At four pm Craig sees a little nugget. A small
wave with a lip that, he knows, will pitch fiercely. He strokes in,
no problem, curls his back a touch, no problem and sees the lip
pitch right over his head. But the section that pitches is too
much. He has time to enjoy the inside of the tube before stepping
off his board. One of a million closeout barrels in his life.
But somehow, underwater, in the turbulence, his board shoots at
him like a missile. An out of control projectile. It shoots at him
maliciously, intending to cause pain. Through the water. It hits
Craig, hard, right in the rib. Right underneath his right pectoral
and below-ish his arm pit. It hits him with such force that the
wind is punched from his lung. Not content with just sticking his
rib, the board cuts up toward his armpit and the gets carried, by
water and air, in another direction.
Craig surfaces, gasping. He can’t catch his breath. He fears the
worst. Maybe major internal damage. Maybe he’ll die. He tugs his
board over and looks at it. From the way it hurt, the nose must
have speared him. He quickly examines the nose but sees it still in
tact. Thankfully no sets come in.
Ollie, Craig’s friend, sees that he is struggling and paddles
over. “What’s the matter?” Craig can barely respond, “Hey?” And
Ollie repeats. “My fucken board just tried to kill me. I think I’m
really hurt.” Craig slides himself on board and tries to paddle. It
hurts to badly to raise his right arm. He can’t even lift it much
less paddle. Craig hoists himself, with left arm, into sitting
position. He hunches over to the right. It hurts too much to sit
straight. Ollie goes to have a look. He can see a small tear in the
wetsuit. He shrugs.
Craig says again, “I think I am hurt badly.”
Ollie tells him it doesn’t look bad but also can’t really see.
“What happened?” “I paddled for that little wedgy thing and it
closed out. Somehow in the tube my board, like, speared me. I’m
hurt.” Ollie shrugs again. A set appears and the first wave breaks
far outside. Craig lays down and lets the whitewash take him into
shore. As soon as he can he stands and limps the rest of the way to
dry sand, dragging his board.
Matt, Craig’s filmer, can see something wrong immediately. Craig
takes a while to resurface and then, Matt can see through his
viewfinder, checks something on his board. Maybe he broke his
board? But the way Craig dawdles, then gets up. The way Ollie comes
over, Matt reckons Craig is hurt. Maybe ankle on the last air? He
can see Craig making his way in so leaves his post and trots down
the beach. Down toward where Craig is exiting the ocean. Thirty
more minutes and the light would have been absolutely perfect.
Absolutely.
When he is a few meters from Craig he calls out, “What’d you do?
Tweak your ankle?” Craig is walking up the sand with a dazed look
on his face. Less walking more stumbling. He is holding his board
under his left arm, backwards, and brushing the hair out of his
eyes, gingerly, with his left. He is hunched and keeps looking back
toward the ocean. Toward whatever, maybe, hurt him.
He doesn’t hear Matt so responds with a sort of pained, breathy,
“Hey?” Matt repeats. “Did you tweak your ankle?” A smile spreads
across Craig’s face. “I’m happy to be alive. My board just fucken
stabbed me.”
Matt asks. “Where?”
Chuckling a little bit. Craig points with his right arm to a
place on the right side of his torso. “Here.” And laughs some more.
“That really hurt, eh.”
Matt looks closely and sees a small tear in the wetsuit and a
piece of flesh poking through. It looks a little scratched, bloody,
but he can’t tell from such a small window if there is real damage.
He asks, “Do you have a bruised rib?” Craig, looking back at the
ocean, swaying back and forth, says, “Oyy. I don’t know. I’m lucky
I have ribs. It would’ve stabbed m’ heart…”
He takes a deep breath in and exhales through pursed lips. “…I
can’t even move m’ arm.” His face is shifting between amused smirk
and genuine pain. Eh eh oooh. Matt asks, “Did it happen in that
last barrel?” Craig answers, “Yeah that wasn’t fun. Yeah, like ah
pulled into the closeout and then….” He pulls his lips tight and
bobs his head a bit. His eyes are still only fixed on the surf.
“…m’ board decided to stab me.”
Craig stares at the ocean longer. He is quiet. Then he says,
“Ahhh action sports.” And, “Fuck you wettie.”
For the first time in forever, Slater enters all
three Triple Crown events…
You ever wonder why Kelly Slater hasn’t had a real swing
at the Hawaiian Triple Crown in close to twenty years?
I mean, how many times do you have to listen to surfers and
commentators say the Triple Crown means as much as a world title to
not be piqued by the thought: if it’s so important, where’s Slater?
