Where's my BeachGrit? I want my BeachGrit!
Where's my BeachGrit? I want my BeachGrit!

Surprise: “Big Bro” hates BeachGrit!

Adam Jara

By

But loves and approves of The Inertia!

Ever see the film The Big Short? Did you walk away feeling like every financial institution perpetually fucks over the little guy for profit? Did you wonder just how much worse it could get? I’ve got the inside scoop that could be the final nail in the 99%’s coffin. But first, a short story about a dude named John.

John loves surfing. He loves all aspects of the harrowed and beloved surf culture. John realized he couldn’t surf all the time. Pursuing college and attaining a big boy job were necessary sacrifices. Got the degree, began working for Merrill Lynch as a financial advisor, still surfed, just on the seven to five grind too.

Then tragedy strikes.

John is working at Merrill Lynch, part of Bank of America, doing his job well. John hears that Dane Reynolds and The Inertia are having an online street brawl via his phone. John gets a minute or two to jump online. John knows the place to get the scoop on the drama!

BeachGrit!

John slams “BeachGrit” into the search bar! The home page loads! CLICKS ON THE LINK …..loading….loading….loading…cannot find source.

John gets the feels.

John is mad.

Again, calamity has struck. Adding insult to injury, John isn’t able to open the article, or watch a Youtube link of Mason Ho rock hopping, or even a WSL broadcast or Surfline cam. The only site remotely related to surfing that Bank of America permits, the gosh darn Inertia.

John is furious.

The Inertia’s often absurd, uninspired dribble is the only bit of surf related access John has when the opportunity for free time in the office allows a moment of escaping the fluctuating stock prices.

Does Bank of America really favor The Inertia’s baggy frilled jeans and sandals look over us rebel scum?

Maybe.

More than likely the ass hats in charge of setting up the company wide website monitoring systems don’t even consider The Inertia a place worthy of blocking from their employees. John may have stumbled upon the most meaningless blood feud ever but I’ll be damned if his story didn’t compel this writer to share his struggle.

John isn’t alone.

The big banks have already affected everyone else. Big Brother wants you to know if Zach Weisberg’s clan of unpaid “writers” has something to say but the derelicts here at BeachGrit are not worthy of attention or access. Pity. John we stand with you.

John doesn’t really want to be a financial anything anymore. John said it’s not for him and that the whole system is pretty fucked up. John no longer desires to contribute to perpetuating wealth incumbency for the rich. John sums it up with a Kerouac quote.

“Because in the end, you won’t remember the time you spent working in the office or mowing your lawn. Climb that goddamn mountain.”

The End.

Ahhhhhhh I'll miss Rory Parker. This photo is testament to his high water mark on our little site. Can you heal my heart? Can you make me smile again?
Ahhhhhhh I'll miss Rory Parker. This photo is testament to his high water mark on our little site. Can you heal my heart? Can you make me smile again?

Contest: Be our next Rory Parker!

Chas Smith

By

The noted Rory Parker has left the building. Do you have what it takes to replace him?

Do you dream of standing on a soapbox and shouting whatever you feel at the surf world?

Of being a lovable curmudgeon?

Of getting paid to fly to the North Shore and not hanging out with professional surfers or in the surf houses?

Well then you could be our new/next Rory Parker!

Our old Rory Parker has just broken up with us. I won’t go into detail as to why (hopefully the boy will come back for a last encore and explain himself) except to say that the surf journalism biz is a tough one. It takes a hide thicker than a Miura bull to stick around. Have you ever actually looked at Nick Carroll? At Matt Warshaw? At Derek Rielly? At me? That ain’t sun damage, baby. Those are callouses, scars and dried spittle!

But don’t let me discourage you! No profession is more esteemed, more noble. And to be buried underneath a tombstone reading SURF JOURNALIST 1976 – 2043 is the greatest pleasure a man can know.

And while the tears staining Derek’s and my cheeks re. old Rory have not yet dried our pain is your gain.

So.

We are looking for a new voice, a fresh point of view. Someone fun? Funny? Connected? Hungry? Oh it could be anything! The only prerequisite is to be 63% anti-depressive.

