Do you tell girls you "air"? And "tube"?
I am no John. Nor am I Keanu Asing or even Glenn Hall.
A typical session for me consists of missing waves, sections and exits. And bogging. So much bogging. I surf, but I am only above-average in a crowded summer line-up filled with soft-tops. For the rest of the year I sit wide of the herd, waiting for leftovers. Waiting to eat.
To put it simply, I am trash. But at least I know I’m trash.
And usually, I would never claim to be more than I am. But, to garner the attention of the opposite gender, is over-exaggerating ones surfing ability ok?
She didn’t surf, but she like, totally loved surfers. They were super hot. I was a surfer. I was lonely. So here are some obscenities that exited my mouth. No lies, mind you. Only exaggerations.
Yes, I have done that thing where you surf inside the wave!
*I pull in. I almost never come out.
Yes, actually, I totally can do that spinny thing in the air!
*without my feet on the board.
Do I compete? No way! I shan’t be constrained to a jersey. I prefer creative lines. I prefer the free surfer life.
*Creative bogging.
Am I sponsored? Of course!
*I work at a surf school. They pay me. Sometimes I surf in uniform on break. Does that count?
The conversation then veered into a dark, dark place of douchebagery. I needn’t write what was said. But I’ll give you a hint. It was some Laird Hamilton-level shit.
So, is overstating your surfing ability acceptable when pursuing romance?
Or have I brought shame to my family?
Should I go full Freddy P and familiarise my board with a submerged rock?
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I completely skipped reading to comment, who doesn’t?
You missed the point Jack – she was lying in the first place when she made you believe she was interested in surfing…. Now why would she do a thing like that?
It’s the only reason I pretend to surf.
Talk of a pseudo-spiritual connectedness with nature and being ‘in sync’ with the ocean is the worst.
Poetic guff ain’t lying, no more than free-form verbal jazz. Some people dig it.
You don’t have to lie if you have mouth-licks, just talk around the subject with colour.
No, I’m married.
Apparently I only lie on interweb comment sections about how I charge. I’m a pussy and don’t even surf. Should of occurred that I should be lying to get chicks!! Thanks for writing this, I seen the light!!!
Beautiful..and sexy.
My Dad told me it best I exaggerate my ability lest I bring shame on the family.
Laird Hamilton-level shit. Please expand on this. I’m slow.
Let he who hath not exaggerated their ability cast the second stone.
I don’t think I have ever lied about my ability to win favours. Although I did once say that I had been bitten by a shark when my leg was bandaged for a 7 stitch fin chop. It worked, however stitches were ripped. Totally worth it.