Isn’t his entire existence based around winning? Every record, he
owns: youngest/oldest world champ, most contest wins, etc.
But, if you want to compare the thirty-two-year history of
Triple Crown titles, well, examine this…
Sunny Garcia: 6
Derek Ho: 4
Andy Irons: 4
Joel Parkinson: 3
Mike Ho: 2
John John Florence: 2
Kelly Slater: 2
The greatest surfer has two Triple Crowns, the last one eighteen
years ago? Equal fifth of all time? Doesn’t that smart just a
little?
Yesterday, BeachGrit reader Matt Siemienski wrote:
Over the years I have tried to figure out why in the hell
doesn’t Kelly compete in the Triple Crown. But first
let me explain a little about myself and hopefully provide some
context.
I was raised on the Gulf Coast of Florida. I’m 41, a big
Slater fan, have been for many many years. I’m no hater. I’ve also
lived on Oahu for the last 11 years.
Most of that time, I asked others why they think that the
best and ultra competitive surfer hasn’t competed in the
TC.
Nobody has ever provided an answer, or at least a juicy
enough one. The best I’ve got was that he has already won it. Or
that he sucks at Sunset. Needless to say, I don’t think that’s the
answer. Slater has been very aware of his standing in our historic
annuals. Why pass on something he would have been a favorite at
most years. Especially in the years where the title was out of
reach before coming to Oahu.
Somehow I think Sunny had something to do with it. Haha.
J/K
I did read something about how weird it was for Slater to be
hanging around JJF so much as he was being crowned the champ. I
didn’t see it but the guy wrote something along the lines of
Slater “not allowing JJF all the glory”. I’m keen enough to know
that whatever that guy wrote, he may just be being a hater. Then
again, why is Kelly finally getting around to commuting to the TC
again?
Maybe it wasn’t Sunny, instead the Hui telling Slates to let
some others have some glory. Fuck, I don’t know. What have you
heard? Or think? Or even care?
It’s a good point.
And made sharper when Slater, who missed the cut-off for entries
into the Hawaiian Pro and had to be gifted a wildcard, scratched
his sword all over Haleiwa, looking better than anyone.
Of course, Kelly didn’t make much of a deal of it.
In a pre-heat interview, he kinda aw-shucked, said he was
inspired by Dusty Payne and Julian Wilson’s performances last year,
and that he hadn’t been around for years ’cause the last time he
had to surf in dribbly lefts (in 2012).
Yeah? Really?
Is Slater, who says he’ll retire after a final hit at the world
title in 2017, throwing his weight around ’cause he wants to snatch
the limelight, in much the same way he did last year
with Adriano’s world title?
Or is it a longer game?
With the tour wrapped in 2017, Slater retires to Hawaii, with
the aim of stealing seven Triple Crowns.
Obviously, I got crickets when I called Slater half-a-dozen
times.
Bullying is predicated on the notion that the
victim won't hit back.
Sweet lord jeebus, how terrible is Orange
County?
How have I not seen this video before? Superb comic relief. HB
shitbag shit-talker getting his ass handed to him at the US Open.
It’s all there. Scraggly hair, terrible tattoos, male tramp stamp
that reads, “Faith.”
Certain in his safety, his Republican bastion right to bully
those around him. Utterly dumbfounded when it comes time to pay for
his actions. Immediately, literally, pointing the finger at others.
Blaming them for his own idiocy.
Talks tough, throws the first wild punch, can’t back his shit
up. Ends up in cuffs because he wants to play Mr Heavy Local while
his shitty beach break plays host to a million inland invaders.
A total product of his environment. Faux tough-guy demeanor,
running his mouth at full speed. Certain in his safety, his
Republican bastion right to bully those around him. Utterly
dumbfounded when it comes time to pay for his actions. Immediately,
literally, pointing the finger at others. Blaming them for his own
idiocy.
We’re finally through our appalling election, the idiots who put
an orange freak in power are reveling in their win. It seems
they’ve already forgotten the rhetoric they employed, the utter
destruction of basic decency they embraced in order to sell their
nonsense taking points.
Just like this no doubt born-again off and on addict who picked
a fight, they’re gonna be shocked when people stop playing nice.
Bullying is predicated on the notion that the victim won’t hit
back. Nothing will be more gratifying than the shocked expression
on their faces when they learn that, not only is it no longer the
case, their supposed protectors don’t give two shits about
them.
