I am back on dry land after five days in Laird
Hamilton’s blueish-red ocean and sad. What in this surf
world could possibly captivate me like Laird on menstruation again?
Will the sun ever shine or will I spend the rest of my days
wandering in periodic darkness?
But I got to see lots of pictures and everyone looked like they
were having the greatest time without me. Coronas. Poorly fitted
black button-ups. Tom Carroll.
And then, near the bottom of the piece, I saw it:
“No strangers to the awards, Rip Curl took out Wetsuit of the
Year with the 4/3 Chest Zip Flashbomb and Mirage MF Focus 21
winning Boardshort of the Year. The Torquay company also walked
away with Swimwear of the Year and Customer Service Office of the
year to round out the evening.”
Customer Service Office of the Year! Phones ringing. Answering
calls about duckdive induced brain injuries. Answering calls about
Kim Jong Un’s real designs on the Korean Peninsula. Not answering
calls about returned products because duh. Flasher and MF never get
returned.
No duh on the 4/3 chest zit Flashdance and MFuckus 21. Those
bangers are best in class (I assume. North Koreans demand quality)
but Customer Service Office? Now that is the coup of the
decade!
Customer Service Office of the Year! Phones ringing. Answering
calls about duckdive induced brain injuries. Answering calls about
Kim Jong Un’s real designs on the Korean Peninsula. Not answering
calls about returned products because duh. Flasher and MF never get
returned.
I wonder who won the best Customer Service Office last year? Now
this is a story I can sink my teeth into.
So long, Laird!
Hello, Torquay!
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Justin Cameron and Lex Pedersen, founders of
SurfStitch, the online retailer that scooped up FCS, Stab, among
other enterprises. Now this gorgeous coupling has split. Is good?
Is bad?
SurfStitch: “Who knows if it’ll trade
again!”
By Derek Rielly
Founder Justin Cameron says company's future is
"very unpredictable."
Do you long for glory days? I don’t.
If it ain’t around the corner, it means life is on a
downward slope, ending in the grave etc? Hence the danger of
nostalgia.
One exception to the nostalgia-is-death rule must be
granted to the online surf retailer SurfStitch. Oh, it was on
such a high eighteen months ago. Worth almost half-a-billion
dollars. Tens of millions of dollars shovelled into
acquisitions.
Life was a dream. But so fragile!
Last week, SurfStitch went into a voluntary trading
halt in response to a $100 million lawsuit from shareholders who
say the company was a little florid in its profit expectations. One
old man paid $2.12 a share only to see ’em worth six cents. And
even if he wanted to cash out he couldn’t. The shares are in a
trading halt, one that might last until August.
And in today’s Australian Financial
Review the company’s co-founder Justin Cameron, a
tough, alert and fiercely intelligent biz-man who quit
SurfStitch last year to organise a private equity takeover
of the company, said its future is “very unpredictable, who
knows if it will trade again… Significant time and money appears to
be focused on litigation as opposed to managing the business.”
The company said it would explore a way to settle the legal
claim “at a level that would permit the company’s continued
financial viability.”
A few moments ago the company and its assets had a market
valuation of $18.9 million.
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John had a huge friendly ever-present smile, but he was
a shark, maybe the biggest surf media shark ever, it’s how he did
what he did for that amazing 12-year run. Velvet glove, iron fist,
John didn’t invent it, but it applied it better than anyone in
surf.
“Severson was a surf media shark!”
By Derek Rielly
Matt Warshaw obits on surf culture pioneer John
Severson, dead at eighty-three.
On Friday, the surf media pioneer John Severson affixed
his angel wings and soared to heaven, perhaps bumping into
BeachGrit’sMichael
Kocher in the queue.
Now, Severson, who was eighty three, really was something. A
hell of an artist, a swinging filmmaker and a businessman who
turned the childish act of balancing on a surfboard into a
fabulously profitable enterprise via the magazine
Surfer.
Obits on the old man are everywhere. But no one can articulate a
fellow surfer’s legacy better than surf historian Matt
Warshaw.
Let’s begin.
