Like everyone, I was held in a trance by the
Dane Reynolds film Chapter 11. Somewhere between a burnt
marriage and a greasy kitchen and choosing between maybe cleaning
the house or smashing snails on the porch and watching a surf
movie, well, what are you going to do?
But running under the cuts and swings of the 31-year-old
Reynolds was a soundtrack that was cerebral, frail, brutal and
sad. Best soundtrack in a surf movie ever? Yeah, maybe it is.
How would the world champion fare, three days in a tent
in the icy wilderness with the noted Rory Parker? | Photo:
@liebervision
Parker: “My Top 10 Power Rankings!”
By Rory Parker
Based on how much I'd like to share a tent in the
wilderness with each man…
John John’s king of 2016, Pipe don’t matter this
year. It’s both good and bad. Great to see
double-John snag the crown he so deserves, so early in his ‘CT
career. But it’s always great to see the title race come down
the wire. Gotta make that heat in heavy left hand barrels! Nail
biter finish, everything on the line. A year’s worth of effort
undone at the last minute.
So power rankings are kind of pointless.
No one else can win, a minor shuffle on the leaderboard affects
some seeds next year, but that’s it. Shit’s still important for the
guys on the bottom. Poor Callinan is sitting behind Fiorvanti, a
three-event only wildcard. But I can’t wrap my head around
the whole ‘QS-points-while-on-the-‘CT qualifier deal. I deal in
words. Numbers are cold and sterile and I do not like them very
much.
Derek tossed out the idea of doing a one-word power ranking
thing. Which seemed like a fun challenge. I’ll do it without the
use of a thesaurus!
Except…shit… that’s way harder than I expected. Instead, here’s
my Top 10 Power Rankings based on how much I’d like to spend an icy
winter three-day weekend sharing a tent far into the wilderness
with each fella.
John John Florence: John’s from Hawaii,
and that should make him relatively comfortable outdoors. But
camping isn’t much of a thing on Oahu. Sure, you can drive down to
Kahana Bay and pitch a tent next to your car, but campfires aren’t
allowed and you’re a stone’s throw from Kam highway. Hardly the
great outdoors.
But it doesn’t really matter. I’d promptly build him a throne
from gathered twigs, fashion a crown from bits of bark, and spend
my days fulfilling his every whim. Not in a sexual way. At least,
not unless he was really into it. In that case, who am I to refuse
our young emperor?
Adriano de Souza:Hard-working,
blue-collar Brazilian man, ADS would be chopping down trees for
shelter and trapping varmints for dinner. Conversations would be
lacking, but the meaningful glances across the crackling fire would
more than make up for the deficit.
Joel Parkinson: Very mature, like camping
with your dad. He’d set up shop, immediately put the site in order,
crack a beer the moment that was done. Not sober up until the end
of the trip, but fill our days with boozy wisdom I’d take to my
grave.
Matt Wilkinson: New-fangled, hard-working
Wilko would be a drag at first. Quiet and serious. Doing pull-ups
from low hanging branches and jogging down the trail each morning.
But once the sun sets and the temp drops I’d pull out a bottle of
peach schnapps, coax him into a sniff or three, and watch the good
times come rolling out.
Julian Wilson:More or less useless
while the sun is shining. But that’s okay. Once we’re in the tent,
sleeping bags zipped together, running my fingers through his curly
blonde locks, I’d be in for a snuggle buddy heaven the likes of
which I’ve only dreamt.
Eventually me and Jordy would be caught in a quiet moment,
his facade would crack, and everything would come tumbling out.
Crying, oversharing, setting free demons best left unsaid. We’d
either end up loving each other, or never speak again. Maybe some
sick combination of the two.
Gabriel Medina:I’m not sure
whether Gabe would be good company or bad. But I do know that it’d
get really uncomfortable the first time I catch Charlie peering at
us from the bushes.
Jordy Smith:Not really sure about
this one. He’d be useful, no doubt. Put his big frame to work
chopping wood, help scare off any bears looking to steal your
picnic baskets. But eventually we’d be caught in a quiet moment,
his facade would crack, and everything would come tumbling out.
Crying, oversharing, setting free demons best left unsaid. We’d
either end up loving each other, or never speak again. Maybe some
sick combination of the two.
Filipe Toledo:Filipe would get
homesick his first night, spend hours in tears because he misses
his wife and child. But he next morning it’d be out of his
system and he’d spend the day cavorting in the wilderness. Climbing
trees, poking stuff with a stick. It might get tiresome keeping an
eye on him. “No, Filipe! I told you not to eat those berries!”
Kelly Slater: Late-night scary stories
about chemtrails and other government conspiracies. Make you shiver
with fear and delight. But when you wake in terror, startled and
crying out, he’d wrap those arms around you, put that bald dome
next to yours, and lull you back into a peaceful slumber.
