRA) 7.90
Heat 5: Jack Freestone (AUS) 14.57 def. Jeremy Flores (FRA) 11.77
Heat 6: Matt Banting (AUS) 14.76 def. Kolohe Andino (USA) 14.66
Heat 7: Sebastian Zietz (HAW) 14.33 def. Keanu Asing (HAW) 11.86
Heat 8: Caio Ibelli (BRA) 10.73 def. Jadson Andre (BRA) 10.27
Heat 9: Miguel Pupo (BRA) 13.30 def. Adrian Buchan (AUS) 11.73
Heat 10: Stuart Kennedy (AUS) 14.17 def. Wiggolly Dantas (BRA) 11.44
Heat 11: Kanoa Igarashi (USA) 15.33 def. Josh Kerr (AUS) 13.27
Heat 12: Michel Bourez (PYF) 13.50 def. Conner Coffin (USA) 11.74
Oi Rio Pro Men’s Round 3 Match-Ups:
Heat 1: Filipe Toledo (BRA) vs. Leonardo Fioravanti (ITA)
Heat 2: John John Florence (HAW) vs. Alejo Muniz (BRA)
Heat 3: Nat Young (USA) vs. Dusty Payne (HAW)
Heat 4: Caio Ibelli (BRA) vs. Ryan Callinan (AUS)
Heat 5: Stuart Kennedy (AUS) vs. Davey Cathels (AUS)
Heat 6: Adriano de Souza (BRA) vs. Lucas Silveira (BRA)
Heat 7: Italo Ferreira (BRA) vs. Marco Fernandez (BRA)
Heat 8: Kanoa Igarashi (USA) vs. Miguel Pupo (BRA)
Heat 9: Sebastian Zietz (HAW) vs. Adam Melling (AUS)
Heat 10: Jordy Smith (ZAF) vs. Jack Freestone (HAW)
Heat 11: Michel Bourez (PYF) vs. Matt Banting (AUS)
Heat 12: Gabriel Medina (BRA) vs. Deivid Silva (BRA)
the airshow just won’t die
Funny to read what this goon has to say about quality of waves and entertainment value.
The Australian leg was AWFUL. Bells is unfit for any type of surfing, Snappers is hit or miss and so is MR. Unless you are uneducated or just a plain socialist, you must have realized by now that It is all about the money. It’s called professional surfing for a reason.
And I bet this leg is the most profitable. The coverage of “the flip” alone has paid for the entire event.
Actually the highest grossing event for the WSL is the US Open….worth almost twice as much $$$$ and it’s a shitty QS…..Snapper was still better this year and it sucked, Bells is stupid but the size of the final day made it worth it, and Margerets is fucking stupid……fuck Margerets, and fahkkkkk Rio
So let’s make a deal my nihilistic friend. While you bitch and whine the rest of the world will make an honest buck.
The WSL lose their “honest buck” when they call Rio fun and a good location for a tour event.
Like I said, all you can do is bitch about.
and while i do, what will you be doing? Bitching about my bitching? Seems slightly counterproductive
it’s a lay day and I have nothing better to do
Hey Chupatudo. I don’t think Rory put much praise on the Oz leg either – called it a longboard tour or something.
I surfed Postinho and it’s crap. Have you surfed the Oz waves?
I’m not defending this or that venue.
What i’m saying is that in order to pay for Fiji, Chopes etc I’m pretty sure you gotta have Rio, Portugal, Snappers in the equation. There is no free lunch in the real world. If you want an all-high quality tour you should start working to pay a yearly subscription or outrageous pay per view fees. Which i’m sure most of you cannot afford given your lack of any meaningful income.
That’s the least biased thing you have ever written here. Agree they do need to try and turn a profit somewhere but on online viewer numbers I believe that Brazil was at the bottom end of the scale when Swellnet did the analysis a few years ago. Beach turnout would go some of the way to making up for it though. And yep the best should be able to perform in all conditions.
