The surf photo can be the cruellest of masters.
Five days ago this website wondered aloud if a BeachGrit reader could win, perhaps very easily, the Indian Open of Surfing. The two-day event, which began on Friday, featured the best surfers on the sub-continent, as well as Maldivian Ismail Miguel.
As Chas Smith wrote:
“Be honest right now. Be way super honest. If you happened to be in Mangalore with a few hours to kill and, inexplicably, your favorite surfboard do you think you could take the Indian Open of Surfing?
Are you racist for feeling that way?
Probably.
But also, I think I could. Chas Smith surf champ!
Of course, the posit was racist to the bone. Just as eating a delicious fish curry is an act of imperialist cultural appropriation.
Or at least it was until this photo was splashed across India’s Deccan Herald, an English-language paper read by half-a-million people every day.
“Austin from USA displays his skill on waves,” reads the caption.
Oh, I know, we’ve all fallen victim to inflated expectations of a surf photograph. Many years ago, one of my dearest friends came back to our North Shore rental breathless that he’d just been photographed taking off on a ten-foot Sunset peak.
This was pre-digital and a week passed before the photograph was revealed. The sheet of transparency film was ripped out of the paper bag, thrown on a lightbox and…
… the friend, a good enough surfer, was captured in a deep squat, a sprawling, droopy, dopey-eyed style, on what appeared to be a still ocean.
Cue whimpering.
I’ve worked in the magazine game long enough to’ve seen bad photos of Jordy Smith and co. (Oddly, never of Dane Reynolds.)
And what I’ve learned is, you have to turn harder than you’ve ever turned, in the most critical part of a wave you’ve ever visited, swish your arms and hips around and then, only then, might you get something that isn’t embarrassing.
As for this,
I wonder,
Did Austin from the USA, read Chas Smith’s story and think, goddammit, I’ll drive those Indians into the dirt and be a one-in-a-billion surfer, the best on the sub-continent?
Maybe he did!
Racist is not the correct word. Indians are not a race.
Looks like Chas!
“Yeah dude, I call this the ‘dodgy vindaloo’. It’s a backhand bottom turn that upon reaching maximum g-forces, breaks the restraining capabilities of the fundamental sphincter.”
I am pretty disappointed that nobody is trying to out-do the Worst Surf Photo Ever.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Backhand reo, forehand snap, drifting tailslide, fcs2 fin failure?
But what if is Conner Coffin’s secret new maneuver being activated?
i tried the arm swish thing, but alas, i only looked like a doped-up orangutan
Better doped-up orangutan than slightly animated cadaver.
I’m really disappointed that isn’t Chas
Mr Rielly, you say you’ve never seen a bad photo of one Mr Reynolds, yet I am quite sure you have witnessed the photos of one Mr Reynolds posing for ‘former’.
Check and Mate
This can’t possibly be the worst surf photo ever. The fact this one was published means it was the best surf photo taken on the day. Therefore, the worst surf photo in history is still in the camera. Someone! Do something!
I don’t practice Santeria, I ain’t got no crystal ball.
But I think his full name is Austin NLand Surf Park
Classic!
Funnily enough some of the best photos I have were me riding foamies!! The rest somehow make me long like a orangutan – always caught with my arms looking longer than anything else, with some funny hand position as well. So Fuck Derek I know of what you speak!!!
Mind you I’m not the tallest at 5’7 with shorter legs than torso, so prob look like a primate most of the time!!