Kolohe Andino:Three days of utter
hell. Bitching about insects, waving his phone in the air and
crying there’s no reception. Tempers would flare, he stalk off into
the woods. I’d feel bad for yelling, whip up a batch of hot cocoa,
try to build a chance to do some solid bonding.
Loading comments...
Load Comments
0
De Souza, five years ago, almost brought the whole
enterprise down. Adriano was to claiming what Toby Keith is to
country-western music. You just wanted to cut him out like a cancer
so the body could heal. There is nothing inherently wrong with
claiming. It’s like bad words. There are no bad words, just bad
usage. What Adriano did in the name of “passion,” which in fact
meant “throw me an extra .5 for this high-intermediate NSSA
end-section reverse” was usage so horrible that it put a cloud over
all claiming. A hundred thousand joyous and innovative claims died
in utero from 2010 to around 2013. That’s on Adriano. Who, by the
way, de-claimed his act a couple years back like the champion he
is. | Photo: WSL
“How Adriano (nearly) killed claims!”
By Derek Rielly
"You just wanted to cut him out like a cancer so
the body could heal," says Matt Warshaw.
What’s your take on claims? You like
’em?
Who started the game? And who almost killed the “whole
enterprise”?
BeachGrit: I believe that claiming has become a
beautiful art within professional surfing. Jordy, I think, is
the master, his Christ the Reedemer or his Humble Butler bow
are highlights. Do you have a current
favourite?
Warshaw: A claim these days, even a good one, will breeze past
me until it hits Twitter, then it maybe gets fun. Better yet, if
the claim is worthy you naming it. So like, Jordy’s little
from-the-waist bow was worth a smile when it happened live, then a
pretty full-throated chortle when I read “Humble Butler.”
Whose are the worst, in your opinion? Do you like it
when seven-point rides are claimed,
for instance?
De Souza, five years ago, almost brought the whole enterprise
down. Adriano was to claiming what Toby Keith is to country-western
music. You just wanted to cut him out like a cancer so the body
could heal. There is nothing inherently wrong with claiming. It’s
like bad words. There are no bad words, just bad usage. What
Adriano did in the name of “passion,” which in fact meant “throw me
an extra .5 for this high-intermediate NSSA end-section reverse”
was usage so horrible that it put a cloud over all claiming. A
hundred thousand joyous and innovative claims died in utero from
2010 to around 2013. That’s on Adriano. Who, by the way, de-claimed
his act a couple years back like the champion he is.
De Souza, five years ago, almost brought the whole enterprise
down. Adriano was to claiming what Toby Keith is to country-western
music. You just wanted to cut him out like a cancer so the body
could heal.
Someone raised a good point the other day. John John
claimed the hell out of his waves at Teahupoo. If Gabriel does
it, cruel people on internet forums become apoplectic. Why is
it okay for John but not for Gabriel?
The subtle and not-so-subtle forms of racism in surfing — let’s
save that for another conversation. John earned the world title
this year, no question, no doubt. But for sure, among some JJF
supporters, there’s a whiff of Make the WSL Great
Again.
The surfer who doesn’t claim an amazing wave – I pity them.
You’ve either ridden so many incredible waves that you’re numb to
the experience, or your claiming by not claiming which is bullshit.
Possibly unhealthy, like holding down a sneeze.
Historically, when did claims begin and who birthed
them?
Patient Zero, you’d have to go with either Greg Noll or Ricky
Grigg in the late fifties, early sixties. Ricky loved bullfighting
and would go to Tijuana to watch the blood and gore, and he picked
up this toreador move where you raise both hands up and throw the
head back. Very dramatic. Sexy. Two-thirds Manolete, one-third
Fay Wray. Greg Noll, meanwhile, was claiming just by wearing
black-and-white-striped jailbird trunks. Then he had this move
where, after making a huge drop at Sunset or hitting the channel at
Pipe, he’d make this whippy little cowboy motion with his right
hand, like “Git along little doggies!” It was faster and most
subtle than Grigg’s arms-overhead move. And funnier. Ricky claimed
first, Noll claimed best.
How do they make you feel as a surfer and as the man who
cradles the very culture in his bosom?
The surfer who doesn’t claim an amazing wave – I pity them.
You’ve either ridden so many incredible waves that you’re numb to
the experience, or your claiming by not claiming which is bullshit.
Possibly unhealthy, like holding down a sneeze.
Do you agree, that if used sparingly, Slater for
instance (the nose wipe after a nine-plus barrel), they can turn
that nine five into a ten? That even judges can sometimes
be overwhelmed by a moment.