BeachGrit: Here’s a story you’ll like. I was visiting
the office of The Surfer’s Journal, being shown around the joint by
its editor when I was introduced to the owner. Oh, Mr Severson, I
cried. What a pleasure it is to meet you. You’re the voice, the
creator of surf media. Of course, as you know, it wasn’t Severson
but Steve Pezman. So who the hell was John Severson and why does he
matter?
Warshaw: You made Steve Pezman’s day. A hot young gun making a
fool of himself, and the idea that he (Pez) could be mistaken for
the great Sevo. Steve’s a big gentle honey bear, but he’s got some
bastard deep inside, and he can be as insecure as the rest of us,
so that’s a double win for him.
In 1968 when the psychedelic train pulled into town, John,
who was 35, ancient, climbed onboard, rang the bell, and drove the
fucking thing.
BeachGrit: Fuck, wait a minute, that’s a lazy open-ended
question. I might’ve just said, how about you write an obit for
free? Okay. You know him? What kind of man was he?
Warshaw:John was first and foremost an artist. Sort of like
Andrew Kidman or Thomas Campbell, where the first thought every
morning is to pick up a camera or a brush or a pencil and just
start making something. The big difference between Severson and all
those guys is that he was also a business genius. SURFER was a hit
from issue #1. He spun off all kinds of things, posters, shirts,
books, even mugs, and he just never seemed to put a foot wrong when
making a deal. And then finally, and most spectacularly, in 1968
when the psychedelic train pulled into town, John, who was 35,
ancient, climbed onboard, rang the bell, and drove the fucking
thing.
BeachGrit: God he could draw, couldn’t he.
Warshaw: The early stuff is fantastic, the later stuff is
sentimental shit. John was the Rod Stewart of surf artists.
Severson’s North Shore surf car,
1959.
BeachGrit: First question. Severson sure do matter. One
of the first surf filmmakers. A massive influence in that regard,
yes?
Warshaw:He’s famous for starting SURFER, the “Bible of the
Sport” and everything, and that’s what will go on his tombstone.
But he was probably a better filmmaker than he was a publisher. Or
at least just as good. Pacific Vibrations is his
magus opus, and it’s kind of too big a bummer for its own good,
what with all the dire environmental messaging and everything. But
as a craftsman, I think he was the best, and that includes Greg
MacGillivray and Jim Freeman there.
BeachGrit: And then he started a magazine with the best
name ever, The Surfer, which later became Surfer. So he kicked off
the whole surf media thing, yeah?
Warshaw:There were a couple shitty little surf magazines just
before surfer. Greg Noll did one, and it was fish wrap. SURFER made
it stick.
The early stuff is fantastic, the later stuff is sentimental
shit. John was the Rod Stewart of surf artists.
BeachGrit: He had this fabulous role call of talent, the
artist Rick Griffin, photographer Ron Stoner, write Drew Kampion,
and, yeah, Steve Pezman. It wasn’t as if surf media kicked off with
some crummy zine. What do you think Severson’s opinion of current
surf media would be?
Warshaw:He had the best eye for talent, like nobody before or
since. He knew who was great and who was just merely very good, and
he also knew how to develop talent. Ron Stoner was promising when
he first arrived at SURFER, but John arguably turned him into the
Stoner we now revere. John paid Ron, for starters, buffed him out
with the best equipment, and most importantly was able to express
to Ron—John himself was an excellent photographer—how to move
around a lineup, try different angles, experiment. Ron needed
that.
BeachGrit:You think he’d be enjoying Surfer, as is,
2017?
Warshaw:John had a huge friendly ever-present smile, but he was
a shark, maybe the biggest surf media shark ever, it’s how he did
what he did for that amazing 12-year run. Velvet glove, iron fist,
John didn’t invent it, but it applied it better than anyone in
surf. All that said, at his core John was really upbeat and
positive. Loved his work, loved his hobbies, I don’t ever saw much
of a distinction between the two. He viewed his life and one
continuous art piece, and demanded a lot of himself and others, but
also was stood back often and beamed at how it was all turning out.
I think he’d find things to enjoy about SURFER today, and I’m sure
he’d be thinking, always, of how he could improve it.
“He was a really fucking good surfer, big and
small waves. Not above doing the dirty,” says Warshaw.
BeachGrit: Had a bitchin joint at Cottons, yeah? Did he
surf into dotage?
