Celebrates back injury with round of golf…
Remember that one time you split school to play with teenage titties, catch some waves and shoplift a few trinkets? And your pal, whom you didn’t include in the fun, innocently asked your mother why you weren’t at school? (Or some variation thereof?)
Or you’re with someone you shouldn’t be, and they want a selfie, and you’re too polite to exit the frame.
Like, busted.
Kelly Slater, who is forty five, is the king of truancy, at least when it comes to the Brazil contest. He’s skipped Rio seven times: 1996, 2002, 2006, 2008, 2012, 2016 and 2017.
And so your mammy smacked you down, you got grounded, no surf, no gal play etc.
Kelly Slater, who is forty five, is the king of truancy, at least when it comes to the Brazil contest. He’s skipped Rio seven times: 1996, 2002, 2006, 2008, 2012, 2016 and 2017.
It ain’t a surprise. The waves suck most of the time, Brazil can get a little over-the-top, especially when you’re the personification of pro surfing, and as adaptable as Kelly is, in 2017 anything better than a ninth would’ve been a miracle.
Here’s what Kelly said two days ago:
“I won’t be in Rio and I don’t know how long I’ll need. My lower back has been in constant pain for the last three years and although I’ve been able to fight through it with short stints of rehab, it hasn’t fixed the problem. If I don’t do this now, at some point, I’ll ruin my body. I’m spending the next five weeks rehabilitating with WSL Doctors in Australia and we’ll see how I feel after that.
Five weeks rehab?
Hello golf course!
Here’s an interesting stat.
Kelly has won Brazil three times, 1997, 2003 and 2009. Each win came after missing the previous year’s event.
Does this mean, 2018, Rio, Kelly wins?
Would that be a wonderful miracle you think?
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You´r talking about a guy who surfed and won Teahuppo with a broken foot.I think the guy deserves a little respect.Aprat from the fact that no-one here is his doctor nor knows if he can or cannot play golf with his back pains.
Umm…..he’s not looking at the camera. It’s one of the worst golf courses in SD County… Sure he’s not there.
#fakephoto
kelly has become irrelevant before he could transition to something else
Yeah why did the comments disappear?
‘Remember that one time you split school to play with teenage titties’
Stab quality opening sentence right there.
Reckon he’s jabbing the H?
Wo
You know in the normal scheme of things this would be gnarly.
Article 17: Non-Attendance in Events
17.01 CT Surfers must attend all CT Events which they qualify for. Failure
to do so will result in a disciplinary action described in Article 177,
except as described in this Article 17. Replacements for these noshows
will be decided in accordance with Article 9.01.
17.02 Non-attendance for extenuating circumstances including injury and
pregnancy may be considered by the WSL Commissioner’s Office.
A doctor’s certificate must be sent notifying WSL as soon as
possible of the injury or pregnancy. The WSL Medical Coordinator
has the right to follow up and investigate all of these cases.
The fine for non-attendance is HUGE. $12,500 for a first violation, $25,000 for a second violation, and a third can lead to suspension for three events.
So let me get this straight, Kelly is pregnant??
I don’t think so, because he snapped a board at Burleigh Heads yesterday, and that would be dangerous if you were pregnant.
It’s about a snowball’s chance in hell, but imagine the WSL actually follows their playbook in this instance and Kelly is forced to sit out his beloved OuterKnown Fiji Pro.
Intelligence prevailed! I had written a very outrageous harsh comment but the truth is we love the guy, whenever he is, he is surfing, like Jordan, Federer and even Rinaldo. My friends this may be a long comment but listen surfing is on the verge of exploding. We will have stadiums filled with cheering crowds and hooligans. Yes we already have this i know just check snapper/straddle on anything above 2 ft But let’s enjoy it for what it is a story for all of us working hard in our fantasy league! Drop mic…….
Clearly Kelly is a racist who hates latinos!!!! (this is a joke,btw, morons.)
This is outrageous! Kelly is the least racist surfer around. He is married to an Asian. He has many latino friends. How would you know that he hates latinos? Where is your source? Your comment should be removed, you are spreading hatred and lies!!
Say one were to call in sick to work or go out on disability. They are found to actually be healthy enough to carry on other outdoor extracurriculars shortly thereafter. What then would be the repercussions to the commonman? Talk about Dream Tour
My point being, just be real about pulling out of the contest. If there is a fine and/or suspension, deal with it and carry on
Goat stole the comments?
I don’t know what happened! Shares missing too.
Perhaps some of the comments on this particular article we’re gravitated to what we’re now understanding is OuterKnown™?
?? Wasn’t me… Got a weird email from Disqus saying “export completed”.??
Working on his short game.
Who da fuck cares… hes out of the title picture after 3 events and his surfing has been uninspiring this year
Dude, he’s the GOAT. We care if he scratches his ass!
Such a shocker. Soooo shocking.
‘Remember that one time you split school to play with teenage titties’
Stab quality opening sentence right there
ask Negatron, heard they are dating.
As I’ve mentioned before not going to Brazil is a business decision. Every time Kelly touches a surfboard much less go surfing in a contest is a business decision these days. Instead of riding off into the sunset he has decided to don Icarus’ wings.
‘No gal play etc’?!
18 holes in Oceanside bound to be a lot safer than 18 holes in Rio….we’ve established that he’s the master of pullouts so he definitely ain’t wrappin it up. Saving himself a few more war wounds, ’tis all.
but he does have a daughter!
Breaking News: Tiger Woods to seek treatment with WSL doctors in Australia in the hopes he gets cleared to see porn stars again.
hey writer guy, we already knew this stuff, find out about Turdpell…is he getting ready for the cosmic creek? What gives…not as annoying as Potz and his Neanderthal responses to a bottom turn..
Outerknown head office 5 minutes ago… “Take Derek Rielly off the media invite list for Fiji”
and sub in Longtom; he’s always nice to Kelly
ak but Kelly does remember your outburst on OuterKnown!
I was invited?
you don’t get a little tingle in the loins imagining a sunset mai tai after railing a few CB toobs, looking up to see our fav Syrian with green eyes glowering wanting a private roll down by the woodshed?
Someone had to carry Nick Carrolls bags…
put me in coach!