It’d have an effect, sure. Not at the six or seven point level,
but up there in the nines, yeah, I do think the judges are
probably, maybe unconsciously, looking for a sign, for permission,
to nudge the score. Or maybe it’s almost more like, if the
surfer doesn’t claim, the judge will be a little confused
and keep the score a half-point lower than if the claim had come as
expected.
Have you ever automatically claimed a ride? A barrel?
And can you describe your emotional well-being afterwards?
Shame?
Again, it’s usage. I have a little clip of myself coming out of
a longish but not stupendous barrel in Mexico, right before sunset,
and I grab my head with both hands in amazement. For that I am very
ashamed. But a couple of other claims of mine, more in the Wayne
Bartholomew mode, some minor hand-jive and such, I’m totally good
with.
Loading comments...
Load Comments
0
Surfing is still new to Taiwan, an island of 23 million
off the east coast of China. Fewer than 100 people make a living
out of surfing. A high rate of drowning deaths has helped create
nationwide trepidation but analysts say the aversion to water has
cultural and political roots going back to the island’s tempestuous
relationship with China. Jonathan Spangler, from the Asia Pacific
Policy Research Association in the Taiwanese capital, Taipei says:
“In the education system here it’s taught that swimming in the
ocean is dangerous, don’t go swimming.” | Photo:
surfingtaiwan.com
Travel: A terrified surf paradise!
By Chas Smith
Tired of crowds? Come visit an island where the
people are afraid of the water!
It’s the long Thanksgiving weekend in America
and if you live here you well know that boredom begins its
operational creep around midday Friday. There is only so much day
drinking a man can do before sluggishness takes over. Football,
eat, drink, shop. Fat.
Gluttony.
Next Thanksgiving I’m going to go on a surf trip. But where? I’m
over crowds. I’m so tired of bobbing humanity’s bathtub next to
people n shit. So where?
Where?
Maybe the Republic of China also known as sweet Taiwan!
The World Surf League is on standby there right now and of
course I am not paying attention because it is a measly 1500,
whatever the hell that is.
But I should be!
Because apparently everyone in Taiwan is afraid of the ocean and
nobody can swim. Let’s read about it in this morning’s
Guardian!
Set against a backdrop of lush green mountains sweeping down
to a Pacific ocean swell, the village of Jinzun Harbour reminds
some surfers of old-school Hawaii.
It is quite a claim to make about this quiet fishing
community, and not just because it has only a nascent surfing
scene. This village is in Taiwan, an island nation that for
generations has had an unusual fear of the sea.
Yet last week Jinzun came alive as more than 200 surfers
arrived to compete in Taiwan’s fifth Open of Surfing, a World Surf
League qualifying series event with a $50,000 prize purse.
Riding the waves under grey, stormy skies, international
competitors described the surf as world-class, its optimum swells
created by seasonal typhoons.
On shore, tent stalls offered mouth-watering fried fish and
aboriginal millet wine beside the palm-fringed fishing
harbour.
As rain swept down over the mountains on the opening day,
barefoot, sun-bleached Californian surfers mingled with bemused
locals in raincoats.
Dancers in the traditional dress of the indigenous Amis
tribe greeted the competitors with lively songs and a blessing
ceremony. The crowd of spectators was small and convivial, with
local families bringing their children to enjoy the
performance.
The contest concludes on Sunday and is viewed as an
excellent warm-up event for the longboard championship in Hainan,
China, in December.
Surfing is still new to Taiwan, an island of 23 million off
the east coast of China. Fewer than 100 people make a living out of
surfing.
A high rate of drowning deaths has helped create nationwide
trepidation but analysts say the aversion to water has cultural and
political roots going back to the island’s tempestuous relationship
with China.
Jonathan Spangler, from the Asia Pacific Policy Research
Association in the Taiwanese capital, Taipei says: “In the
education system here it’s taught that swimming in the ocean is
dangerous, don’t go swimming.”
Dr Francis Hu, head of political science at Tunghai
university, Taichung, explains that for decades, post-second world
war Taiwan had also restricted access to the coastline for security
reasons.
And can you believe this sweet gem? Apparently half of the
population can’t swim.
That’s all I need to know. Next year I’ll be eating chow mein
instead of that damned turkey. And surfing all by my sweet
self.
Says the stud on the left: This may sound cheesy but
just knowing how much joy a surfboard can bring to people
individually and how that can actually spread to all the people
around them. I know I'm a better husband, a better dad, and just a
better person in general if I go for a surf every day. Surfers are
tapped into something magical, something that can be a really
positive force, so I'm just stoked to be a part of that in other
peoples' lives.
Now: Very Good Advice from Jon Pyzel!
By Derek Rielly
Concerning the important matter of your next
surfboard…
Just as Matt Biolos has handled Kolohe Andino’s surfboard
requirements for twenty years, Pyzel has been making John
John’s boards since the kid was five.