Surfing is the damndest dance. We each of us
love it so and also each of us mostly want to do it alone. Oh how
crowds in the water rankle! It’s a good thing we don’t run
tourist boards/state economies etc. because everyone would go
broke. Giant signs would be plastered outside of phenomenal breaks
with the words “Go Home!”
Thankfully for its state’s coffers, the Hawaiian Tourism
Authority don’t care ’bout nuthin’ but greenbacks/yen and are set
to ride surfing’s inclusion into the Olympics toward riches! Let’s
read about in the the Star-Advertiser!
Hawaii is trying to bring in more tourists by taking
advantage of surfing’s elevation to Olympic sport status.
The Hawaii Tourism Authority usually spends most of its $9.1
million sports budget on land-based events, but will start to focus
on surfing and water sports as the games approach, according to
Leslie Dance, the agency’s vice president for marketing and product
development.
The agency is working with New York-based Ascendent Sports
Group to develop sports marketing for 2017-2018. Ascendent has a
$200,000 contract with HTA.
HTA’s marketing contractor, Hawaii Tourism Japan, will also
ask Japan’s Olympic Committee to allow surfing to be highlighted in
the opening ceremony.
“It would be a great honor to bring all the surfers from all
the teams together to celebrate the first time that surfing has
been involved in the Olympics,” said Eric Takahata, managing
director for HTJ. “We also want the members of the U.S. team,
whoever they may be, to carry the message that surfing was born in
Hawaii. We don’t know who will be on the U.S. surfing team, but
we’re hoping that it will have a Hawaii presence either through the
coach or a team member.”
HTA wanted Hawaii to host the Olympic surfing trials, but
the team members might be selected by a point system instead, Dance
said.
And wait just a second… does that last line…
“We also want the members of the U.S. team, whoever they may
be, to carry the message that surfing was born in Hawaii. We don’t
know who will be on the U.S. surfing team, but we’re hoping that it
will have a Hawaii presence either through the coach or a team
member.”
…sound a little like a threat? Or a lot like a threat? If there
is no Hawaiian surfer on team USA will there be a broken face
somewhere?
Oh, the channel bottom is the most beautiful thing
on earth. How about we demystify it?
Did you hear? Channel bottoms
are…back. Mason Ho rode a six-seven with
four-channels at last week’s Sunset contest, used the board in
every heat, and won the event.
Meanwhile, Dan Thompson, the Firewire/Slater Designs
guy who made the magic Sci-Fi for Stu Kennedy at
Snapper, engineers his high-tech shapes with channels
through the tail.
So how much do you know about the aesthetically sexy,
if misunderstood, design? I rode one of ’em for years, a six-ish
foot, six-channel bottom from Allan Byrne, the most famous from the school of deep
channels. Used it for a year, and nothing else,
while living on a beach in France. Two foot, six foot. Whatever. I
liked it. Fast. A feeling of security and grip and power in turns,
sturdy as a sailor in the tube. Maybe it was the shape, maybe it
was the channels. Real hard to decipher unless you’re making
identical boards, one with a flat bottom, the other channelled.
Recently, the San Clemente-based shaper Matt “Mayhem”
Biolos brought out a line of channel bottoms, a gorgeous little Baby Buggy with curved
channels. I figure he knows enough about the game,
about what is faddish, and what works, to explain, and maybe
demystify, the ancient design.
BeachGrit: How about explaining,
for a lot of surfers who grew up riding concaves, what a channel
bottom actually is?
Biolos: Well, first, I’m
gonna refrain from the knockdown, dragged-out history of channel
bottoms. This is no encyclopedic nor overly technical
hydrodynamic/aerodynamic explanation.
I’m gonna keep it simple.
Channels are a design tool to cut paths for water and
air to pass quickly, with forced direction, though the bottom
curves of a surfboard. Similar to concaves, of course, but more
dramatic and usually more focused. On a macro level, there tends to
be be two styles of channels. Belly
channels, which don’t exit the tail and are usually set
forward of the fin cluster and tail
channels which start just forward of the fins and run the
length of the tail, usually, but not always, exiting though the
tail of the board. Let me explain, one by one.
1. Belly channels were popular in the
eighties, before boards transitioned to using concave hulls from
vee bottoms. These boards tended to sit lower in the water and the
vee could drag in small surf so, looking for lift and planing in
lacklustre surf, shapers started cutting channels through hull the
board, between the feet, to help direct the flow of water, and air,
through the rocker and vee of the board.
These belly channels were cut into boards in myriad of
ways and sort of died out with the popularity of full concave
bottoms in surfboards during the early nineties. Why? The concave
cut through the rocker in a much more radical and effective way.