If you think you’ve got what it takes email a 300-ish word riff on mmmmmm the best thing in surf to [email protected] before New Year’s day. The top three will get posted and the people will decide.

What do you get?

The chance to be surf famous of course which is ! But also maybe a paycheck in a few months (we’re sooo close to profitability!) and a Matt Biolos surfboard.

Come write for BeachGrit! It’s freer than the WSL™!

Mr Speaker, you chose....poorly.
Mr Speaker, you chose....poorly.

Just in: WSL copies wrong league!

Chas Smith

By

Noa Deane was right all those years ago! Fuck the WSL!

Oh yesterday I was just so ticked. So peeved. So… angry with the World Surf League! Do you recall? You can click here if you care to relive the madness but, in a nutshell, I congratulated Jamie Mitchell on Instagram for winning the Nazare event and the bastards at the WSL ripped it down, busting me for “copyright infringement” in under an hour.

And I burned. Professional surfing needs all the help it can get. All the eyeballs it can pull. And you would think CEO Paul Speaker and co. would understand that.

But no. The bastards are spending their energies bullying li’l old me instead. Making sure that my congrats to Jamie Mitchell go unrequited.

So I wrote a story in response telling Paul Speaker to go and fuck himself. Or maybe fuck off. Or something with fuck.

Wally, in the comments, added this helpful nugget:

The videos are encrypted and copyright is managed by an outside company. Same set-up as the UFC and I guess most large sporting bodies.

And I don’t doubt that for a minute. But, still, same diff a far as I’m concerned. The UFC has billions of viewers already. They are allowed to control their media with an iron fist if they so desire.

Bruddah added:

Speaker’s bringing the shitty NFL-mentality on social media to this “league”. They really should model it after the NBA’s approach… “Adam Silver realized early on that people would tape things off the TV set and upload it to YouTube,” says David Levy, president of Turner, which airs NBA games and comanages NBA.com for the league. “He understood Instagram. He understood Snapchat. He gets the fact that fans are fans, and you need to fish where the fish are.”

Data backs up that instinct. “It’s almost like a free commercial,” Gilbert says. “To me, it’s all great for the league, enhances the league, promotes the league, and I think the NBA has got it right on.”

And provided a link to this story in Wired magazine titled: Techies are trying to turn the NBA into the world’s biggest sports league.

I found it so very fascinating! Thanks Bruddah!

In short, the NBA doesn’t act Speaker-esque when it comes to their content. Shall we read a small nugget?

More than that, these tech-enabled owners have helped turn the NBA into North America’s most forward-thinking sports league. Other leagues struggle with aging fans and restrictive views on intellectual property; the NBA has the youngest TV audience of any US league and lets its content flow through the wilds of the Internet. While the other US leagues struggle to build international interest in their games, the NBA has leveraged social media and new technology to build a huge global following. If the league has its way, the Golden State Warriors’ three-point-shooting machine Stephen Curry won’t be merely an ambassador for America’s most exportable sport. He’ll be the biggest star of the biggest league on the planet.

And it is true! Kids want to be like NBAers. They want NBA shoes, bags, gear and it is because the NBA fosters great personalities, doesn’t clamp down on fun and let’s the videos actually go viral, spreading into young hearts and minds like a wicked disease.

The NFL? I was hosting a failed TV shoot once and was told I couldn’t interview anyone with football team fan gear on because the NFL is so sue happy. They protect their copyright like a vicious drunken husband.

That is Paul Speaker’s home. That is where he came from. That vicious drunk his dad.

But did you know that the NFL is fading for the first time in years? Revenues down, participation down, viewership down, interest down. Down down down down and I would imagine, in part, because its commissioner is a Nazi.

Back to the NBA, I had the great pleasure of meeting its commissioner once, Adam Silver. He was smart, funny, easy going, not at all vicious and above all had vision. His ideas for where he wanted to take the league and what he enjoyed about it were very refreshing. He liked the personalities and he knew they would carry the game.

That’s what professional surfing needs. That’s what we don’t have and it ain’t that hard. The NBA is writing the book. All the WSL has to do is crib.

