When shark attacks are commodified...
You know Mike Coots, the haole-Hawaiian who lost his leg to a tiger (shark) at eighteen. Punched it in the schnoz, survived.
You may also know that Mike has become a leader in the shark conservationist movement. He’s spent a good chunk of his life opposing those who want to kill sharks for (fin) consumption or cull them for the sake of human safety. He even continues to swim with the fuckers!
Conservationist ideology is generally regarded as ‘moralistic’ by the larger oceanic community, but a new business venture has brought doubt to the virtue of Coots’ motives.
The Coots Boot™ is a prosthetic leg designed specifically for surfing. It has a dual-hinge format so the rider can set their boot on Standard for down-the-line surfing or Tucked for pigdogging crazy backside drainers. Mike has proven the Boot’s functionality in sparkling temples across the world.
Coots Boot™ was introduced in 2014 and has produced massive numbers in Hawaii, South Africa, Reunion Island, Western, Eastern and Southern Australia, and New Smyrna Beach, Florida. Business Insider estimated that Mike Coots will be the first surf-made billionaire by 2020, should current shark trends continue.
And doesn’t this ring dubious to Coots’ conservationist efforts? Without sharks there are no bites, and without bites there is no Coots Boot™. Tic tac toe, bingo!
Which makes me wonder: is Coots a capital-hounding right-winger masked as a Greeny? More importantly, is there any facet of this world not riddled with corruption and greed? We have commodified the shark attack for heaven’s sake!
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I bet that boot/ leg works better than my knee in a pig dog.
In Hawaii, saying someone is Haole is not an insult. Ask Coots.
hmm a dingleberry , is that a form of flattery or disgust? So funny when a business magazine , tries a guesstimation of , wait for it , small pinkie finger between front teeth, 1$ Billion , and obviously wealth means you could be a dingleberry unless you give it away?
Coots is a good guy! My intention wasn’t to ‘rag on Coots’, but to use him as a comedic pawn in my satirical commentary of shark/surf culture.
Sorry if it came off more serious than intended…
Is this a spoof?
if you have to ask
Speaking of that, is it mainly just the eyebrows and pubes?