Very recently, and with no really noticeable, recent precedence,
DHD went and started cutting belly channels into some boards for
Mick Fanning. I assume they were trying to allow Mick to keep a lot
of central curve in small wave rockers and get a bit at once speed
and squirt through them. It seemed to work, as he won J-Bay on
one.
2. The tail channels were really popular in
the late eighties and early nineties. “Deep Six” channels cut
up to 1/2” deep and exiting the tail, with radical wings cut into
the outline in their wake. In our corner of the world, southern
Californi, they were a huge fad, popularized by the local hero of
heroes, Matt Archbold. He came home from Australia with some of
these boards shaped by, I think, Terry “Richo” Richardson. The late Al Byrne
gets a lot of credit for his work shaping, and his personal surfing
performance on these types of boards, but in San Clemente, it was
all about Archy, and Timmy Patterson, who made an art of shaping
them. We all followed suit with vigour.
I was in my first few years of shaping and
did hundreds of them. Took a full quiver of poorly shaped ones for
myself to Hawaii in Fall of eighty-nine!
Anyways, for me at least, it’s easy to explain that the
tail channels really took off as a way to cut through the recent
advent of hyper-extended tail rockers. With the advent of concave
bottoms, it was now much easier to use a new found amount of really
kicked tail rocker in surfboards.
The true modern surfboard, with guys like Kelly, Archy,
Herring etc, were using these extreme tail rockers to fit into new
parts of waves. By cutting the channels deeply though the tail
curve, you could really “channel” the water and, for better or for
worse, air through the tail. The back foot feels like a gas pedal.
The harder you push, the more is pushes back. Even with radical
amounts of tail lift, the boards shoot forward with bursts of
almost sketchy speed, rather than bog or sink or turn under the
rear-foot pressure. In hollow, glassy waves the effect is the best.
The clean, smooth water sucking up the wave face grips and attaches
itself, gripping to the edges and surfaces of the channel forcing
all the pressure and directing it directly out the back of the
board.
Like any radical design in almost any genre, the more
extreme it is, the less circumstances it will excel in. Choppy
surfaces tend to make it difficult to keep the water attached to
the channels , letting air in and causing all sorts of unexpected
lift and unsettled feeling under the rear foot. When cut into a
board, they also tend to remove a lot of foam and floation, and
unless really pre-planned, which makes for tails that can sink or
drag in small gutless surf. Wide tails and thicker pre-shaped foils
can alleviate this.
A couple of years ago, while shaping in Bali, I
stumbled upon some of Al Byrne’s amazing six-channels at the
factory we work in and decided to design a simpler, less radical
four-channel version. Using a slightly wider tail template than a
typical hollow wave step-up, we began building and testing them
with surfers around Indo. The response was good. We gave ours the
name “Trouble Shooter”. Lots of tail rocker, a fairly relaxed entry
and forward outline, made for an easy riding, but radical feeling ,
board in typical Indo surf. We put in in our line of boards, but
with little to no fanfare, and almost zero sales.
A third, and almost uniquely different, genre of tail
channel has sprung to prominence recently. I am taking some
liberty here, but the designs of Dan Thompson, popularised by the
surfing of Stu Kennedy (and Dan himself for that matter) are almost
a design unto itself. It seems to me that Danny is using his
channels to add an exhaust/release valve to his fast and flattish
tail rockers. He’s pretty technical, with all sorts of engineering
and time/space theories in his design explanations, but broken down
simply, that’s what it looks like to me. A lot of shapers have done
it over the years, but no one to the extreme focus and success of
Tomo. He really worked on those things for a long time.
I call them “release valve channels” and we had a model,
The “Scorch-It” about six years
ago, using them. The model tanked, but it was actually really good.
A spin off of our Stealth model, which was selling great at
the time. No one had an interest in channels, and it fell on deaf
ears.
Whatever his concept is behind these designs, I was
inspired to go back and play around with flat tail rockers, for
speed and drive, and steeply angled channels just in the rear bit
of the tail to allow water to release in turns. The idea was to
allow a flat-rocker board to easily surf vertical and in the pocket
(square peg fitting and a round hole). They also add a bit of
grip.
Tomo’s boards must be the most popular channel
bottoms in the world right now. And from
my point-of-view are almost the opposite theory of the
more classic channels described in #1 and #2 above. He also uses
extreme narrow concaves as if they were channels, which is
something that has floated around, design-wise, since the
Bonzer, even before.
We have been inspired to mix the two concepts and start
our “Radiating 4” (R4) tail channels further
back in the tail, with a steeper, angle, up and out of the tail.