Maybe you could throw a dog a bone and help the WSL by purchasing a Alex Ribeiro jersey seeing as you have so much more ‘meaningful income’ than most of us slightly more humble Beachgrit readers.
Bravo.
closer to that or a rodeo than a flip
that claim is brutal.
Yeah your right biggest problem is they all gagged surfers and commentary and cant even talk reality
You want that bit of spice, debate and even argument to what is going on – this creates more discussion which is what lacking. Just total sterile environment. That control is what will fuck the WSL up
With you there. And in actual fact how can medina get a 10 where he speed raced across the face before he inverted. Could realistically done some turns first – so he hasn’t made best use wave in reality.
Its all bullshit made even worse when they then try and explain the reasoning
ive never been interested in the Brazil contest. I’m also not interested in medina ever since his tantrums. Also the wsl needs to sort their shit out
The QS doesn’t have the world’s best.
He’s referring to the better waves the ‘qs have been getting man.
No, he’s not. But yes, when you have an Indo comp, whether it’s a CT or a 1*, the waves will probably be good. Not sure why that’s a surprise.
I’m most turned off by the fact that the WSL think they can just casually slip a knee boarder into the commentary team. I can’t imagine Rio being any more appealing a destination for commentators than it is for surfers, but a knee boarder? Really? Are Blakey & Ross conscientious objectors? I demand answers!
I almost wrote the same thing, but decided to watch some videos of him first.
Honestly, his shit’s pretty impressive. I’ve never understood the appeal but the guy really knows what he’s doing.
Don’t make me draw a skating comparison, Rory!
I’ll do it!
He’s like Jeff Budroe.
You wanna talk shit, but you can’t deny he’s got skills.
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
He’s basically purpose built to take Rowley’s place next time Street League goes to Rio.
Ugh no, what skills? Sector 9? Ew!!!
Fuck this movie makes me mad. Do you have any idea how much avocados cost in Australia?
Not a backflip and the WSL is pumping it because they are desperate to lure back audiences outside of Brazil. Rio is a fucking fail no matter how you look at it.
Unless you win it, then it’s just as good as Snapper, Bells or West Oz.
all shitty locations.
You guys have spent the last two weeks comparing surf to skate. Well this is the sketchy little DIY spot behind the factory made with pallets and quick-set concrete. I don’t mind it.
No, this is the equivalent of some shitty public park the city council hired a keyed-in local contractor to build. The kind where all the lines flow into dead ends and they didn’t build anything over three feet because of liability reasons but everyone still has to wear full pads and they call the cops at the sight of an open beer.
wah.
Dear Rory parker, some articles here are starting to sound like a kid crying and crying for the same thing cuz the parents are not listening. You’ve already said that Brazil does not deserve to have an event on tour, I’m brazzo, I live 15 minutes from Postinho, I didn’t go there cuz i don’t give a shit, crap waves don’t show me what those guys are capable. But, don’t forget, You’ve already said that. I myself do agree. But You’ve already said enough. I loaded BeachGrit website to check if you commented something about the first backflip ever landed in a competition and you came with the same article that you already wrote a dozen of times?!?!?! Sorry man, stop act like a spoiled kid and do the marketing basics, delivery to your audience what they want. Just check what @skyerichard:disqus posted below.
I’m honored. But keep in mind i pretty much hate everything so don’t hold to much on what I think more a critic of the WSL than your country,or it’s surfers. As a shaper I’ve got real life concerns like imports and angry millionaires who think my wood finned quads suck, it’s evenly spread.
Yes, I told this bitch the same thing a couple of days ago.
Wake man, change the record. It’s broken and I’m pretty sure it’s been running the same track for over 5 years now.
that was a nice backflip
Pretty sure Medina still stomped-the-hell out of a back flip in a competition where they’re judging who surfs best in the conditions on hand.
Feel free to email me prompts at [email protected].
But somebody did a Backflip! Boom, worth it. New gillete ad next week.
Do you think if I Gillette my chest and arm pits I’ll be able to back flip too?
Jes!