Paul Speaker should go and fuck himself. Or fuck off. Or something with fuck.

Chris Ward and the best wrap in surf!

Chas Smith

By

A move so good you'll want to emulate!

I never hide my love for the wrap-around cutback in our dear surf. The move is both smooth and fierce, functional and stylish, simple yet takes many lifetimes to master.

Who has had the in surf history do you think? Andy Irons? Tom Curren? The Duke?

Maybe Chris Ward?

Examine his repertoire in this clip by Strictly Surf. He uses his wrap to slow down, to speed up, to cut ‘tween people, to wow!

I think his could be considered one of the best in surf history. But what about you? What do you think?

Julian Wilson FCS
Is Dibi's posit that FCS copied Astrodeck's pads simply the ravings of a woman gone mad with paranoia? Or can you see a little something of the original in Julian's FCS pads?

Astrodeck: “FCS Copied Our Pads!”

Derek Rielly

By

It's a traction pad blood feud!

Do you follow Julian Wilson on Instagram? It’s a very good account with six-hundred-and-sixty-thousand followers and features giveaways, surfing clips and personal moments with his fianceé, the model Ashley Osborne. Controversy is something the impeccable Mr Wilson never seeks.

Recently, however, a post that featured three surfboards equipped with FCS fins and traction drew the wrath of the Astrodeck matriarch, the wonderful Dibi Fletcher. 

Glad @fcs_surf knocked off my pads good enough that you’re satisfied, noticed your results seemed a bit better on Astrodeck, but what do I know???

@badboyryry_ stepped into pit lane today. My wheels of choice thanks to @fcs_surf

A photo posted by Julian Wilson (@julian_wilson) on

It reminded me of the conversation I had with Dibi one month ago when I called to talk about Kolohe Andino and John John Florence paying ten-dollars apiece for their signature pads. Dibi, who is almost seventy years old, wouldn’t comment about the arrangement except to say she’d known ’em “since they were kids.”

Making money, of course, isn’t exactly what the pioneering deck grip company is famous for. Good grips, sure. Profitability?

“If I was making money do you think I’d be sitting at this fucking desk?” said Dibi. “You think at my age I’d be out the back shipping pads? The reality is, it’s a very small, niche market. But I still feel that I make the best pads. I have the best surfers in the most critical positions. That’s what I’m interested in doing. Making the best pads. Everyone in my family surfs. Unlike most of the other pad companies, do you understand, they’ve got people in cubicles making different coloured pads. They knock me off. I don’t care about. I don’t give a shit!”

Dibi added, “That’s my story, honey, here I am! I make the best pads in the world, we’re the original pad maker (since 1976), we’ll always have market share as long as I stay authentic. Companies went too big, they have to make their quarterly earnings. If you want big, you have to go and push your brand all over the place. Pretty soon you have no story left because you whitewashed it to death to get your corporate earnings.”

The Astrodeck office, which is the best place to find Dibi, was shut when I saw the Julian Wilson post. Instead, I got on Instagram (@dibifletcher) and asked her to comment.

“Hahaha, pretty old news. Julian rode my pads and obviously loved them,” wrote Dibi. “His Brother Bart called to see if he could get some pads for the ‘last time’? And said while picking them up ‘got to get these because FCS hasn’t knocked you off completely yet.’ Really??? Gotta love intended honesty.”

I also asked for her comment now that John John had been officially signed to Dakine to develop “a signature series of surf leashes, traction pads and a travel board bag.” Would the Astrodeck John John pad be pulped? Dramatically reduced in price? And Kolohe, will he still be buying your pads?

“I don’t know anything about JJ and Dakine, what do you know? Kolohe loves his pad and I adore seeing Dino when he comes to pick them up. Astrodeck will always be the best traction and we’ll survive/thrive, whatever surfers decide, for their best interest, to go to other companies. I wish them all the well.”

May I ask, does it thrill you when your pads are copied or does it make you sad?

“What do you think?”

Thrilled?

 

Jon Pyzel and Matt Biolos by @theneedforshutterspeed/Step Bros
EAT BEACHGRIT SPAM!
It's Daily!