Horror: Shark attack in England!

A bloody terror boils on Devonshire's pristine shore!

They’re everywhere. EVERYWHERE and don’t you wish global governments were unified in trying to stop shark attacks instead of Islamic terror?

I wish they were.

ISIS can go suck a fat one. They are just about to lose their homemade capital city in Iraq and  but sharks AYE AYE AYE! Sharks are on the move and grabbing stronghold after stronghold.

Kalani Robb is feeding them with drones while, halfway around the world, one is attacking a nice British teacher. The BBC reports:

A surfer said he fought with a “small shark” after being bitten off Bantham beach in south Devon.

Teacher Rich Thomson, 30, was left with a bruised leg and cuts to his hands after he hit it on the head.

No other incident of this type has happened to surfers in UK waters, according to experts who said the shark could have been a smooth hound.

Mr Thomson said the shark, estimated at about 1m (3ft) long, “grabbed me on the leg”.

“I turned round and saw this little shark was on my thigh and wriggling its head side to side,” said the seasoned surfer.

“I hit it on the head and it swam off.

“My hand was cut to pieces.”

“I went home and told my wife I was late because I had been bitten by a shark,” he said.

“She said ‘I’ve heard that one before’, but it was true.”

But wait. The shark could have been a smooth hound? Like, what kind of smooth hound? Like, an English Foxhound?

Mr. Rich Thomson could have gotten bit by his dog whilst going surfing? In either case his telling his wife that he was late because he was bit and his wife telling him, “I’ve heard that one before…” is my fav anecdote of the week.

So British!