The WSL's Strider Wasilewski had everything. Apparently everything wasn't enough.
Son of a bitch Strider Wasilewski. Son of a goddamn bitch. You’ve got everything. Attack dog tits that make even the most pumped up jail yard convict green with envy. Traveling the world with the five best friends that anyone could ever have (Joe, Ron-Dog, Pottz, Ross and Pete). Your home is an architectural masterpiece nestled in Malibu’s Point Dume. Your company, Shade sunscreen, is seeing triple digit growth.
But apparently “everything” wasn’t enough.
Son of a motherfucking bitch.
You had to go off and steal my girl’s look.
I’ve been modeling myself off Ellen DeGeneres’s style for the better part of my adult life. The blonde hair mussed just so. That natty, WASPy style. Quick mouth. Funky dancing. Shining personality. She was my guiding light. My north star.
But in one quick swoop you knocked me off my perch. I am no longer surfing’s Ellen DeGeneres. That honor belongs to you.
I hope you can sleep tonight.
But if you can’t would you mind me asking a quick question?
Can I maybe be your Portia de Rossi?
Just think of the figure we’d cut on red carpets around the world. Oh sure your five best friends that anyone could ever have would burn with jealousy but they probably already do (your tits are truly phenomenal). We’d be the toast of Malibu!
Just think about it?
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Or Proctors not so evil twin I always thought.
im just glad you accept and embrace the fact you are Ellen’s gay son. I always felt you didn’t want to be associated with ellen but you have finally come to terms with it. thank you for the closure.
Ummm when have I not embraced it? I wrote it in my damned book for crying out loud.
Quality with a capital q
excellent.
Well haven’t we moved on very quickly from Pauls Speakers PA to Strider’s special new friend!!!
Need to commit to the new job 100% – can’t just change on a whim!!
That’s a pretty hot look for a closeted Catholic school English teacher from suburban Philadelphia.
I know you can’t script this, but fuck, the WSL dress code sure looks like a page from the Sacred Heart of the Blessed Sacrament of the Divine Word Academy student manual.
Strider doing his best thug life impersonation and looking like my bulldog’s ass.