What does it all mean, man?
I went to bed last night in New Jersey with the news that the World Surf League had cancelled the Margaret River Pro due shark activity. When I woke up this morning, still in New Jersey, Margaret River remains cancelled. The agony caused to presenting sponsor Western Australia’s Tourism Board and the World Surf League was detailed marvelously by the current best surf journalist in the world.
Agony ain’t the half of it for the tourism board. I believe this will go down as the worst public relations spend in history, knocking the 1930s campaign “Pedophiles love Pepsi!” from its perch.
For the league, though, this momentary sniff of embarrassment will be almost instantly replaced by the scent of cow turds. By the scent of farm laborer fears. By the scent of Immigration and Customs Enforcement SUV vanil-a-roma air fresheners. By the scent of Indian gaming parlors. By the scent of Lemoore, California.
And ain’t it just a neat coincidence that the next event, though not officially “an event”, is Founders Cup at Surf Ranch. A converted water ski lake some hundred miles from the nearest great white shark. A place that doesn’t have flat spells. A place that can charge 5000 people an admission fee. Like a dude ranch with surf. Surf Ranch.
The World Surf League’s financial way forward is undoubtedly the pool. It will showcase, sell, build and promote. The Championship Tour acts as a loss leader. The ocean as the biggest competitor. It is almost as if the League held the Margaret River event during salmon spawning season on purpose. Almost as if those dead whales were placed strategically around the event site. Almost as if certain Brazilian competitors were pushed forward with fear-filled social media messages.
And here, right here, in a nutshell, is why no conspiracy on earth is actually true. Conspiracies take many people working toward a common but largely secret goal all while keeping their mouths shut. They take unbelievable planning, coordination and skill. After completed they take a level of candor not seen since… since… since ever.
Can you imagine this level of institutional dexterity from Joe Turpel and 1989 World Champion Martin “Pottz” Potter? From His Honorable Judge Pritamo and CEO Sophie G.?
Well?
I can’t and I can’t imagine it from any other bureaucracy on earth either. Chem trails, 9/11 as an inside job, flat earth, radio ID chips being stuck in people, etc. have all effectively been rendered silly by the World Surf League’s general incompetence. Because the World Surf League’s general incompetence is the same as yours and mine and alls people everywhere. I mean, maybe a little more marked but…
It is funny, in the end, that the potential for any conspiracy theory to be true has been undone by Kelly Slater.
Isn’t it?
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Drinking always helps, period.
I want to see laird paddle into the kelly pool
Come on Paulo now you’re being an asshole… it’s like a cancer and spreads..
Can’t believe it mate. The majority isn’t always what you expect.
No, I meant I drink to go surf when waves are huge, because I’m scared!
I drink for breakfast, just because
Banksy strikes! https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Ah, the ferocious Carcharodon phallusisimus.
You’ll have to do more than fap the water to shoo that one away.
That group of hard core surf cats out there surfing for the pure stoke of it.
Thank god for google translate !
Such a colourful language.
Pequenas girafas rastejam nas dobradiças roxas da apatia !!!
I’ll bear that in mind when I’m oiling my wild potato
They don’t say:
“O arco-íris do desespero aumenta as azeitonas do meu cabelo do nariz”
for nothing you know.
The rainbow of despair increases the olives of my nose hair
That kind of wisdom doesn’t come cheap, sunshine.
Sorry, bit busy right now.
Oiling my potato
Mrs astro has the patch ready to plant
YOU sir, have a FILTHY mind.
<click of=”” heals=””>
I live to serve.
óleo a batata selvagem com o rangido do trator de uma criança !!!
roflmao – google translate gave me
oil the wild potato with the squeak of a child’s tractor
Hummmm… Very close so far away
Lol – yea, i thought so.
Ei CB, você é portugese é uma merda!
Almost this
Called Quest
No one’s talking about the Russians
Fucking great idea. I speak russian. And those fuckers love gold medals to the point of doping. And they have very very rich fuckers. Next wave pool … MOSCOW!!!! Putin will be first to ride a wave when i open it. I will have him shoot a shark too! He loves that shit
In Russia, the wave pool rides YOU.
Boom
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Super cool humans at the WSL. If this went down when the 89 world champion was surfing do you think he would have surfed?
Height of the Cold War, of course
I know we’re both fat Cunt’s, Rogerio but we can do better.
The conspiracy is lil Mikey was begging to have the comp culled because Longtoms’ daily briefings were so much more entertaining and precise..