The idea is to cut through the rocker – and then release the water
flow in a shorter arc for every-day waves where quicker turns are
required.
We have added these “R4” channels to our Baby Buggy and
a new, re-designed, Stealth, based off of our
V3_Rocketand our original “Stealth” model. It’s
a lot of fun. I have also been working for the last six months on
an updated Puddle Jumper, which has a very low tail-rocker, and
added a half-moon cut out and release valve channel to the tail.
The results in small, gutlees trestles have been incredible, at
least for my personal, domesticated surfing.
BeachGrit: Why would you get a channel
bottom instead of the usual single through to a double
concave?
Biolos: For fun mainly,
but in good clean powerful surf that lack of concave in the rear
third of the board feels much more positive. If you keep the
extreme tail rocker, with a lack of concave it may tend to slow
down the board, and keep it from projecting under rear-foot
pressure, mainly opting to sit in the bowl and surf critical. By
adding some channels through the curve, you can re-gain the thrust
and directional force without the skitzy lift of typical double or
a deep single concave. The rail-to-rail concaves don’t direct the
water flow so much as add lift.
BeachGrit: Can you describe
the…feeling? Can you compare the feeling to a concave? ‘Cause,
theoretically, they’re not world’s apart, right?
Biolos: Didn’t I just do
that? Jesus. The channels really give direction to the thrust. The
concaves, and I’m generalising here, are more for lift.
BeachGrit: Hell of a thing to
shape and glass, historically. Maybe not shape anymore ‘cause you
got the machine. But are your glassers and sanders suicidal? When
did you break the news to ‘em that you were launching a channel
bottom? Did you do it over tequila?
Biolos: Even with most
machines, shaping is just as tedious as sanding. I try to pump my
shapers/sanders up with two points… 1. It’s a premium product. And we are paying a premium
up-charge to the shapers/sander, with is designed to keep their
hourly/daily income the same, or better, when shaping or sanding a
bunch of channel bottoms. 2. It’s a less repetitive day of work. Meaning less
boring. If a sander spends six hours sanding ten standard surfboard
– that repeating the same thing 10 times in a day, day after day,
boring. But if you’re shaping (or sanding) six or
seven channel bottoms in that same day, and making at least
the same amount, or more money, then you now have a much less
repetitious day, and you;re now creating a more visually and
mentally stimulating product, which makes for a less boring work
day.
BeachGrit:Speaking of, how much
extra work goes into the channel bottoms you make and what kinda
premium do they have price-wise?
Biolos: I would say that
one of our typical Radiating 4 channels takes half again as long as
the finished shape itself. So the labor of shaping is about 50%
more. The same goes for the sanding. the lamination is probably a
25% time-added expense, as well. The costs we upcharge tend to only
cover my added expenses and I pretty much sub-margin these things,
making even less percentage of profit on these than typical
boards.
BeachGrit: Do the WSL guys ride ‘em?
Brother, Carissa? They going to use ‘em in big
contests?
Biolos: Brother just ordered
some for freesurfing between seasons, after Pipe, up til Snapper,
but I would not expect to see him ride them in contests. Carissa?
Damn, now I wish I made her a couple for Honolua Bay.
They would go incredible out there. You could use sooo much curve and not lose drive. With the pressure
of the world title gone, she would probably do it. I blew it! But like I said above, Mason Ho just won
the WSL 3000 at solid Sunset Beach on a 6’7” channel bottom. I
would guess that makes him the second surfer, after MF at J-Bay, to
win a legit WSL event on a channel bottom in a long long time.
BeachGrit: Tell me about your
channels, specifically. Why not the shallow four, or the deep six
etc.
Biolos: I think, the
four (instead of six) makes for less specific conditions needed for
the board to excel. By leaving a flat planing surface where the
front fins are, it gives a more conservative feel under foot in
sub-par waves, while still cutting through the curve of the tail.
Also, my four channels all radiate in towards the nose a bit. The
outer channels run parallel with the front fins and the inner
channels use half that amount of toe towards the nose, matching
what a quad fin would have, whether it has quads or not.
I simply feel that this set up makes for a more turning
friendly board. It may not be as radically fast in projecting, as
parallel channels, but like the whole thruster concept, they lock
in and work best when one of the rails/fins is
committed. They’re more forgiving and work better in
turns. They also feel less stiff in small or sluggish surf and work
with the quick pumping motion that most of us surf with in the
modern era. Thats not to say that straight channels at G-land,
J-Bay or any fast, down the line wave don’t work incredible.