Back To Top
Beach Grit

Podcast: “I will smite the WSL by my hand!”

Chas Smith

by Chas Smith

I am but a vessel.

I had a revelation last week reclining in bed watching professional basketball on television. A prophetic adumbration of my true role on God’s green earth. And do you watch the television series Homeland? The show is generally fine enough but this past season exceeded all others and leapt to very good. My favorite storyline involved a character by the name of Brett O’Keefe, a firebrand extreme right-ish wing radio host cut from the cloth of Alex Jones with a little Steve Bannon sprinkled in for good measure.

Now, Mr. O’Keefe would rail against the government, fomenting revolution, on his radio program etc. and eventually wound up on the run, broadcasting from basements and leading a rebellion by some well-armed survivalists. He was a very bad leader, being bold and vicious whilst on the air but cowardly and indecisive off it. I won’t spoil, but things end horribly with the FBI killing lots of people and Mr. O’Keefe blubbering in the corner.

And as I was lounging in bed watching professional basketball on television I heard a voice from heaven sayeth unto me, “Lo, for it is incumbent upon you to raise your voice, all loud and gravely, and foster a rebellion against the World Surf League for it is not the true and right representation of professional surfing on earth. It has been waylaid by confused leaders promising non-endemic eyeballs and mechanical perfection that is totally boring. And you shall talk much shit with your voice all loud and gravely upon the podcast and march unto Lemoore where there will be a great battle or maybe march unto Santa Monica where many imposters live adjacently.”

I responded, “But my voice is not loud and gravely. It sounds instead like a muppet and gets increasingly shrill when I becometh agitated! Can’t you choose another more aggrieved with a rich baritone like the martyr Barton Lynch?”

There was no answer, though, and I finished watching professional basketball on television while pondering these things in my heart.

On today’s podcast, alongside David Lee Scales, we talk Founders’ Cup, The People™, Waco, Sophie Goldschmidt and I try and foster a rebellion without getting too shrill.

It’s probably the best one yet.