Broke and alone!
Confession time. I prefer Parker Coffin’s surfing to that of his sponsored, CT-residing bro.
Of course both Coffin boys modeled their surfing after Santa Babs (area) legends. Conner is a mix of Dane and apparently Curren, though I have trouble seeing the latter. Meanwhile Parker’s flow is reminiscent of surfing’s fav Mexican American, Bobby Martinez. All three icons have made a lasting impression on the surf world, from Curren’s style to Dane’s everything to that fucking tennis tour.
Parker has many things in common with Bobby. There’s the tight stance — super stylish, great for carving maneuvers. There’s the upright posture — super stylish, great for carving maneuvers. There’s the backside lipper — quite explosive, great for big scores. And lastly, there’s the main sponsor — WhiteNose Industries.
It’s true! Ever since tennis tour comments and Volcom’s vicious purge, Santa Bab’s best goofies have been without top-tier contracts. Sure Bobby’s got Monster, but that’s not a real sponsor. Like… they give him money and all, but it’s no Quik/Bill/Rip/Banks Journal. Monster is a halfway-up-the-rail sponsor, not something you’d strive to stain your nose with.
While Conner’s departure from Hurley was a surprise, he was quickly scooped by Rip Curl so no harm no foul. He’s now got two lines of income: CT earnings and a RC salary. Meanwhile, Parker is probably spending more money than he’s winning on the QS and has no major backing to break his fall. It’s a tough life for the QS pro, and to do it all out of pocket is terrifying.
But maybe this edit will change things. Maybe the Quiks/Bills/Rips/Banks Journals of the world will see this three-minute masterpiece and realize, “Hey, we’ve got 50k lying around, let’s give it to the Coffin kid who isn’t on tour!”
But of course that’s unlikely because nobody’s got money and our industry is shit and life is unfair. Parker’s probably got a few more years to make the dream happen before he turns into just another local legend. Let’s hope he sees some CT daylight first.
Show me the ‘poor’ in pro surfing. Please, show me.
Oh it’s easy: two Coffins plus every QS guy who claims Mex or Central America, then add in the NY/NJ/Florida guys with winter homes in the Caribbean who do three comps a year and every “pro” claiming La Jolla or greater Santa Barbara and you’ve got your ten plus…300? 400? Translate it to greater Sydney kids with a Bali bungalow and you’ve got 1k, easy.
Chas is becoming softer than Rory would be if he got invited to a 3 way at chas’s house..
Is Neg’s agreeing with Micheal or what (below)? The complaint department is useless here.
“Every secret of a writer’s soul, every experience of his life, every quality of his mind, is written large in his works.”—Virginia Woolf
Must be a bummer not to have a soul, much less life experience.
“Pro Surfer” type b:
Commonly known as the Hawaiian* Pro; lives at parents house within driving distance from high exposure surf spot, has zero expenses (no rent, mums food); gets paid $10k to be a pro surfer; quits school and immediately “invests” in a $30k loan for a new truck with lift kit. Big future. *By Hawaiian I mean any nationality in the islands longer than 3 weeks.
Also commonly found on the Gold Coast
nailed it
in this case, his prejudices could have some validity
Maybe he should start riding a floating dirt bike. I hear there’s good money in that.
C’mon now, bring it in for a cuddle. It’s gonna be ok…
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
Same emotion, better jugs.
Coffin brothers have the best sponsorship, mom and daddy. This kind of sponsorship never fails. By the way, I think Mike Ciaramella can be a great babysitter. Hey Mike, send ur resume to Coffin Daddy.
Perhaps it’s time to consider just how much of a pain in the ass some of these guys are. Conner’s a pretty cool cat in the lineup. Parker ain’t.
He has probably never been told know.. I like his surfing but my eye keeps going to the low limp hand out front on his front side. Must be a goofy footers disease, because I’ve noticed it in Cory Lopez as well. Uncanny isn’t it..
I bet Humas Tears is having a cry-wank over all the sterile backhand hits.
Maybe he can steal Connor’s secret turn and then surely he will be showered in cash no???
FTW might take him…
The whole point of this article was to get you to click so…. joke’s on you Moot Perrot!
Moot Perrot!
Mind blowing you are stoked on creating click bait. The fact that 13 people up voted this must say they are cool with reading.. You guys are turning this place into some top 40 playlist radio station..
Couldn’t you just send him a few Ultra-Hard Surf Candy stickers and hope for the best?
Ultra Hard Surf Candy is actually a property of WhiteNose Industries, and both are endorsed heavily by Chas Smith!
Boo fucken hoo. get a job you google eyed gremlin 👹