In a controlled environment like the gymnasts floor mat the general public will love it. The most watched surfing contest is about to happen.
It may be the most watched, but for what reason? Idle curiosity or evil intent ridden interest will count in the overall stats, but will not be long lasting.
Very good point, there will probably be many, many just watching out of idle curiosity.
Either way, the WSL, will probably blow the numbers up.
Personally, I find myself stuck somewhere in between these 2 options.
Except the general public really doesn’t have much of a clue to what surfing is really about. Maybe they’ll watch a heat or two and then tune it out.
As much as the internet would love to believe in conspiracy theories on closer inspection they’re easily debunked by applying Hanlons razor; “Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity”. And I’m sure we can all agree the WSL has always over achieved at stupidity.
Im going with a Mick Fanning Conspiracy. Turns Out Mick controls all the sharks in the ocean and has kept the CT safe his entire competitive career. The shark at J-Bay got out of line and Mick set him straight. Well.. Mick retired and his last contest was Bells. Is it Ironic that there are a ton of sharks at the following event or is Mick King of the Sharks?
The sooner everyone realises the wsl is in an all or nothing gamble with the wave pool the better of we will be.
The wsl is broke. The billionaire wants his money back and the only way he’s getting it is to turn it into red bull surfing games like snowboarding. If it does not pay off this year he will cut his losses and it will all collapse in a screaming heap.
We need to get our heads around the fact that the surf companies are in survival mode. If you owned quikbong would you really want money wasted on vanity surf contests?? Will the new owners of rip curl want to fund bells and Portugal? Hurley already pulled the pin and the other comps are bank rolled by the billionaire.
We need to accept that 2019 will probably be a pokey little tour with bells and pipe and a few others tacked on, or quite possibly a one off world championship.
Finally, a well thought out response, even if 2019 is a pokey little tour, the tribe will survive.
The sooner the better.
Make the WSL about pools and leave our beaches the fuck alone!
(Said a shark, this morning)
How do you know he wants his money back? The cost of running the WSL is less than a decent sized super yacht. And owning it might well serve other purposes. In NZ a merchant bank contested the America’s Cup several times just so they could hold their heads up high in London. They went through over $100million doing that, and it was money well spent.
I think even a billionare doesn’t want to look stupid supporting a bunch of (deadbeat?) surfers.
It’s losing the guy 300 mil a year.
Well, it has been reported that it costs about 30 to 40 million a year to sponsor just the contests, plus Dirk is paying all the judges and everybody’s salary. What that adds up to I’m not sure, but it’s still a hefty sum of money. I’m sure Dirk is also worried a little bit about being played a fool and being taken for a ride by a bunch of (surf bums?) surfers.
Some of these highly paid athletes might want to invest in some backup, like a trade.
Kelly’s gonna mop up the cash from WSL for pool construction.
The good days of the brands throwing cash at them to go on free surfs and mega sponno contracts might be about to bite.
$20 – $30/hr gonna start looking mighty attractive for some, swinging a brush or laying tiles.
Welcome to the real world you spoiled wanks.
I’m a Tiler by trade 20 years deep and I wouldn’t roll over in bed and fart at $30/hr
Try $65/hr or $550/day cash.
Start work when it blows onshore, finish work no later than 2pm or whenever happy hour starts at the nearest bowlo. Uniform is boardies, shirt and thongs..love my job.
Ya what now?
Good to know if my low paying job I enjoy falls apart I can fall back on a significantly higher paying occupation.
Shine on you crazy little diamond x
Umm, 65 an hour, 550 a day, means working an 8 hour day, no offing at 2pm. Nice try.
Usually charge Per Sqm mate,depends on the job but if your not throwing down 20sqm at any where between $55 to $120 per sqm by 2pm then ya not trying
I know – that’s once you’ve done the hard yards and know what you’re doing, can be trusted and work efficiently.
But what would you pay these athletes to start, who to be fair to them, prolly know next to fukall about anything apart from surf. Hell, $20/hr is prolly too much to start.
18/hr but they drive the work truck, on bunga rolling duty, run down the bottlo at smoko for a sixa and relinquish all drug and groupie contacts to the boss.
Mate, very very generous !
You’ll have them lining up – make them do some lifting tho, gotta build up the callus on their soft little hands
A day on the grout and the resulting lime burns quickly sorts em out
Let it crash and burn already
It’s the other way around for me.