Warshaw:He had the best beachfront house at Cottons, back when
the Marines were still keeping the place mostly on lockdown. John
lived next door to Nixon, and it turned out that the President
either had John’s house bugged, or was monitoring all the comings
and goings, and John and his family got freaked out enough by all
the Secret Service guys, and the weird clicks on the phone, the
whole early ‘70s paranoia, that John sold the magazine, handed the
publisher keys to Pezman, and moved to Maui. Retired for good at
age 36. Surfed and painted right up to the end, I believe.
BeachGrit:How do you think his iconic quote stacks up in
2017: “In this crowded world the surfer can still seek and find the
perfect day, the perfect wave, and be alone with the surf and his
thoughts.”
Warshaw: Isn’t that why we still do it?
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Day 5: Laird blows virgin minds!
By Chas Smith
Popular Science picks up Laird Hamilton vs
menstrual-blood-in-the -water debate!
And it is day 5. I’m alone. No sight of laird
Hamilton. No sound of menstruation but I know they’re both
here. Chumming the waters.
I’ve been adrift now on this story for 120 hours. One hundred
and nineteen hours more than any man has ever spent on either Laird
Hamilton or menstruation in history.
“We could turn PopSci into PeriodSci for a
week and still not have time to debunk every myth related to
monthlies. But today we’ve got an exceptionally absurd one to
tackle: Does period blood attract
sharks, making menstruating individuals (and their unfortunate
swimming companions) more vulnerable to vicious shark attacks?”
Etc. Etc.
And this is perfect!
This is the official end of my journey! But what? You’ve never
heard of Popular Science? In my junior high school (what
is junior high school called in Australia?) Popular
Science magazine seemed to a religious text for the boys who
had not yet discovered girls. Who still played with Legos.
They would sit in the library and ooh and aah at various alchemy
experiments and other stuff. I would stand across the room smirking
at them, “reading” Steve Largent’s biography not because I was
cool, obvs, but because I was too dumb to understand what alchemy
even meant and other stuff.
In any case, these Popular Scientists would go on to be titans
of industry, inventing better and better opioids etc. And it makes
my heart sing to know the future titans of industry will have also
go on to invent even better opioids but, for one brief moment in
time, would have sat around a table in the library, vigorously
scratching their heads at the wonders of women.
All thanks to Laird Hamilton.
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Just in: Worst Surf Photo Ever?
By Derek Rielly
The surf photo can be the cruellest of masters.
Five days ago this website wondered aloud if a
BeachGrit reader could win, perhaps very
easily, the Indian Open of Surfing. The two-day event, which began
on Friday, featured the best surfers on the sub-continent, as well
as Maldivian Ismail Miguel.
As Chas Smith wrote:
“Be honest right now. Be way super honest. If you happened
to be in Mangalore with a few hours to kill and, inexplicably, your
favorite surfboard do you think you could take the Indian Open of
Surfing?
Are you racist for feeling that way?
Probably.
But also, I think I could. Chas Smith surf champ!”
Of course, the posit was racist to the bone. Just as eating a
delicious fish curry is an act of imperialist cultural
appropriation.
Or at least it was until this photo was splashed across India’s
Deccan Herald, an English-language paper read by
half-a-million people every day.
“Austin from USA displays his skill on
waves,” reads the caption.
Oh, I know, we’ve all fallen victim to inflated expectations of
a surf photograph. Many years ago, one of my dearest friends came
back to our North Shore rental breathless that he’d just been
photographed taking off on a ten-foot Sunset peak.
This was pre-digital and a week passed before the photograph was
revealed. The sheet of transparency film was ripped out of the
paper bag, thrown on a lightbox and…
… the friend, a good enough surfer, was captured in a deep
squat, a sprawling, droopy, dopey-eyed style, on what appeared to
be a still ocean.
Cue whimpering.
I’ve worked in the magazine game long enough to’ve seen bad
photos of Jordy Smith and co. (Oddly, never of Dane Reynolds.)
And what I’ve learned is, you have to turn harder than you’ve
ever turned, in the most critical part of a wave you’ve ever
visited, swish your arms and hips around and then, only then, might
you get something that isn’t embarrassing.