Were you driven just a little mad by Mick Fanning’s
sandbottom point reveal? Did you drive all over
the internet trying to get a little bite on where it might be?
Is it Mex? Is somewhere around the horn? The Caribbean?
Or might it be somewhere deep in the heart of the Maghreb?
In this video made by the Basque surfer Kept Acero two years
ago, he travels to The Islamic Republic of Mauritania to hunt a
sandbottom right. It’s a place that still enslaves its people
(twenty per cent of ’em) and where the rest are earning a
buck-and-a-half a day.
Oh it’s a hell of a joint.
Does the wave, here, look familiar?
It’s too small for shredding, yes, but you do see the
potential?
Does it make you want to plop out your little breasts and shriek
and scream?
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Is Wade Goodall Still Alive?
By Michael Ciaramella
Aged clips of once-great surfer raise existential
questions
Surfing, if performed with respectable levels commitment and
vigor over a long period of time, will eventually lead to
injury. I am a firm believer in the old saying, “If you’re not
getting hurt, you’re not trying hard enough.” But some guys take
that to new levels.
Enter Wade Goodall.
The thirty-year-old Queenslander has spent his
career trying a little too hard, evidenced by the breaking of
both his legs in back-to-back years. This meant a lot of time
out of the water and even a (formerly unbeknownst to me)
Beach Grit interview in 2014.
But to be honest, I can hardly remember hearing Wade’s name or
seeing his acrobatic if slightly stiff approach in years. Then,
just three days ago, he released this clip
called WAED.
And wouldn’t ya know it, it’s just a bunch of old-ass clips!
From decrepit Billabong movies and long-forgotten (but not by me!)
web clips of 1992!
This begs the question: where is Wade Goodall? Is he even alive?
His Instagram will tell you he’s
coming Stateside for the Cupid’s corporate cash-out, but really
anyone could be running his account. Perhaps this is a major
conspira…
Or, no. Wade just hit me back on Instagram and as it turns out,
he is alive and well. When asked about the newly released
edit he had this to say:
Haha not much to talk about on that clip. Bunch of old stuff
Jake just put together to see what it looked like. Pretty
lackluster old footage.
This leads to an inquiry about Wade’s current injury status
and when we can expect to see some new, revolutionary clips from
the Aussie vet.
That message was left on read at 2:57 PM, so… we won’t hold our
breath. But enjoy WAED!
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Discovered: Oldest surf picture ever!
By Chas Smith
This surf picture is 120 years old! Has anything
changed?
This image was apparently taken in 1890 and in
the private collection of a Manchester man who lived in Hawaii by
the name of Herbert Smith. It has been in his family for 120 years
but they have decided to sell so we get to see.
The striking thing, I think, is the way these old Hawaiians are
standing. To me they look exactly like surfers today. The kind of
purposeful laziness, the head facing camera but not really caring,
even the angles of the boards. Not too stiff, not too loose.
Also, it looks very fun out the back.
And surfing really is a wonder. It is ancient but part of me
thinks it has always been the same. Sure the boards change but
surfers, I suppose. Surfers seem like they’ve always been the
same. It is, anyhow, what my head has been chewing on for the last
few months as I punch out next book about the grandest love affair
of all.
Happy Valentine’s day dear cocaine and surfing and happy
Valentine’s day to you!
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Girls: “Surfing is like shitty yoga!”
By Chas Smith
Hit HBO series goes to the beach!
Of course you don’t watch the HBO series
Girls but no doubt you’ve heard of it. The show might have
once been clever but now exists purely as a vehicle for a very
unattractive Lena Dunham to get as unattractively nude as possible
in order to goad the viewer into wincing at her unattractiveness
then degrading the wincing viewer by suggesting he/she is the
problem with society because he/she body shames and makes girls
feel badly about themselves.
It is very try-hard and silly etc. because Lena Dunham looks
like Shrek on purpose but I watched last night’s season six premier
because it involved our beloved surfing!
Lena Dunham’s character Hannah was sent to write about a surf
camp in Montauk for a magazine. The editor described surfing as
“shitty yoga” and that made me smile very much. Hannah shows up,
anyhow, and the camp has a very non-Montauk Hawaiiana vibe, many
older rich women and a Pakistani surf instructor described by
Yahoo! TV as:
…an experienced wave rider played by Riz Ahmed who combines
the effortless cool of Jan-Michael Vincent in Big Wednesday with
the sheer studliness of Patrick Swayze in Point Break.
And he was so effortlessly cool and the whole surf camp looked
so fun! Like, open mic karaoke at night and very many fruity
cocktails etc. And do these sorts of things really exist on the
mainland of the United States or Australia? Very fun surf camps? Is
this a thing? Have you been to one?
If it is not a thing I am still happy that surfing remains
culturally relevant enough to be used as a vehicle within a
vehicle for a very unattractive Lena Dunham to get as
unattractively nude as possible in order to goad the viewer into
wincing at her unattractiveness then degrading the wincing viewer
by suggesting he/she is the problem with society because he/she
body shames and makes girls feel badly about themselves.
Viva surfing!
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Mick Fanning Finds Reverse Skeleton
Bay!
By Michael Ciaramella
Give this man one good reason to rejoin the
tour...
For several years I’ve watched the development
of Skeleton Bay, an African left-hander commonly referred to as the
best wave on the planet. Over time I’ve discerned its precise
whereabouts, assembled a worthy squadron, stashed ample cash and
pin-pointed the exact swell I’d need to make this dream a
reality. This is the best wave in the world, and I must surf it
before it’s gone.
But now Mick Fanning’s gone and fucked everything up. In Rip
Curl’s latest edition of The Search, Fanning finds himself
standing before the tropical, right-hand version of Skeleton Bay. I
will say no more until you’ve truly savored this phenomenon.
You don’t need a mediocre explanation of the wave you just
drooled over, so let’s jump straight back to me.
I’m pissed. Livid. All this time I’ve spent and money I’ve saved
with sights set on Namibia, and Fanning just spits in my face.
Kicks me in the shin. Calls me a fucking Episcopalian!
As a regular-footer and adorer of warm water, this wave is a
clearly superior version of my once idealized African locale. But
no worries, I can just transfer the money I saved for Namibia
towards a trip to this conveyor belt heaven, right? Wrong. That
sunofagun Fanning won’t divulge a peep! Not an ocean or continent
or even a goddamn swell direction. But I’m not giving up.
The internet is great because eventually someone is bound
to blab a worthy morsel. And when they do, I’ll be the first one
there to devour it like a rabid vulture. In fact, maybe someone has
already loosed a valuable
secret! If you don’t hear from me in the next few
days, I’ll be on Google Maps.