With that sorta team rider, and his own skills in the green, you
know Pyzel is probably worth listening to in the matter of
surfboard design. I wanted to hear what sorta advice he has for an
average-to-pretty good surfer who might be a little lost in the
wilderness for boards.
This interview took place between Bondi Beach, Sydney, and
Pyzel’s factory in Waialua on Oahu.
BeachGrit: What’s the absolute best advice you could
give someone who might be little lost, a little stuck between
boards?
Jon Pyzel: I’d say take a look at what you’ve been riding and make
a departure from that towards something a little different, branch
out. Wherever I am I notice what boards people are riding and I’ll
see a guy just struggling to catch waves on some old
high-performance shortboard and I always feel like I want to tell
them that surfing could be so much more fun if they would just try
something different, a little stubbier, more volume, flatter. I
feel bad for those guys ’cause they are missing out and they don’t
even know it.
What questions should a surfer ask his
shaper?
The first and most important thing you should ask anyone willing to
make you a good surfboard is “What kind of beer do you like”?
Beyond that I’d say you shouldn’t have to ask much, but rather
supply your shaper with information that can help him help you:
Your actual weight (not what you want to weigh, or what you are
planning to weigh in a few months).
Your actual ability (no one wants to say they kind of suck, but if
you make me think you rip I’m gonna make you a more refined
board).
What type of waves you will be surfing this particular board in.
Fat, slow waves require a completely different design than fast,
hollow waves.
What characteristics you want the board to have (drive, speed, easy
turning, hold, glide, snappiness). Shaping a surfboard is a balance
of give and take that can be tailored to fit anyone’s needs.
And you wanna ask, “Do you take credit cards?” You know you
want two boards and you probably don’t have the cash, so
you’ll want to throw down the plastic.
How about this: I always think a stable platform and a
flat entry rocker are essentials for the average guy. What are your
thoughts?
I agree completely, but like I said before, I am shocked at how
many average surfers try to ride boards designed for
high-performance. The boards you are talking about do not
necessarily limit performance if you can surf pretty good, and they
will help get you surfing better by allowing you to catch more
waves, and ride them with ease. If you surf well you can ride those
type of boards pretty short and rip on them, but if you are less
experienced you can go a bit longer, wider, thicker and it will be
beneficial.
Speaking of that, as much as literage is important, the
ease of riding a low-rockered board must play into the equation, I
think. Do you?
”Literage” is something that people tend to give too much
importance too when considering what they need in a surfboard. “I
like 27.5 liters” doesn’t mean much unless I know what sort of
design you are talking about. I will use that info to help decide
how thick and wide your boards should be, but it’s not a magic
number that you can use across the board when thinking about
different designs. Low rockers are faster and often more stable,
which plays well with a lower surfing ability or just shitty surf.
I’d say you could go so far as to match rocker to ability (not
accounting for wave type). Lower ability equals lower rocker, high
ability equals high rocker.
Unless you’re a real odd body, are customs necessary any
more?
I feel like you can get a really good board right off the rack and
that a lot of people love being able to pick up a board and decide
if it’s gonna be the one for them. You can go straight to the beach
and get that instant gratification we all love. On the other side,
I know that there is something really special about figuring out
what you want, maybe talking it through with someone who knows
about boards and putting in that custom order. You have to wait,
usually just a little longer then we tell you, and you have that
excitement of knowing someone is making exactly what you dreamed
up! I know that I can grab boards straight off the the racks at our
factory and love them but I would definitely be ordering customs if
I didn’t make them for myself. I just love that wait, that time
when you know someone is making you a new board. It’s better than
Christmas for me.
I know I’m a better husband, a better dad, and just a better
person in general if I go for a surf every day. Surfers are tapped
into something magical, something that can be a really positive
force, so I’m stoked to be a part of that in other peoples’
lives.
How does age difference play into board design. A guy in
his thirties has a different approach to a kid who’s fifteen. Given
an equal ability and size, how would you make each guy’s
board?
Probably has more to do with how often the guy is surfing than how
old he is. A 15 year old is usually gonna get in the water more
than a 30 year old, so he’s gonna need a little less board. It’s
more about fitness and froth than it would be about age.
What has been the most profound thing you’ve learned
about surfboards as a shaper?
This may sound cheesy, but I think just knowing how much joy a
surfboard can bring to people individually, and how that can
actually spread to all the people around them. I know I’m a better
husband, a better dad, and just a better person in general if I go
for a surf every day. Surfers are tapped into something magical,
something that can be a really positive force, so I’m just stoked
to be a part of that in other peoples’ lives.
(Now let’s watch Jon and John shaped together!)
Loading comments...
Load Comments
0
Jon Pyzel and Matt Biolos by
@theneedforshutterspeed/Step Bros
