Conner Coffin seeks to restore balance to the universe!
And where do you fall? Which team are you on? Are you a twunk or a cub? Have you never heard of these categories before? Is your brow furrowed in confusion?
Let me explain!
A twunk is a hairless yet strong young man. A beau who goes into the shower thrice a week, turns on the hot water, lets it run over his body, softening skin and follicle and then runs a razor over that hair, over that water, with one of Gillette’s foaming creams preferably and removes the hair altogether.
Clean!
Muscles rippling, reflecting the sun’s light with nothing to obstruct not even the tiniest strand.
A cub is a young man with fuzz covering his chesty bits. A swain who chuckles at the very idea of shaving anything but the hair from his strong, set jaw. Oh he is not a bear, or not yet. His fur isn’t bushy and wild. He doesn’t maybe agree with the idea of a back forest, of an impenetrable stomach jungle.
No, he is a cub and masculine and proud.
The twunks have been ruling for surfing’s last decade. Last two decades even. Kelly Slater used to be their benevolent champion but Gabriel Medina has stolen his scepter and rules with a preening hairless strut. No challenger even close. No challenger able to…
…except lo. Who is that riding a Channel Islands on the horizon? Is it… could it be… a cub? Is it possibly… Conner Coffin?
Yes!
That is Conner Coffin with testosterone pumping through his veins sprouting a jacket that he will not shear because he is MAN hear him ROAR!
Conner Coffin is looking to vanquish the twunks’ hairless grasp on power and God bless him for it. It is high time that masculinity returned to professional surfing. High time that God’s own will was allowed to germinate.
Or are you a twunk?
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Racist!
The last bastion of maleness in our enlighten world is fur! Bring it on Connor!
Get this page tuned up, it fails to load (Safari is blank). Cubs rule by the way.
It’s been a slow month…
Like you wouldn’t believe!
Well there is obviously a juicy story about Carlos Munoz that the guys on SurfSplendor/DTL were alluding to! Come on dish us out some bitchy gossip please!
I’m imagining narcotics and late nights with an industry insider’s barely legal daughters. But it’s probably too much fun and partying, too little surf and shit comp results.
I was intrigued as well saint! Scales shut down the conversation before it could get juicy though. How I adore that podcast.
It’s the best thing ever, I remember a few episodes ago David said that he had heard rumours that Carlos wasn’t the “chill” guy that he was made out to be, a bit of a diva, and this after years of Scales leading the cheerleaders for Munzoz! Yeah there must be a good story in there, if only we had a Pulitzer aspiring journalist with contacts in the surf industry to dish it up….
If only! The grit has turned into the inertia with better commenting.
so please let us know what is going on. hes a latino, so hes prob born with a chip on his shoulder
genious!!!
I am a cub/bear (in body hair not orientation) and I have never had a woman tell me to shave it. I have had so many men tell me that I should and I am not even sure they are homosexuals. Confused. Chas?
When you have the privilege of a platform to express yourself, such as Beachgrit, you have a responsibility to reward those who bother to come to listen to you with something other than a constant stream of idiotic, puerile drivel. Or am I wrong?
Are you high or bored? I know crazy is already in the bag..
Drunk!
Yeaaahhh… Conner!!!
With his secret and powerful turn!!!
He will make his magic move, and then, all, all without exception, will turn their heads at the same time, and exclaim,
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
And then the balance will be made in the universe!
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
ps: maybe… but I am only a poor man, with a giant faith … that someday this powerful and secret turn will be revealed … someday …